I would like some advise if possible please. My husband of 19 years was Diagnosed with Parkinson’s at only 32 years old. We have 3 children and Upto last few years we have remained close to each other.
Two years ago I was diagnosed with bowel cancer and luckily after a year of treatment I have had the all clear. This and with my husbands Parkinson’s deteriorating has put a lot of strain on our relationship.
I found out recently that he has been accessing porn regularly and signed up to a number of dating websites which he has spent £100’s of pounds on.
I asked him to be honest with me about them and at first he lied and said he’d been scammed but then I found the emails in his phone with conversations.
He says he did it because he was lonely and that I didn’t give him the affection he needed anymore. Basically it’s all my fault. I have 3 children to look after on my own, I work, I have two elderly parents who are dependent on me and to be honest I do as much as I can. I am my husbands carer too.
He has said he won’t do it again and is sorry and wants to move forward and he has been better. But I am so heartbroken I just don’t know if I can get over this.
His family have been very cruel towards me too, they blame me for his Parkinson’s just because he got it while we have been together and they blame me for his cheating. They are very unsupportive and all they do is judge and blame.
I feel very lost with all this, I just wondered if anyone had experienced similar and how they got through it please.
Hello Helen,
Thank you for sharing your experience. We’re very glad to hear that you’ve been given the all clear after treatment for bowel cancer. We understand that it must have been very difficult to navigate both your treatment and your husbands Parkinson’s deteriorating. This must have been a hard time for you both and your relationship. We’re really sorry to hear this and understand how hard this must have been for you and your family.
Impulsive and compulsive behaviours are a possible side effect of some Parkinson’s drugs. Hypersexuality - when a person has unusually strong sexual thoughts and urges that they can’t control can be one of these behaviours and it can lead people to use porn websites. You can read more about this on our website which might be helpful: Impulsive and compulsive behaviours in Parkinson's | Parkinson's UK.
We understand that impulsive and compulsive behaviours can have a serious impact on a person with Parkinson’s and those around them. It’s understandable that this has caused you upset, especially when there has not always been honesty about these behaviours from your husband.
The best way to manage these behaviours is by talking to your specialist or Parkinson’s nurse. They can make changes to your husband’s medication, such as adjusting your husband’s routine or doses, which can help him control these symptoms.
It sounds like you have a lot going on right now, including navigating relationships with your husband’s family, looking after your children, being your husbands carer and supporting your parents. You also need support too. We have a range of support for caring for someone with Parkinson’s on our website: Supporting someone with Parkinson's | Parkinson's UK. Please don’t forget we’re here to help you as well.
Take care 
Parkinson’s UK Moderation Team
Does Parkinson’s Nurse know? If not they need to know.
My PD affects me in a similar way which is why my Parkinson’s appointments have to include my Wife, there are certain medications I won’t be given until they are absolutely last option, and a big part of my appointment is related to compulsive behaviour…
Please remember this, it is NOT your fault.
Don’t be shy to tell your Inlaw’s to do one.
I found it interesting that your husband lied about it as that is something (because of PD) that I cannot do so I just assumed that was pretty much the case for everyone.
Get a PD Nurse appointment.
A few days late to this post but I just want to say it’s unfortunately a horrible side affect that we’ve also seen and have to be exceedingly careful with now. Medication has been tweaked and some close monitoring has really helped too. I was heartbroken when I found stuff out but have to understand it’s the medication that made my husband do it. Hope you’ve been able to help.
Try and get some talking therapy for you too, that’s helped me! Talk to GP and look after yourself as well as making sure nurse and consultant are both aware and can help monitor the situation.
Hello,
As others have said, the PD nurse or consultant needs to know. This behaviour is a known side effect and medication may need gradual adjustment over time. Requip is a particularly bad one for it. Its not your husband’s fault. If you have a look back over the Impulsive and Compulsive category here, you will see similar stories and those of prostitution, online shopping, gambling etc. Sorry but your in laws sound ignorant and mean.
I would also reconsider access to credit. It wont be an easy conversation but maybe nurse or consultant will suggest anyway and youll be half way there. If there was a way to restrict the limit, maybe he use something like a munso card and you transfer X amount at a time etc. Maybe you could also look at broadband and intetnet use, perfect excuse if you have kids!
My heart goes out to you, it’s very difficult.
I’d flag this to his PD nurse or consultant as soon as you can, because tweaking his meds can sometimes calm those urges a lot. I’ve seen partners lock down shared finances for a bit, just to keep things from snowballing. If he ever feels isolated or restless, even a neutral space like a video chat platform can give him a harmless way to blow off steam without putting anyone at risk.
Thank you for all the replies for my post.
I thought we had worked through everything. We spoke to his consultant and he has come down a lot on his rapinerole medication and we have started the process for DBS.
But in the meantime I’ve found out that he has carried on chatting to women online about our relationship. It is also sexual sharing photos videos etc…
I know now our relationship as husband & wife is over but how can I leave him when I know how much he struggles. I don’t think he means harm to me with what he is doing and in some levels I understand but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me. How much am I supposed to put up with. I drop everything to care for him at the detriment to my children, my family and friends but tbh I don’t want to do that anymore. But I feel so guilty saying that because I know how much he needs me. Has anyone else been in this situation? Thank you
Hello again,
Im sorry to hear what has been happening. Would you consider some counselling, just to try work out everything you are feeling and in time, that may make any decisions clearer? Has the Ropinirole been eliminated from the medication regime completely or only partially? Would it also be worth speaking to the consultant again to see if any further medication changes can be made? Maybe its going to take longer for the effects of it to go completely or will it ever. It is very complex, because PD is a lack of dopamine, that is being artificially replaced and the behaviours are playing in to the pleasure side of the brain. Its not unlike an addiction in that respect and there is a buzz from it. Its very upsetting.
Thank you for your message.
I felt after what happened last year we had worked through a lot together and was in a really good place.
He has said that coming down 4mg has helped him feel a lot clearer and more himself. He is not advised to come down more as it will affect him too much.
But when I found out he has still been chatting to other women etc I feel heart broken and that he will always do this. He said he doesn’t think it’s bad what he does and that I don’t understand. I do understand to some extent. I realise that he needs an escape and he’s lonely especially in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep. But am I supposed to ignore what he is doing and carry on in this relationship? I will always be there for him but as a wife? Which is what he wants. I don’t think I can do that anymore. It’s just a really sad situation.
Okay so if he cant come down anymore then things are probably not going to change, medication wise. Probably it would affect mobility etc. The fact that hes not sleeping isnt good either, maybe GP could prescribe melatonin or something to help that wont interfere with meds. Do you think he realises its what most people would consider being unfaithful, as opposed to an escape? Does he realise the effects that this medication has had on others, if you read the forum things like chat lines, gambling and prostitution are mentioned? This has had financial implications for many and who is to say if the dosage wasnt reduced, in a year he could have been just like them and you have children too? If he doesnt, i think you need to seriously talk and this was where i was thinking that counselling might be a support for you.
He is in the process of going down the DBS route and he should be having that done in the next 2-3 months. But he’s undecided about that, I think he should have it but he’s not sure. I think if it means he can come off this medication then that alone would be worth it.
He has been prescribed anti depressants to help him sleep but he’s won’t take them. I have tried so many things to help him sleep but it’s like he’s in self destruct mode. He blames me for going to bed, but I have to get up early to get the kids ready for school and go to work where as he will just sleep in the day.
He says he thinks it is cheating and understands why it hurts me. He says he has stopped but tbh I think he does want to but I know he will keep doing it. Or start again.
Yes we could have counselling, he has had therapy which I thought had helped.
I just don’t know where to go from here. I’ve said I’ll be there for him always and I’m not in any rush to live separate lives.
Hi, @WrightHelen. I hope you don’t mind me interjecting here. I’m so sorry to hear what you have been going through with your husband this past 7 or 8 months. My heart really goes out to you.
It’s understandable that you’re feeling hurt, exhausted, and unsure where to go from here. The fact that your husband recognises the impact his actions have had doesn’t make the hurt any less real, and it sounds like you’re trying incredibly hard to balance compassion for what he may be going through with your own needs and wellbeing.
It’s positive that you’re in discussions with the specialist team about DBS and medication, but it’s also important to remember that you deserve support too. We have some information about relationship support here that you may find helpful. It includes a section on counselling and psychotherapy, and there’s a list of useful contacts.
If you’d like to talk things through with someone, our helpline advisers are here for both people with Parkinson’s and their loved ones. You can call them free and confidentially on 0808 800 0303 (9am and 6pm Monday to Friday, and 10am and 1pm on Saturdays).
Be gentle with yourself. There aren’t any easy answers here, but I’m glad you’ve reached out and shared what’s going on. We’re here for you 
Parkinson’s UK Moderation Team