Hi my partner of 12 years has Parkinson’s . He’s had it for 3 years he’s only 56 . I try my best every day . My job is a carer also . And I try to care for my partner but he gets angry and frustrated with me . I understand he’s finding it difficult as he’s a very proud man . He struggled to tie his laces yesterday I offered to help and he said he’d rather die than let me help him . We used to have such a close relationship but he just seems to be angry with me even though I’m the one helping and loving him each day . I know they say they take it out on the ones they love , but how I am I to deal with this . It’s easy to cope with in my job but when it’s your personal life it’s different . I’ve tried talking to him but he says you try having Parkinson’s ! I don’t know what to say or do to help him . I hope someone ha some ideas I would be very grateful thank you
Hi Mich,
We’re so sorry to hear that you’re having a tough time at the moment. We hope that others in the community may be able to share their experiences, but we wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.
Everyone’s experience with Parkinson’s is different, and there can be a range of mental health symptoms that accompany a diagnosis. Please know that we’re here for you.
We have some information about different mental health issues people commonly experience with Parkinson’s on our website, alongside how to manage them: Parkinson's and mental health | Parkinson's UK
It’s really important that you look after your own mental health too. Remember, you or your partner can always reach out to us on our free, confidential helpline. We’re just a phone call away for guidance and support: 0808 800 0303.
Sending all our love,
The Parkinson’s UK Moderation Team
Hello Mich … My sympathies, you are in an impossible situation. I live on my own and when I talk to myself I never listen. I have Parkinson’s and other health worries and I often come here and unload my worries and I find that helps me.
How much of your partners unpleasantness is down to Parkinson’s and how much of it is down to him being a selfish so and so taking it out on you.
OPTION 1. Tell him how upset he is making you and threaten to leave him unless he makes more of an effort.
Sorry that’s all I’ve got, I will keep thinking.
Best wishes
Steve2
Thank you so much . I’m hoping this site can give me some insight on how to help him and ideas on everything thank you
Thanks Steve I hope you’re ok ? Thanks for you advice. I will just keep trying to be patient. I often talk to myself , it’s healthy I think 
Thanks Mich … The brief answer is yes I’m fine. There is of course a much longer answer.
Best wishes
Steve2
I’m sure there is . But it’s great you’ve got a positive mindset
Hello Mich … Where did you get “positive mindset” from?" lol.
Best wishes
Steve2
Erm just your responses lol . You sound positive anyway am sure it’s very difficult
Hello Mich … Rather than “Positive mindset” I would go with “Extremely frustrated”.
If I had a normal brand of Parkinson’s, had symptoms that were treated by Parkinson’s medication, I would be happier with that and I could except what was wrong with me and get on with life. What I have is an uncertain diagnosis and a lot more questions than answers.
I have had 4 private consultations in the past 3 months with experts in the field and have got precisely nowhere. All my most troublesome symptoms like my lack of balance, sleep problems and gait freezing are most likely something else, not Parkinson’s. I will likely never know what is wrong. Should I give up and accept my life as it is or continue to search for answers? Do I sound like your partner ?
Best wishes
Steve2
Hia Mich, good to see you have found the forum, sorry to hearr of your recent struggles. I base my reply and advice on personal experience. We are all built differently, regardless of managain PD. You say your partner is three years in, still fairly early days. Some of the reasoning I would consider:-
any mediciaiton yet, when was last review, I was just over three years on the initial meds after diagnosis before I noticed a few issues creeping in and had my meds tweaked. The shoe laces - what a pain, maybe opt for slip on shoes, makes a huge difference, I have got so frustrated of being able to get trainers on, let alone tie them up before bursting into tears! Any strategies around the home that could help practically, the frustration for me was a biggie - I got so annoyed and frustrated with myself, which then made me upset, it could be the smallest thing and like you say, you take it out on the closest to you. I was nearly 53 when diagnosed and in denial for at least 18months. I have adapted slowly, but getting there and accepting there are going to be limitations and having to do things in a different way. None of want to be a burden to those we love, whatever the condition. Here if you want to chat, take care 
Hi mich,
I had trouble putting shoes on so I bought a slip on type trainer with Velcro and slip on shoes with a long shoe Horn, I find with each PD problem you have there are ways around it.
Also PD comes in different types so affects people differently. The problem with PD it can affect the brain and the autonomic system.
Keep a note of the his problems discretely so as not to upset him and discuss with PD nurse ECT. They can advise you on the way forward.
I see that people with young onset have videos on YouTube that may provide inspiration for you both.
Best wishes
Lar
Yes it does sound like him . The medication is not helping at all . Even the Parkinson’s nurse put on her notes he seems undertreated . We’re going on Monday so I’m going to discuss more about this
Hi Mich … When I was first diagnosed I tried two different Parkinson’s medications that did not work. After that I tried Co-careldopa which I felt did work.
If your partner finds that no Parkinson’s medication works then perhaps he might not have Parkinson’s.
Best wishes
Steve2
Thank you . I hope you’re ok . I will suggest the slip on trainers . The medication doesn’t seem to work . We’re going to see the Parkinson’s nurse Monday so will discuss these issues . Thank you so much
Hi Steve he is on the one your on. I have suggested to three different neurologists that perhaps he hasn’t got Parkinson’s we even paid privately. They all said yes he has so I just don’t know
Thank you so much . The trainers are a great idea . I hope your ok
I am in the early stages and take no Parkinson drugs as yet.
Bur my temper gets worse.
It is the Cinderella illness and i need to meet other PD sufferers. I am old so I expect to die in the near future. But to be younger must be very very frustrating.
As for your situation, it would be good to meet other PD wives/ husbands.
Ten years ago I had a full stroke, and got good recovery. My stroke group had days for partners/ carers.
Best wishes
Sooty
Thank you I would like to talk to other wives / partners . I wish you all the best and hope your ok
Hi Mich
I feel for you both.
Firstly, are you being supported? Your GP and/or Adult Social Care should be able to connect you with support as an informal carer. If they haven’'t already then it’s certainly worth asking.
Also worth asking your GP what support they can access for patients with chronic conditions…in many areas they have a service just for this, it might be called a Living Well Coach or Wellbeing Coach or Social Prescriber, something like that.
I was the Living Well Coach at my surgery for 6 years and am happy to chat any time.
Also, elastic laces that fasten with a toggle…best invention since the wheel!
Simon