Hi
My dad is in a Bupa care home. He has Parkinson’s and Parkinson’s dementia. He constantly asks me for money. He does not understand that I pay all his bills etc… as I have power of attorney. There is nothing in the home for him to buy,but has always had a thing about having money in his pocket. Yesterday he was very anxious ,I can tell because his arms tremor quite badly. He wants £100. I was at the stage of going to draw it out and give it to him. The home don’t advise this as it could get lost or stolen. I’m at my Witt’s end as I feel like my dad hates me because I don’t give him the money. Any advise would be grateful .
Kindest regards
Lee
Hi Lee,
It’s very unfortunate that your father is dealing with these issues on multiple fronts. While every person with Parkinson’s is different, finding suitable means of communication is always important. We always advise you to speak to your medical professionals, of course, but you can also reach our free and confidential helpline at 0808 800 0303. They are specially trained and ready to help, sometimes in surprising ways. They are open Monday-Friday, 9 to 6, and Saturdays from 10 to 2.
Wishing you and your father our best,
Jason
Forum Moderator
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Could you give your dad a few coins, it might be enough for him to just have something. Do they play cards or bingo at night or anything? Sometimes the meds can cause a tendency to gamble though. Try not to think your dad hates you, its a combination of the disease and dementia that goes with it plus maybe a bit of frustration thrown in that your dad maybe cant do the things he used to.
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Maybe you could just give him £20 as a compromise to appease him in the short term n see how he gets on ?
Hope this helps in the short term
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I can understand why you’re hesitant to give him the money, especially since the care home has advised against it. It’s important to ensure his safety and prevent any possibility of the money getting lost or stolen. However, I also understand how frustrating it must be for your dad to not get what he wants, and how this might cause some tension between you. Have you considered finding alternative ways to provide your dad with some sort of stimulation that doesn’t involve cash? Maybe there are some games or activities that he could enjoy that offer a small prize or payout? I recently came across removed by admin Perhaps this could be a good way to help your dad feel a sense of accomplishment and reward without putting his safety at risk.
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Hi, I am not sure if this will help. My wife’s mum had dementia and my wife brought her to our home for almost 18 months. My wife had a schedule for her and routines were followed, but sadly her mother did not recognize her and often called her by her older sister’s name. However the day she was being taken back to the main house, (MIL’s house) she held my wife’s hand called her by correct name and said “Du, thank you for taking care of me” (Duwa in Sinhalese means, daughter, when shortened to Du, it is a more intimate form of addressing a daughter) That single line of acknowledgement was enough payback for my wife. So don’t worry, you may think that your efforts are fruitless but hang in there, one day you will reap your harvest of peace.
It’s hard when someone you care about is going through such challenges. Maybe consider explaining to him the situation and why it’s not advisable to keep cash on hand at the care home. Communication can be tricky, especially with conditions like Parkinson’s and dementia, but it might help ease the tension. In addition to explaining the situation, have you considered suggesting your dad some cool apps that pay you real money for simple tasks? There are ones that reward you for things like walking a certain number of steps. It could be a way for your dad to have a bit of pocket money without the risk of losing it. Just a thought to explore!