Partnerships


#1
Hi it,s me Hopefull just after midnight still awake posted on insomnia few days ago this is really problem for me,as is living with my alcoholic partner. Been together 3yrs i was diagnosed approx 1yr ago,i have always supported him and done the very best i could to get him the help he needs but as i am sure many of you know until he is prepared to help himself nobody else can.Dont get me wrong he supports me financially he works very hard in fact i have been told he is called a functioning alcoholic. We have broken up few times during 3yr period but he stops drinking cries a lot and says he cant live without me and i take him back.the vodka is continuously poured from the bottle in the cupboard all night long and he talks rubbish.I also look for hidden bottles which i always find. I know what i should do for my own health because i feel i am supporting him instead of the other way around. i have been told by G.P. and my Parkinsons nurse i should break up for my own health is now suffering he also wont accept i have parkinsons says its a trapped nerve in my back I am so fed up of convincing him about results from DATscan its very upsetting.We have had row again earlier well not a row i don't but he stormed off into other bedroom like he usually does i feel so fed up.

#2
Hi.

As your own condition progresses, you're going to need your partner's support more and more, and I can't see any way you're going to get it with this guy.

The worst thing for exacerbating PD and speeding up the patient's deterioration is stress. It is important to minimise stress in the lives of PD sufferers (and that's not as easy as it sounds), and it doesn't use up much dopamine to see that the two of you are on course for a head-on crash.

But first things first:

Do you love him? REALLY love him? If not, IMHO you should get out now, and stay out. Seek someone more caring and less self-centred. Even remaining on your own would be better than putting up with a guy like that, whom you don't even love.

Does HE love YOU? Whatever he says whenever you leave, or swears whilst blubbing over the second bottle of vodka of the day, he doesn't. No man really in love with his partner would subject them to such a life, even to the point of denying that the partner's serious medical condition exists.

Love is wonderful. Keeping a partner like yourself for simple convenience (it sounds like he's just too lazy to look for a partner whom he might love properly) is a sorry waste of two lives.

This man should be history!

Ray.

#3
Hi Hopefull sorry your having such o bad time
I was dx last year and have gone through times of fairly heavy drinking
Try to talk your o/h into seeing his g p about some counselling It might him get to why he is drinking
If he really cares about you he will do it
As Ros was saying stress is not good for any of us
You need to put yourself first now
All the best Adrian

#4
Hi hopeful

It is not easy for you to see you o/h in this way. The anxiety and stress you must be going through.
I can relate to the situation you are in at the moment.
Briefly o/h was a whisky drinker that been his fav tipple however he would drink whatever he could get his hands on. Due to all this alcohol he had a mild stroke and was told from the Doctors to stop his drinking and seek help. Did he think he had a problem NO. So I was locking up drinks cabinets to help him only to find he was hiding bottles all over the house, behind books and so forth.
I walked out of my marriage of 28 years. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life. And I believe the sadness, trauma and stress of this life brought on my Parkinson's.

You need to think long and hard about your health. And the relationship you are in. Only you can decide what is best. Take care love PB x

#5
Thank you all for taking the time to read me and your kind words. Once again he got up this morning as if nothing happened last night probably forgot as i said though we did not argue he just stormed into the other room.I don't think he understands how the horrible atmosphere upsets me so.He has been in rehab few times before meeting me stopped drinking for while but went back again Tells me he will look after me always but cannot give up vodka.I have worn myself out trying to explain to him that during the day he is the most kindest generous person i have ever known, but by the evening he turns into somebody else.I know that it is an illness but so is mine and i do think i have got any more strength to support him any longer.I think i am in a no win situation i love him so if i end it i will be upset i suffer with depression already although you would never know medication works.But you are right only me can make that decision sorry if i have been a nuisance and sound weak person.

#6
You dont sound weak to me, maybe you want validation that everything will work out and be ok.. thats not weak, that is human nature.


Love is not always sunshine and roses, you have to take the hard times along with the good.
However, it sounds that your chap needs to stop being so selfish and burying his head in the sand about your diagnosis and buck his ideas up. I think this is a separate problem to his drinking. Maybe he's drinking more to try and ignore it.

I could say "sit him down and calmly tell him how it is" but I somehow doubt this will work. Will he go to the hospital with you and meet with your consultant? Sometimes it is easier to hear things from an outsider. Even tell a fib and explain you are unable to get there by yourself as your back is hurting too much (If thats what he thinks your problem is maybe it would fool him enough!)


I think the stress of ending a relationship isnt want you want. Sadly, your diagnosis will not make him stop drinking - it may make it worse, and will cause stress as you both adjust to the changes that you will have to face. You need to be sure that being with him is better for you than being without - and be selfish about whether this is the case.

Whatever happens, I hope it gets better for you.
Laura x

#7
Thank you Laura the strange thing is he with me at the diagnosis with my sister they both had a cry but in time he has just convinced himself that it is wrong he's insisting coming with me on check up 15th dec but i'm dreading it i would rather go bymyself i guess i am scared of what he might say but i will let him come.xx

#8
sorry to hear your having a bad time at the, pd is hard to deal with for a carer as well as the person diagnosed i feel you should be with someone who is going to be your support a rock and share the good and bad times.