I am starting a personal blog here because I have a habit of losing or smashing phones periodically and thus losing the info stored there. I am not interested in posting about my experience for friends or colleagues. I’m of the internet age so posting helps me collect my thoughts.
This can be ignored by everyone.
I was diagnosed roughly six months ago. My symptoms began about four years ago.
My chosen route forward is Qigong.
Even if the practice were to have no effect on my “physical symptoms” I would continue it anyway for the spiritual expansion it offers me. I have practiced zazen for much of my life but only began a consistent Qigong practice at the beginning of this year.
I worst enemy is fear.
Talking to people About "my experience " is becoming impossible.
ideas about experiencing anything in isolation are becoming artifacts of past thought habits (habitats) that get squeezed out of exhales. ( In hale, sleet,snow)
I can look at someone and feel a raw communication with more richness than verbal work.
It’s easier to do this with people I have never met and with people I am closest to.
I could see myself going mute someday. Twitching signals in a morose code.
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I opened the green chakra and removed a childhood toy. I tossed it into the sand and a house sprouted.
When I get back to the states will I chase the same lives? I am the dog that caught the wrong car riding turbulence. The livers hyperventilation, hot turbines screaming through congested traffic.
Science teaches us to believe and then insults us with baffling elegant gestures.
We dissect the body to pull out ten yards of confusing rope and gasp as it constricts us under gods gaze.
I cry at the feet of songs. I open my chest and feel tangible love, material ,tactile love.
How can cheap chemistry reach into this fire? What would it hope to extract from such a pure and empty market?
The breath exchange.
Up and down quarterly.
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