Scared of being on my own


#1
Sorry everybody its me again but i do find this helps me to write as previously said i know what i must do but am scared of being on my own,w hich is really stupid because i lived on my own for years when 1st divorced 1990 took me along time to adjust very long but i got here in the end. I WOULD MUCH RATHER BE ON MY OWN THAN IN A RRELATIONSHIP THAT MAKES ME UNHAPPY SO why AM I SO SCARED TO DO WHAT I KNOW I WILL EVENTUALLY.If any of you have read me be for you we now i live with a functioning alcoholic who is lovely one minute and not the same man the next.I cannot cope with his stupid moods as well as alcohol making it worse thank you all for your replies but what i didn't tell you our other problem is in the bedroom i have read can affect men but i.m sure it can affect us women to any answers much appreciated.Years of myself taking anti depressants which decreases sex drive parkinsons and his alcohol addiction i really do not feel this way And i don't sleep at all but if he feels i don't go to bed with him EVERY NIGHT he sulks.He helps me financially and some of the time lovely man but at what cost for me.x

#2
Dear Hopefull
8 years ago I began a relationship with a man who loved to drink at home and in the pub daily. Despite his moods I married him. Things deteriorated and he was regularly verbally abusive and on odd occasions physically. I really do feel for you. It is so hard, especially when in between their put-downs and derogatory treatment of you they then plead undying love for you and say how they cant live without you.
The abuse that went on behind closed doors was mostly hidden from the outside world, only myself and my children and one close friend witnessed it first hand.
All I can say to you is that although it is very very hard to end a relationship, especially if there is still some love between you, remaining as you are will be worse long term. I spent a lot of the time feeling his behaviour was my fault and if only I could be a better wife then he would be less moody. If Id continued down that route I would have been just a doormat. I also have taken anti-depressants for many years and had to double them around the time we separated....i am gradually weaning off of them again. It wasnt an easy time but you do get through it.
I found the following book really helped me to focus my mind on what I had to do. You may find it helpful.
'The Verbally Abusive Man - Can He Change? A Woman's Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go' by Patricia Evans. I got it on Amazon.
My thoughts are with you.
I have a lot of empathy for you.
It is 18 months since i ended my marriage. He took 6 months and having a court date fixed for a Non Molestation and Occupation Order to get him to finally leave the house. It's been a year since he left and I have never doubted that I did the right thing for a moment. I offered to stay if he would get help to stop drinking but he refused. It isnt your responsibility to change him but it is your responsibility to look after your own health. I dont know if you have children but mine are so much happier since I got out of such a destructive relationship.
Take care
Carrot

#3
Thank you Carrot yes i do have a son he is 29 now and i am new grandmother 1st grandchild i see him very much at all but i do understand he has his own new little family.Thanks for taking the trouble to answer much appreciated as i said i have lived on my own for long time after divorce took ages to adjust but i did. I think at the back of mind i am scared to go through that again especially now with parkinsons but when 1st diagnosed i told him i did not want anybody to be a carer in the future and i would understand if he wanted out but he was very tearful and promised to stay with me always.But i know you are right he will not change as i said before he manages to hold down a very good job in the daytime but once 5.00pm gets here he starts on the vodka. Also bedroom needs are so different mine being non existed he sulks am at hospital next week see what happens then when he comes with me he doesn't believe i have got Parkinsons thinks it is back problem trapped nerve.x