Hi I have had PD for six years and this week my husband has had an operation; he should have been home in 3/4 days but due to complications it is now day 6 and I am exhausted with driving 40 miles each day, looking after the dogs etc etc. I feel very ashamed that I am so tired and snappy - I just wondered if anyone else with PD feels inadequate when becoming the carer.
Hi Farmers Wife,
That sounds tiring for you. It's important to take care of yourself too. I'm sure members of the forum will jump in and comment as well, but I just wanted to point you towards the information we have on our website about support for carers.
You can also contact our helpline for support 0808 800 0303
Best wishes to you and your husband,
I am so sorry you are having to cope with all this on top of the Parkinsons!
I haven't got the condition but have had to do a lot of hospital visits to my husband when he has been ill.
I always said yes to friends who offered to visit or suggested it to those who asked if they could do anything.
The odd break made a big difference.
Have you any friends or family who could help.out?
hope things improve,
Sorry about lack of capitals....have decided not to do corrections so I don't have to keep rewriting lost posts!
And other forums give a capital letter after a full stop automatically!
I hope your husband is now home and recovering from his operation. Hope you have received/accepted help if it has been offered to you...
Take care of yourself
I - without PD - cared for my mother who had Parkinson's. I was frequently tired and snappy and felt a poor carer. Lots of driving to visit her, and people asked about how she was never about how I was coping. Which made me feel bad for thinking that they should! But being a carer is hard work! so you are not alone with those feelings. I often felt very inadequate as the carer and I do not have PD. It is hard not to try to do too much as the job is just there to be done, but look after yourself too.Hope things settle down once your OH is out of hospital, and the driving to visit job is removed!
I am feeling very tired from visiting 5/6 times a week, running around getting mums bits and pieces she wants and doing the continuous stream of, often, offensive smelling washing.
I have a sister and brother, but they do not visit as often and never think to take the washing.
I'm working part time too, guess I'm just feeling a little annoyed with my siblings!
I could have been the author of what you have written above! (I wonder if what I write now is what you could also say)....I would arrive to see my Mum with her telling me about her bowels/bladder/or that she had a job for me to do...not "hello nice to see you!" Most days I could just let it go but sometimes it was hard having done a full day at work then coped with a long drive to visit her!
My siblings for differing reasons left it all to me, I did what had to be done, when it was needed, I gave up the odd glass of wine as I never knew if I would need to drive and I gave up a lot of my hobbies and activities as I was just too tired. Started making errors, gained weight and forgot to go to the dentist (found that out when the dentist ticked me off as I hadn't been for over 3 years....
I slowly became less of a daughter and more of a carer, advocate and took over the finances and social arrangements for Mum to help her maintain contact by phone and with visits from her friends and family.
Her moving to a nursing home, as I have said on other threads I have written on the forum, was - with hindsight - something I should have done earlier...but it is a tough decision - and brings it's own difficulties.....
BUT it meant I could sleep better knowing if anything happened someone was there for her, and for a lot of 'incidents' I didn't have to do anything at all...eg a minor fall they dealt with and I could phone her, and visit later as planned. The chores went!!! (washing/cleaning/food etc)
I know how hard it is. I didn't look after myself - Mum's needs always came first - and when I was exhausted I knew I wasn't being a good carer! (or safe in the car - driving to see her)
On a positive note - being the only sibling doing what needs to be done, meant that I made the decisions when things needed to be decided!
Look after yourself and say "Yes" to anyone who offers help!