Looking for advice on whether I should support parents plans to move closer to me and brother.
My mum (77) was diagnosed with Parkinsons 18months ago. Recently we’ve also discussed if she has dementia (awaiting memory clinic appt).
She is generally pretty good, cooking, driving and remembering things, but has foggy moments where she can’t remember thread of conversation, and on occasion orienting herself in public places (turning the right way or knowing route out). In contrast my dad (84) is still sharp but increasingly weak and worried about being able to help mum.
They have been talking about moving to a village 10mins from me and brother, which is flatter and better serviced than current house (shops, cafe, pub). We had planned to help make this a gradual move to reduce pressure on them both.
Recently I went with mum to our local Parkinsons nurse (first visit and brilliantly helpful). When I mentioned parents planned move she winced, and advised (gently!) that this might not be helpful as new house would be difficult for mum to fully know and remember. Given that I have put a brake on move until new year.
My dilemma:
If they were closer we could provide daily help if / when needed.
Mum is still mostly independent but decline evident in last year.
Dad needs help (stimulation) too.
Anyone got any advice? Do we leave them where they are until conditions force move? Should we move them asap?
Hello SandraMJ
This is always something of a dilemma. Before I consider my reply if I am able to offer anything useful, you wrote that you had planned to. make this a gradual move - may I ask what you meant by this, how you saw a gradual move happening. It would give me a better idea of what your thinking was; also was your parents aware of this and in agreement with it. Thanks for any comments you are able to make regarding this.
Tot
Hello SandraMJ … I think the first thing I would say is that you are quite right that you can’t leave your parents where they are in an unsuitable house & location. Your Dad is 84 has his marbles but is too weak physically. Your Mum is 77 & has Parkinson’s & possible dementia [should she still be driving?]. The DVLA have to be told by law.
Do you need to sell their house before buying a new home? What will you do with all your parent’s possessions? What sort of property do they plan to buy? How long do you assume they will live in this new property?
I think it is brilliant that both you & your brother want to help your parents.
We need quite a bit more information as Tot mentions.
The reality of moving is a very emotional process that will. as your Parkinson’s nurse realises, impact on your parents mental health.
But of course we don’t know you or your parents.
Best of luck in what you decide to do.
Best of luck
Steve2