i was wondering , because I’m really struggling to keep positive and it’s not getting any better. . i should be so joyful. I have a lovely home, good friends, and managing to keep working ( just). So why do I feel so god dam low and tearful?
At present preparing for Halloween , love to do every year, a big garden display. And this year thought I would do an events page and get donation’s for Parkinson’s… But Ive never done one before, and have got despondent , and my confidence slipping. It feels like an up hill slog to keep my spirits up.
Waiting for counselling,… but is this what I need? Because as I said I have no reason to be sad, other than my unwanted guest!
I’m I sad because the levels of dopamine and serotonin are low. Could it be a chemical imbalance and not emotional? does that make sense.? Sorry to be a whinge .
Im not sure what to do? any thoughts very welcome
Esme you’re not whinging at all. Parkinson’s has, it seems to me, a never-ending supply of new ways to throw curved balls into the mix with no clue as to what to do about it. The good thing is that you are recognising this, the bad bit is that because you are aware of it, it can grow ever bigger in your mind. You ask why, when you have so many good things in your life do you feel like this, that you have no reason to. My question to you is why not? You may be fortunate to have a string of good things in your life and that is wonderful, but it is you that is living with Parkinson’s, and it is Parkinson’s that is affecting your mood. It’s a bit like when people say ‘there’s always someone worse off’ mostly that’s true and your problems may seem insignificant alongside those of others but it doesn’t make yours any easier to deal with nor any less important. What you do about it, depends I think on how you see it. I know from other posts you’ve written, that certain aspects of Parkinson’s have played havoc with your sleep pattern, might fatigue from this be part of the cause?; overtiredness is something I try to be aware of precisely because it can negatively affect my mood. You may not be able to resolve this but simply being actively aware of it can make a difference. This may seem an odd thing to say coming from me for whom positivity is so important, but are you perhaps trying too hard to present a positive front and not letting anyone see a more honest picture. As I have written many times, (and I am sure there are some who will think 'here we go again she’s like a broken record) but positivity to me is not about being endlessly upbeat and much more about being honest with myself and recognising when I an feeling vulnerable, sad, angry or whatever and having some trusted family and friends who let me lean on them. One friend and I exchange “I need an ear emails.” You always seem very busy are you perhaps taking on too much or maybe worrying be it consciously or not, that your skills may not be as good as they were, or that it is all harder than it used to be and that is hard to accept ie are you in fact effectively ‘mourning’ what Parkinson’s is taking from you. Might it be that as the days grow shorter you may be developing sad and there are things you can do to reduce the impact of this.That may all be total rubbish of course, but if you look behind the headlines in your post you may come up with some other explanations
for your feeling sad. If you can explain it, it may be less of an issue. And of course you are right it might be something like a chemical imbalance and worth checking with your GP. What it most definitely is not is whinging.
Not a lot of practical help I know but perhaps get you thinking about the issue a bit differently.
I hope your smile comes back soon
I know nothing about your situation, but if you have cried your heart out, hurled things around the room or screamed from the top of a hill, all to no avail, then perhaps you should see your doctor about the possibility of starting on medication while you wait for your counselling.
Just don’t let it get out of hand. Your doctor might advise.
Totally agree Ellemac.
Hi Esme, hoping the replies have helped in some way, I had similar conversation with my mum, she is in good health for her age and as she says ‘cant complain’ someone worse off and wishes it was her that could take my PD. What I have realised particularly since lockdown eased restrictions the world is opening up and everyone is readjusting, we can meet socially now but still an aspect of cautioness and how close I stand to someone else, it’s been really difficult to work out for myself on a slow day what triggers an emotion, but aware of it, acknowledging something doesn’t feel quite right, made appointment with GP and for me it is hormonal. HRT here I come! I hope your halloween preps go well, I’m sure someone will post some help on how to start your events page if you still want to, I’d be more than happy to help (my duaghter is really good with things like this). As for your confidence slipping, all too aware of that feeling and for me personally I think that is a link with how we have all had to adjust over lockdown, I have friends that haven’t yet gone out, small steps and hope your GP will listen to you, take carex
Thank you, you gave me food for thought and have inspired me to write a poem first thing this morning! I will put it on the September post.
Going back to you reply, Yes Parkinson’s does give some curve balls.
Some of what you said did resonate with me. And the clouds in my mind have shifted. Your right about the tiredness and pain, it’s been a rough few month, and I probably (have) trying to keep up with my old self. I have always had several projects on the go at once, kept the mind sharp and creative, but my poor little brain is struggling to keep up. Time to change the frequency I believe.
Maybe sad is the wrong word, I sometimes miss the joy of a new day and all it’s wonderful funny bits in between. I will start my counselling, as I think me, and Mr. P have to have a few discussions. And have already contacted GP this morning, and he says the lack of Dopamine can play a part in our thought processes, and new research has shown the lack Serotine maybe even more important than they first thought. So am popping in for a chat today.
Thank you for giving your time and your kind words.
Thankfully I’m not a plate chucking kind of person, ha-ha. But have a lovely GP, and definitely, will be seeing him for advice…
And thank you for your kindness
Yes i have found , the opening of lockdown challenging. Every one has suddenly become busy, busy. But somehow I dont feel I have moved on much. Anyway seeing Doctor today and he’s lovely to talk too. Just reading posts this morning has shifted my mind set a little already. Like you say, small steps.
Thank you for the offer of helping with events page,…I may just take you up on that . I still got time to organise it.
And thank you for your Kind words
Hi @Esme ,
Sorry to read about the hard time you are going through at the moment. My advice is don’t let Parkinson’s get you. Like Tot I am also a promoter of positivity. For example I am a nurse and works in NHS in an Acute Medical Unit where we receive all the medical patients from A&E . Several times in a week I cone across with PD patients in their advanced stage, then a cruel heart breaking thought flash through my mind, it could be me one day. If am keep on thinking of this , I won’t be able to work. Instead I tries to take care of that patient very well and make sure get medication on time etc. If I am sitting , thinking there is lots to worry as since I had the diagnosis everything goes wrong with me healthwise but I am not willing to conquer yet. One of the doctors asked me how do you find time to work in between these appointments. That is where my positive Mind gives me the strength.
My advice is take one day at a time . Keep yourself occupied and take off the mind from the thoughts that won’t help you. Lack of dopamine leads to lack of motivation. Which I am experiencing too… Try to continue your story about unexpected friend. Also your poems are really meaningful.
As Ellemac suggested speak to your gp. Get your lovely grand daughter and spent time with her .sen ding you hugs and love . Take care.