Yes thinking I do it all the time, well I was thinking about all the things I have lost since my first encounter with BLACKHEART, so the lost list.
My job,and the self esteem that goes with it so thats 2 things , my workmates 3 my skills 4 my 14 separate licences (operators) ,at least 7 friends two died so 5, my stability 6 , my driving licence 7 i was learning to fly 8 I can no longer do the garden 9 cant travel far without feeling sick10, I cant make models or carry my air rifle to the ranges 12 I cant eat in restraunts as Dyskinesia kicks in, and my food flies all over, 13 my speech is bad so its hard for people to understand me at times 14 I cant walk more than 2mtrs 15 I cant dress /undress without help, 16 I need help with my eating and at times Im so weak I my wife has to feed me, losing my mam and dad so there will be more, many more but lets tot,al them up eh, well 20 as Im counting each loss a one if you see my meaning,
Now there are also gains yes yes there are gains 1 the fantastic staff at NTGH all of them are my great friends they have cared for me for for18yrs, the mental capacity to deal with multiple hits at the same time,2 my family strength 3 the strong friends I have left 4 and then my dear wife 5 without whom I would not exist , then there is this Forum, and all my friends here 6, so 20 v 6 you would by any measure say the losses won but you would be wrong, as apart from my losing my parents , they are in my past so I dont fret ,right now I feel ok so I dont think of the losses I just get on with the life I have been dealing with all those painful years, and will continue doing so until I breath my last and if BLACKHEART thinks otherwise well he better be up for it as I have all you losses on my team, so YAH BOO SUCKS blacky gird your loins,, and fill your hand you sonofab???,, yes I know but I like being daft and recent events have only made me more resilent ,I am at NTGH urology tomorrow , then back jabs ASAP but Im ready now so onward .
I often think as well, I think of this parky life much like a game on the bbc tv generation game, like plates spinning on sticks and we have to keep them spinning, each plate is a problem to be solved or goal in our lives, we get one going then another and another, but then one requires a bit more attention to keep it spinning, the game goes on and each time we think one is just right another requires attention.
Our problems and goals are never ending and we have to seek and find ways to get around them that is how we win, it may not always be a big win but its a win on our own terms.
Well thought out reply Mr Angler very apt, the spinning plates , yes I like it but how do I cope with my angel of a Lady, Lorraine, I wouldnt normaly include her name in any post , its just I want you and all reading this post to know how much I love her, so to show the increasing strength of our bond I reserved a beautiful Celtic bracelet and matching neck less, the neck less has a big fat Emerald nestling in flawless diamonds and the bracelet has been lovingly hand crafted with 18carrots, , when I asked the craftsman why he used carrots 18 of them, instead of the myriad of cutting and shaping tools hanging in workshop in a converted barn he said, " are you right in the head Mr Fed carrots of the long orange variety are for rabbits and folks that need to see better in the dark, now has that gone in Mr thicko" whereas the tools you see behind me are used in the construction of works of art by myself my wife, and young78 yr old George seated here beside me, George nodded in my direction, well upon receipt of this rather rude rebuttle to my simple if rather moronic reqest I replied, ( oh been on the poteen again Harry I wish you would give me a ring whe your latest production run is complete, you should wait until you migraine subdues,) he complained his dear wife had forgotten to purchase some when shopping in Morpeth , she bought half of b??//,y Morpeth but not my ANTMI Pills he complained luckily Lorraine had some in her bag which he was given and in 30mins he was fine, and I was time to see how my order was progressing, lets just say for a work in progress its a work of art, now to the frustrating bit, beloved has no idea of my plan , she was not allowed into his walk in safe as its meant as a surprise, and as we drove away I was informed in a emphatic manner, " mind I dont want any thing from him he is too expensive " so thats me blown out of the water what do I DO ANSWERS ASAP TO FED care of PDF.
Well Mr FEDex, she says it..... but will be thrilled with her present, especially when given with so much love, go ahead with Plan A. Best wishes, wife of Parky sufferer, MargotH
I found out, something today , I have been taking implants to stop Prostate cancer killing me, and they work, the last time I was at urology the spa reading was 7, today it was 1 so I was pleased, but the Doc wasnt the chap I usually see and he told me the implants will stop my body producing testosterone as the cancer needs TT to grow and spread but they will also make me very weak,, so i have been as week as a kitten for months now and thought it was parky, but it was the implants, so some choice eh stop the implants be strong and die,, or continue as per be weak live longer and die,,well thank very much you yes thank you THANK YOu, its a bit like not winning the eurovision song contest you have won by not winning if you see what I mean no one survives the E S C, do they, so imto be a very weak liver, ok I can handle that. yes , bit dissapointed but yes I have to deal with it burggerr.
So sorry to hear your news life is such a b**** Not much of a choice is it, but choice it is, you are still in control of your destiny, try and think it through, listen to advice, and make your own decisions..
Well I am used to the give with one hand and take with another MargoH , its been this way since the Heed Bomber at Newcastle, RVI , (Heed Bomber, = Boss Gaffer Manager ) cheerfully informed me I had BLACKHEART, parky, he seemed very pleased to pass on the results of the M R I scan and almost fell out of his revolving computer chair , I had only marginal knowledge of pd and what I was in for , well I know now and I am going to retard break hard test the ABS on this post as beloved is needing a shoppng hunt down the village, so will continue soon
So not only do I have parky weakening my defences but also the implants of Oestrogen prevent the production of Testosterone thereby weakening me further plus, I cant have radiotherapy as the Ddopa is supported by a fine wire apparently and radiotherapy could damage it and or me ,well Ill go tht ftof ourstairs and thats real swearing then nay THEN YES INDEED THEN i cant have chemotherapy for it would mean ceasing my uptake of Ddopa and assorted other drugs and that would cause my blood pressure to drop or climb perhaps both?? , the hideous night terrors would return with avengeance along with the visions of hell so thats a no no then, well yes I mean no what it means I have a choice of dying quickly by not fighting Prostate or feasibly possibly a longer slower kicking of the proverbial old bucket with the risk of dementia like symptoms, thrown in for further amusement ,
well slap me down with a wet sock, what a choice eh ??? bring it on thats my motto bring it on,, yes sir, ooooooh if thats all you can muster , ththough when the elements turn agin yee ya just along for the ride so I intend to enjoy the view yes indeed thats my plan.
