I have been thinking


                                           Yes thinking I do it all the time,  well I was thinking about all the  things I have lost since my first encounter with  BLACKHEART, so the lost list.

 My job,and the self esteem  that  goes with it so thats 2 things , my workmates 3 my skills 4 my 14 separate licences (operators) ,at least 7 friends  two  died  so  5,  my stability 6 , my driving  licence 7 i was learning to fly 8  I can  no  longer  do  the  garden 9 cant  travel  far  without feeling  sick10, I cant make  models or carry my air  rifle to  the  ranges 12  I cant  eat in   restraunts as Dyskinesia kicks  in, and my food  flies all over,   13 my  speech  is  bad so  its hard for people to  understand  me  at  times  14   I  cant  walk more  than 2mtrs 15 I cant dress /undress without  help, 16 I need help with my  eating and at  times Im  so  weak I my  wife  has  to  feed  me, losing  my  mam  and  dad  so  there  will  be  more,  many  more  but  lets  tot,al  them  up  eh, well 20  as  Im  counting  each loss a  one  if  you  see my   meaning,

       Now there are also  gains  yes  yes there  are  gains  1 the fantastic staff   at NTGH   all of them  are my  great  friends they  have  cared  for  me  for for18yrs, the mental  capacity  to deal  with  multiple  hits  at  the  same  time,2 my  family strength 3 the strong  friends I have  left 4 and then my  dear  wife 5 without whom  I would  not  exist , then  there is  this  Forum,  and   all  my  friends  here 6,  so 20  v   6 you would  by  any measure say  the  losses won  but  you  would  be  wrong, as apart  from  my  losing my  parents ,  they  are in  my past  so  I dont  fret  ,right  now  I  feel  ok  so  I  dont  think  of  the  losses  I  just  get  on  with   the  life  I have  been dealing  with all  those  painful  years, and will continue  doing  so until I  breath  my  last  and if  BLACKHEART  thinks  otherwise  well  he  better be  up  for  it as  I have  all  you  losses  on  my  team,  so  YAH  BOO  SUCKS   blacky   gird your loins,, and fill  your  hand  you  sonofab???,,  yes  I know  but  I like  being daft  and  recent  events have only  made  me  more  resilent ,I am  at  NTGH  urology  tomorrow ,  then back  jabs  ASAP   but  Im  ready  now  so  onward  .

                                            Best  to  all   FED



I often think as well, I think of this parky life much like a game on the bbc tv generation game, like plates spinning on sticks and we have to keep them spinning, each plate is a problem to be solved or goal in our lives, we get one going then another and another, but then one requires a bit more attention to keep it spinning, the game goes on and each time we think one is just right another requires attention.

Our problems and goals are never ending and we have to seek and find ways to get around them that is how we win, it may not always be a big win but its a win on our own terms.


   Well thought out reply Mr Angler very apt, the spinning plates , yes I like it but how do I cope with my  angel of a Lady, Lorraine, I wouldnt normaly include  her name in any  post , its  just I want you  and all reading  this post to know how much I love her, so to show the increasing strength of our  bond I reserved  a beautiful Celtic  bracelet and matching  neck less, the neck less has a big  fat Emerald nestling in flawless diamonds and the bracelet has been lovingly hand  crafted with 18carrots, , when I asked the craftsman why he used carrots 18  of  them, instead of the myriad of cutting and shaping tools hanging in   workshop in  a converted  barn he said, " are you right in the head Mr Fed carrots of the  long orange variety are  for  rabbits and  folks that need  to see better  in  the dark, now has that gone in Mr thicko"  whereas the tools you see behind me are used in the construction of works  of  art by myself my wife, and young78 yr old George seated here beside me, George nodded in my  direction, well upon receipt of this rather rude rebuttle to my simple  if rather moronic reqest I replied, ( oh been  on   the poteen again Harry I wish  you would give me a ring whe  your  latest  production run is  complete, you  should  wait  until you  migraine subdues,) he complained his dear wife had  forgotten   to purchase some when shopping in Morpeth , she bought  half  of b??//,y  Morpeth but not my ANTMI Pills   he complained  luckily Lorraine had  some  in  her bag which he was  given and  in  30mins he was  fine,  and  I was  time  to see  how  my  order  was  progressing,  lets  just  say  for  a work  in  progress   its a  work  of  art, now  to  the  frustrating  bit,  beloved  has  no  idea  of  my  plan  , she was  not  allowed  into  his  walk in  safe as  its  meant  as  a  surprise, and  as  we  drove  away I  was  informed  in  a emphatic manner, " mind  I dont want  any  thing from  him  he  is  too  expensive "  so  thats  me   blown  out   of  the  water what  do  I DO  ANSWERS ASAP  TO  FED  care  of  PDF.

