Relationships


#1
Hi

I would appreciate your comments
I am 55, attractive ( I am told) I was diagnosed earlier this year, and I am managing to control my symptoms in public.
I live on my own, my children have left home and I am divorced. I still want a life with a partner and I have been on some dates since being diagnosed. This week I went out on a date with a lovely man who I have known for quite a long time as we used to work together, but when I told him abou the parkinsons i saw his face drop slightly, he said he would heelp me and would do some research etc but this evening i got an E-Mail from him saying that he did not want to spend his life with someone with such a disabilty. Ouch!
To a point there may be a tiny bit of truth in that BUT I am totally shocked at the shallowness shown by this - i thought - really lovely man.
What do I do in the future, not tell them? This sort of thing has happened to me before when I had my cancer, it is knocking my self confidence. Thank you for reading this.

#2
ouch
what shocks me is not the rejection bit - painful though that is but the fact that it was in an email. That seems to me like an insensitive way of dealing with his feelings. I am really sorry to hear that this has happened to you.

I think you have to tell people about PD at some stage since it is part of who you are.

Reading your post again - you say 'research'. What kind of research was he doing? Does he think he can make a sensible judgement by googling 'parkinsons'?

big hug

EF

#3
Dear Starlet
Im really sorry that a man who had been a friend and potentially may have become more rejected you (and so hurtfully by email) stating PD as the reason for not becoming more involved.
Please dont allow this experience to stop you from looking for a new relationship. There ARE people out there who will love you for who you are, warts and all. If you meet the right person and both fall in love then it will be something that you will both just have to deal with...part of the package. If love is strong enough then PD will not push it away.
How do i know this? Because i fell in love with a man with PD and it has not put me off in the slightest. He has PD. I wish he hadnt for his sake but it cant be changed...what is doesnt and never will change is my love for him.
Keep going on those dates!
Take care
Carrot :)

#4
Don't be too hard on him Starlet. I think we would all be a bit shocked by news like that, maybe he just needs time to process it, even if it doesn't work out, there are plenty of lovely men out there, just waiting for the opportunity to love and care for someone special (even with PD)

Good luck.

Caroline

#5
Hi Starlet,

I am shocked at the way that man told you his feelings! how insensitive! (by email!);he cannot be the "lovely" man you think he is and you certainly do not need someone like this in your life!

The problem with neurological diseases is that people are really frightened of them the same way that people were frightened of cancer 30, 40 years ago: they know they are serious diseases with no clear cures yet (scientists please hurry up!) and people do not really know what to expect: you need a special type of people ,I think, to disregard the disease and see the person instead.

I always wished that PD and its problems would be more open to the vast ordinary public.

Chin up: you will find that special person!

Amicably.

Natasha






I think you need to continue telling any future partner about PD.
Good luck!
You will find that special person!
All the best and try to keep your optimism going.

#6
dear sarlet, i like you am 54 and find it hard finding apartner (a lady) i always
tell them up front i have parkinsons and if then say yes but no thanks well thats
there problem,good luck..........happy

#7
Hello Starlet

How hurtful to email you it wasn't very sensitive at all.
I met my partner 10 years ago and I knew he had PD
He was the one that kept rejecting me he said it was
for my sake and he wanted me to look for someone else
but I kept on coming back for more :grin:I'm persistent.
We got married this year and yes life can be difficult at time's
but my life without him would be much poorer.
Please don't let this man shatter your confidence.
Take care
Heather x

#8
Dear Starlet,

I feel your pain. Sometimes when you are not looking for someone, that special someone comes into your life, someone who will love you for who your are warts and all.

I agree with the others about telling someone the truth about your PD. Many men would run scared about what the future may hold for you, they just cannot handle illness at all.

I have used the word someone a lot of times here, but someone special I have no doubt will come into your life.

All the very best to you and yours for Christmas and I hope 2012 will be very kind to you.

Radz x

#9
Hi starlet
I really can understand how you are feeling. I am 54 live on my own.
This man is not the lovely man you thought he was. Sending an e-mail to you , how heartless can he be. I think he should of explained to you his concerns regarding your PD. So sad he bolted at the first hurdle, without giving you a chance. His loss.
It is a difficult situation even for couples who have a long marriage and coming to terms with their loved one been diagnosed with PD , it does change lives. Putting a strain on both.
I believe it is best to be honest to those you meet about your PD. I truly do hope you meet someone who cares about you..

All the best love PB X

#10
'Posh bird'?!?

How did you come by that moniker? :grin:

#11
Oh, btw, Starlet, he doesn't sound very pleasant, but I'm not sure revealing Parkinson's is one for a first date. What do others think? Of course, you knew him already, so it's not a first date in a way. This is a tricky one, you're being admirably honest in some ways, but it does set things up a bit, like talking about having kids on a first date, that sort of thing.