Oh! dear- another 'down' day


#1
Thought things were improving until I went visiting this afternoon.
Apparently my wife had a misunderstanding about her bedtime last evening. Possibly the carer could have smoothed things over - maybe my wife was too quick to react. Whatever, there was a bit of a rumpus. Whether this unsettled my wife - she complained later about her bed being too noisy! ( bed with vibrating mattress)
and this caused more disruption - lots of tears and wanting to go home.

I know that she believes all will be well if only could be at home but I am terrified to think how i would cope in an emergency.

My heart says try it - but my head says impossible.
Will I always regret that we can't have a trial run - but that means having to bring a hospital type bed etc. into our bungalow - lots of snags - and then if it didn't work out for the good all the upheaval of going back to square one.
Might have lost her place at the present nursing home - and then where do we go?

How do I lose this awful feeling of not being able to something as 'simple' as bringing my lovely lass home?

Feel better now i have thought about it all again.

Sorry for being such an emotional old man.

Goodnight all

jackmin

#2
Sometimes it just helps to write everything down, doesn't it? Get it all off your chest. Take care and keep strong. Love Silverkins.

#3
Hi Jackmin, what a dilemna, and one my Dad faced concerning my Mum. He managed to care for her at home (plus twice a day carers) for about a year after we thought she should be in a home. The sense of duty / love / guilt etc made that decision very difficult. With her last admission to hospital though he realised that he could no longer care for her (primarily due to loss of her mobility but also advancing dementia). It was an easier move from hospital to nursing home, as it was better than hospital care.
He suffered mentally and physically over the last few years especially, but is now regaining strength and wellbeing.
Mum's questions about "are we going home soon" and the like are still sometimes there though ...
I think you will know when the line is crossed, but maybe a bit late. Talking to others helps (as a sounding board if nothing else), and of course this forum and experts.
Best of luck ...

#4
I can really sympathise. I have the same problem with my husband who has been in hospital for 7 weeks and keeps asking when am I going home. I keep hoping he is going to get better and that his mind will come back again and he will be able to eat normally but having to face the probability that this will not happen. I just want to bring him home but like you am not sure how I will manage. As you say it does help to put your thoughts down in words and also to know that you are not alone. Sorry if this doesn't help you much but just thought I would let you know how I feel for you.
With love

#5
Dear Jackmin

It is a terrible dilemma and there is no magic answer. You just have to do what seems right at the time - for you as well as for your wife.

Platespinner's post re the perception of "home" etc on your previous thread was spot on.

There is no doubt though that voicing your thoughts and frustrations on here makes you feel better.

Thinking of you both

Worrals xx

#6
Thanks bossyboots and worrals.
I think my wife has got the message but just doesn't want to believe it!
So now when she raises the wanting to go home, I have to be hard and not make much of it - just tell her quietly that it isn't possible.
Trouble is, she is very alert mentally but, being partially sighted does not have any real stimulus to keep her interested.
We played the radio this afternoon and it was great to hear her singing along with the tune - guess what -'falling in love with you'!
on a brighter note - they had a sweep on the Grand National - my wife drew our two horses out of the hat - picked the winner for me! Won twenty pounds.
So, good days and poor days.
Goodnight and God Bless
jackmin