I am 70 with Parkinson’s which i have had for 20 years
I have been dating a man for several months . Lately he has struggled with the emotions i face being a woman with PD and he has been getting cross with me. Now he has decided not to see me for an unspecified period of time.
I feel utterly devastated especially as i put such a lot of effort in to be " normal " my confidence has taken a dive and my PD is worse because of the stress he has put me under , at the same time i do understand how he feels.
Its difficult
.
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Sorry to hear that Starlet. New Relationships are always difficult, especially at our age,
I am 71. I like to be alone it makes life easier for me to manage. At least you have not wasted more of your life on him. A lot more fish in the sea.
Best wishes
Steve2
This is true .
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Looking at your photo…its his loss.
Stay strong.
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Wow. Thank you. Im starting to feel better already
I think you dodged a Bullitt
Best of luck with the next one.
Steve2.
Some People are very unkind i find
Wow, at 70 you look fabulous
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I think it is a photo of her daughter.
Best wishes
Steve2
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Hello Starlet,
We’re so sorry to hear this. Definitely not how you or anyone should be treated. We are always here to offer support if you need us!
All the best,
Parkinson’s UK Moderation Team
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Hello Starlet
It’s been a long time since we have ‘spoken’ and I was sorry to read you are having such a hard time at the moment.
It was interesting that you wrote you had put a lot of effort into being ‘normal.’ I think many of us do that in one way or another. I, for example, don’t want my Parkinson’s to take centre stage in my life, to mostly be at the centre of every conversation I have; to do that does mean that I too probably work hard to appear ‘normal.’ However I also know that however hard I try there will be elements that leak out, that other people will see and which will tell them my ‘normal’ is a bit different to most people’s. It is the case that some relationships survive a Parkinson’s diagnosis but many do not and I suspect that your efforts to be ‘normal’ did not stop your friend struggling with the emotional impact on both of your lives. His getting cross with you probably reflects his own struggle to make sense of his emotions rather more than being actually angry with you.
Do try not to let it take your confidence. Maybe it is the end of the relationship, maybe not it’s difficult to say since he has decided not to see you for ‘an unspecified length of time. It is not hard to understand that it leaves you in a sort of no man’s land. To me it says he either needed a bit of space to sort out his feelings or, to be blunt, he couldn’t cope with what a life with someone with Parkinson’s means and this was his way of getting out of a situation he couldn’t cope with. Either way, he has made his decision and I think you have to respect that. I know that is probably not what you want to hear but you have lived with Parkinson’s for 20 years. You wouldn’t have done as well as you clearly have for that length of time if you didn’t have a strong survival instinct. This latest awful time won’t last for ever so go with your emotions and weep or get angry or whatever you need to do to get those feelings out in the open, allow yourself to wallow in self pity if you need, but then listen to that voice you have deep inside and which has always helped you through everything Parkinson’s has thrown at you - the voice that says you will be alright, you will survive, that you have a life that’s worth fighting for, the voice that will tell you if you care to listen, is that all you can do with regard to this relationship is be prepared to keep the lines of communication open if he so chooses to re-establish some kind of contact and that you will have an ideal opportunity for some honest discussion which may make the friendship even stronger, If that’s not the case just remember what the relationship gave you, how it enriched your life while you were together and use that to begin to look forward to a new chapter and in time, let yourself be happy again. Why bother? I can hear you say when you feel as wretched as you do right now, To borrow the words that have become a common phrase - ‘because you’re worth it’ that’s why. We all are and if you are living with Parkinson’s when few days are easy for one reason or another, you should never doubt the inner strength you have that keeps you going - even when like now it temporarily feels like it has deserted you. You will be alright. You just have to believe it and give it time.
Tot
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I am reading this having just had to decide to end my short ( I’ve known him for 7 years, married 2 and a half) second marriage due to my husbands anger spilling into him assaulting my son. I cannot tolerate violence against my boy so it has to end. I am heartbroken. The anger and frustration he feels is in part down to the pressure he feels as a carer. I have had pd since I was diagnosed at 38, 17 years ago. My first marriage (we’d been together since 1990)
Your reply is beautiful an£ is exactly what I needed to hear. I wish the OP all the best luck as she navigates this awful time. Nobody should be living in fear of a loved one’s anger.
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This is heartbreaking, but you are right in leaving. Wishing you peace xxx
He is 71 and plays the "im heading for a breakdown " card too often.
I couldn’t cope with his treatment of me and would send him lengthy texts ('shorter than this ) trying to explain howxi felt, but felt insulted when he said he just deleted them unread.
So i gave up.
Cant understand why a grown should treat people like he did me