                             A VERY PUZZLED  FEDexlike



Only a woman could decipher that ? but don't ness take it as a negative.


Well Mr FEDex, she says it..... but will be thrilled with her present, especially when given with so much love, go ahead with Plan A.  Best wishes, wife of Parky sufferer, MargotH

op  Thank you both I WILL GO AHEAD with my plan

                   I found out, something today , I have been taking implants to stop Prostate  cancer killing  me, and  they  work, the  last  time  I was  at  urology the  spa reading  was 7,  today it  was  1 so I was pleased, but the  Doc  wasnt  the  chap  I usually see   and  he  told me  the implants  will  stop my body  producing testosterone as  the  cancer needs TT to  grow  and  spread but  they  will  also  make me  very  weak,, so  i have  been  as  week  as a kitten for months  now and thought it  was  parky,  but  it  was  the  implants,  so  some  choice  eh stop the  implants  be  strong  and die,, or  continue  as per  be  weak  live  longer  and  die,,well thank  very much  you  yes  thank  you  THANK  YOu, its a bit like not  winning  the  eurovision  song  contest you have won by not  winning   if you  see what I mean  no one survives  the E S C, do  they, so imto be  a very  weak  liver,  ok  I can  handle  that. yes , bit dissapointed  but  yes   I have  to  deal  with  it  burggerr.

                        Thanks  Santa  or not  even FED

So sorry to hear your news life is such a b****  Not much of a choice is it, but choice it is, you are still in control of your destiny, try and think it through, listen to advice, and make your own decisions..


coolWell I am used to the give with one hand  and take with another MargoH , its been this  way since the Heed Bomber at Newcastle, RVI , (Heed Bomber, = Boss  Gaffer Manager ) cheerfully informed me I had BLACKHEART, parky, he seemed very  pleased to pass on  the results of the  M R I  scan  and almost fell  out of his  revolving computer chair , I  had only marginal knowledge of pd  and  what I was in  for , well   I know now and I am  going to retard break hard test the ABS  on this  post as  beloved  is  needing  a shoppng hunt  down the  village, so  will  continue soon


So not  only do I have parky weakening my defences but also the implants of  Oestrogen prevent the production of Testosterone thereby weakening me further plus, I cant have radiotherapy as the Ddopa is supported by a fine wire apparently and radiotherapy could damage it and   or me ,well Ill go tht  ftof ourstairs and thats real swearing then  nay  THEN YES INDEED THEN i cant have chemotherapy  for  it  would mean  ceasing my  uptake of Ddopa  and  assorted other drugs and that  would  cause my  blood  pressure  to drop or climb  perhaps both?? , the hideous night terrors  would return with  avengeance along  with the visions of hell so  thats  a  no  no  then, well yes  I  mean  no  what  it  means I have  a  choice of  dying  quickly by  not  fighting  Prostate or feasibly  possibly  a   longer  slower kicking of  the proverbial old  bucket with the  risk  of  dementia like  symptoms, thrown in for further amusement ,

 well slap   me  down with a wet  sock,  what a  choice  eh  ???  bring  it on  thats  my  motto  bring  it  on,,  yes  sir,  ooooooh  if  thats  all  you  can  muster ,     ththough  when  the  elements  turn agin yee  ya  just along  for  the  ride  so  I  intend  to  enjoy  the  view yes indeed thats  my  plan.

                                                   Ledsled  FED