I don't know what to do


#1

My father was diagnosed with Parkingson's when I was in high school, 2001?, maybe even before that. Since then, his Parkingson's has progressed greatly. He lost his ability to drive 1.5 years ago. He also recently got a divorce  (within the last year). It's been very trying for him and I work and go to school so the time I am able to spend with him is not as much as I would like. I have two other siblings as well and one of them sees him once a week.

He called me today while I was out of town. I missed the call the first time and called him back 10 minutes after. I asked him if he needed anything, as it was unusual for him to call me at such a late hour (11:30pm). He didn't say anything for a while, and then started sobbing. He said he's so lonely and depressed. I feel so helpless as I am not due back until 4 more days. Also, I don't know what I can do to lessen these feelings of worthlessness/depression that he feels. My heart feels heavy and I feel helpless to help him. He is a stubborn man and will not see a therapist.

I cannot feel the same pain he feels but I know he feels lonely and sad. He has no wife, after over 25 years (although, it was an unhappy marriage). He now lives with his sister, who is also mentally sick and does not provide the companionship that he craves. He cannot drive, therefore losing his sense of independence. He had to go on disability and stop working last year since he can no longer drive and cannot function well at work.

I cannot talk about any of this to my friends because I feel they cannot understand. The few times I've mentioned short snippets about him, my friends are sympathetic but, again, cannot feel or understand how I feel. I feel so helpless and this in turn has started to make me feel depressed as well. Any input or advice would be appreciated. Sorry for the long post. It's hard to put it all down in words and I tend to ramble on.


#2

Hi Tofu....Welcome to the forum......I am so sorry to hear about your dear Dad and the effect it is having on you and your siblings. It is a strange disease that has so many varied symptoms and depression can be one of them. It does sound as though Dad needs to chat with his PD nurse or consultant who would listen to him and maybe alter his meds to suit him better. Can you encourage him to get in touch with Parkinsons uk if he wont contact his Nuerologist, he can speak to a nurse who is qualified to help and listen and advise. Being the relative or carer of a person with a progressive disease is terribly demanding and as you say it is making you feel down. The poor man obviously needs help but difficult for you if he is so stubborn......personally and this is only my opinion i would tell him how it is affecting you and how much you love him and want to help but he also needs to meet you halfway and by seeking help from professionals it would ease your worrying. Meanwhile please keep in touch on this thread, i am so glad you have found us and we are as i always say...a friendly approachable "lot"razzand are here for each other, whether you be a carer or a Parky person! we all have our stories to tell and some will be able probably to advise you better than me. I was diagnosed last year and if you click on the pic of my cat Jess it will bring up my story....if it helps you a bit. lol

Your friends will try to understand but honestly unless you are directly involved with Parkinsons in some way they can't.......but we can, so keep posting Tofu (love the name)!

and as i always say keeeeeeeeeeeeep smiling matey big grin


#3

Hello tofu, welcome to the group.  I wonder if your dad would feel better if he could just get out and see people.  I don`t know where he lives but perhaps you could do an on-line search for befrienders or local groups who offer transport to appointments like doctor or dentist.  In my area they will also take and fetch from local social groups and we have things like scrabble and seated exercise groups.  His GP may be able to put him  or you in touch with them.  Probus is a club for men and they might be able to offer lifts to their meetings.  Our library keeps a lot of this sort of info too and about local clubs and societies.

And of course, has your dad got a computer so he can join our forum himself?  We`re a very friendly lot and he`ll be made very welcome.

Best wishes to you and to your dad

Hatknitter


#4

Ask him whether he would consider a mobillity scooter, dont have one myself but often hire one and they are great fun and increase your ability to get out and about tenfold .

 

GOOD LUCK big grin


#5

Hello Tofu,

Have you been in touch with your local Adult Care Team?    They  can be very helpful.

I care for my wife, who has advanced Parkinson's and who can't really do anything for herself and being the sole Carer means that I don't get out much.

Our local Adult Care Services have granted us  Direct Payments, so that we can buy Care in, which gives me at least some time off.   We also have the same Carer and my wife Joan has formed a good relationship with her.

It's just an idea that you may find useful.

 

Cheers         big grin