How to help my parents without parenting them


#1

Hi all,
My mum has recently been diagnosed with Parkinsons. It currently affects her right hand with a tremor, walking has become slow & unsteady & her speach is sometimes affected.
My father cares for her and is doing an ok job. I notice a decline in her when she returns to her home after staying with me or my brother. They also live very rural so she cant get out unless he takes her. I have asked them to sell up and move to be near me (almost 200miles difference) so myself and my family can assist in her care and give them both a better quality of life. My father was furious and has taken this as an insult into him not being capable of caring for his wife, thus refusing to move. My mum, would love to be nearer to me and her grandchildren. Am i being selfish and insensitive in requesting this happens for the good of her health? I currently run my own business and have 4 teenage children so moving closer to them is not possible.
Any advice on how i can help from afar would be appreciated. I’m also not hating on my father; I know full well he loves my mother & believes he is doing the best for her. Other than offering 5days restbite every 6-7 weeks. I dont know what else to do.


#2

Hi @Elo,

Welcome to the Parkinson’s UK forum.

This seems like a really difficult situation for all involved, however, it’s really important to remember that Parkinson’s affects everyone differently so I wouldn’t take your dad’s reaction to heart. I’m sure you’ll hear from other members shortly with some supportive comments, in the meantime, both your parents may benefit from in home care. Social services or social work department - or health and social care trust in Northern Ireland - has a responsibility to assess your parents needs and arrange services that can help your mum stay in her home. There 's more information on this here - https://www.parkinsons.org.uk/information-and-support/home-care-and-care-homes.

For more information and support on this, feel free to chat to one of our friendly advisers via our confidential helpline on 0808 800 0303 or email us at [email protected].

I hope you find this information helpful.

Best wishes,
Reah
Forum Community Manager