My Dad, his partner & our relationship

My dad (81) has PD for about 8 years. His partner has been brilliant throughout and generally his health is ok, apart from a knotted stomach which limits what he does as it makes him very tired. This has got worse recently though and he’s in pain almost constantly but the GP and Parkinsons nurse can’t get to the bottom of what’s causing it.

My dad’s partner is finding it all very stressful and sometimes is in tears on the phone to me but I generally only speak to my dad as when I ring and she answers, without missing a beat she passes the phone straight to him. I keep telling them to let me know if I can help at all, I’m happy to go and see them and give her a break for the day but this rarely amounts to anything. It seems they are keeping me at arm’s length (I have felt this for quite some time actually). I don’t feel like I can just turn up without it being pre-arranged (they live 1 hour away from me) however I feel helpless when I feel limited in what I can actually do. Any advice please? Should I just wait for them to ask for help?

It might be worth sending a ‘Thinking of you’ greetings card or a bouquet of flowers or box of chocs - with a message that you’d like to help anytime

Justthisguy is right, it’s an excellent idea to open the door. As a parent of adult children with their own lives, I know I am guilty of trying to “protect” them even now. I wouldn’t mind guessing this is what your dad and his partner are trying to do as you seem to have a good relationship with them both. It’s ridiculous really, we’d drop everything for our children if needed, and sometkmes have done so, but are reluctant to impinge on their lives!

Go gently but you will all gain in the end. :slightly_smiling_face: