Partner in denial


#1
Anybody any tips on how to deal with a spouse who seems to be unable to come to terms with the fact that their partner has the condition? Mine takes the pull yourself together line and seems unwilling to acknowledge that there is anything to get worried about.it may be some sort of defence mechanism but it is hard to live with that attitude. Any helpful suggestions,apart from getting a new spouse of course!
Crofty

#2
partners take it differently - some go the other way and get obsessed by pd and are in a constant panic. perhaps its always unlikely that a person's partner responds in just the right way for the pwp.
its also been a very big shock for your partner and it might take quite a long time for them to come to acceptance of the change in how they saw their own life developing - it might just be a matter of time, but at least with pd there is time as it usually progresses very slowly.

or you could swap for a while with someone who has the other type?

#3
Hi Crofty my husband sounds the same as your partner sometimes all i need is a bit of TLC but my husband trys to push me beyond my limits sometimes I am 66 still working go dancing walk a lot do general house work but sometimes i feel that is still not good enough for him Sorry about all the moaning
Chris46

#4
It takes them time to get used to it and you can not force them to think and act as you picture they should. If there are any courses/talks you can both go to that might help or meet someone else and their spouse for a chat. Will he/she read a book? We have a very good one over here in New Zealand called Positively Parkinson's by Ann Andrews. These are just a couple of ideas. Meanwhile talk to people who do understand or want to hear. This will help you feel supported.

#5
I to have a Husband that thinks if he ignore it it will go away. I have had PD for about 10 years but only diagnosed 3 years. I still work and it is getting harder for me to get around. He will not go to the PD meetings with me as I think it upsets him to much to see what could be the future. I am a positive person and have always been active. recently I upped my meds and they made me really bad, now gone down again. feeling better but slow. their are things I would like to do before I am to dependant, but He says when we retire. well i,v now got to work another 7 years 67 not 60 so I have decided to do them on my own or with friends. I,m not ready to let it get the better of me.

#6
Good morning Crofty and all, My husband is the same regarding PD. I would not have him any different,I must drive him to the brink. Living with PD day in day out he does not let me get away with any thing if he knows I can do it myself. For an example he never goes with me on hospital appointments.The reason being is he believes they would be asking him questions when I am quite capable at the moment to answer myself I've been DX 8yrs but symptoms started maybe 2 or 3 yrs before that. You seem to be very active so maybe like mine his attitude is doing you good. I count myself lucky to have him by my side. There isn't any information out there that can explain how we feel when our whole body feels like it is shaking from the inside. Don't be to hard on him.I tell mine I love him, every day whether he likes it or not.(I've also got padlocks on the doors so he can't escape) Regards Angel4ux

#7
Hi

I seem to be very lucky with my husband.

He used to be quite a selfish, impatient man who loved me but took me for granted. I did everything at home on top of a full time job, 4 children, Studying for a degree etc

Then I was diagnosed with PD. It was like his eyes were opened. He changed overnight into a loving, caring man. He often cooks, does the washing, food shopping etc (still draws the line at cleaning the bathroom but you can't have everything).

He notices when I a doing too much and takes over and we have been on two lovely holidays (previously unheard of) to the canary Islands,bliss.

He even copes with the odd side effects of the Dopamine Agonists, poor chap doesn't get much peace at night !!!!!! and he even let me completely re-do the lounge, including changing all the furniture, ready for the photographer who will be here in June for our daughters wedding.

I love him so much and we are so much closer now, PD is not all bad !!

Caroline x

#8
hi crofty,

like caroline my hubby is brilliant he keeps an eye on how i am and he knows what meds i am on and will often say if he thinks they need tweaked he wont let me over do it i was dx ten years ago and he has always been there when i need him, just give your partner time and i am sure he will come to understand eventually,sue.