My wife was diagnosed with Parkinson’s almost 7 years ago and developed Lewy body dementia about three years ago. She was admitted to a care home just before last Christmas. She is aged 61.
Our eldest son is getting married on Saturday and this evening I attended the wedding rehearsal.
I’ve tried as much as I can to prepare for the big day, and for me it is all about trying to make sure that my wife enjoys it as much as possible. What I can’t control is how she is going to be on the day, as her conditions vary significantly. I don’t even know at this stage how much of the day she will be able to take part in before she gets tired and wants to go back to the care home. I’ve explained all of this to my son and his fiancé. I think they understand but obviously they are caught up in all the wedding preparations.
My wife’s mobility isn’t great, so we plan to take her in a wheelchair and I have hired one of those wheelchair accessible vehicles to make it easier for her. We have an outfit and jewellery and the Carers at the care home know to get her ready in good time.
We have figured out where my wife will sit in the church, and the seating plan at the reception is such that she should be able to access the table easily, but also make a discrete exit if needs be. My wife struggles with cutlery so we have avoided sitting on a big top table so that my wife doesn’t feel too self-conscious.
I’m just wondering if any of my friends on the forum have got any last-minute tips that might help my wife (and therefore me) enjoy the day a bit more?
Hello Seansdad
I will start with congratulations to your news, how lovely. So much preparation behind the scenes to make sure the day goes well, but think sometimes we can overthink preparing for all eventualities that may not arise. When our eldest daughter married i too was very aware of the ‘what if’. I gave myself plenty of time to get ready too! My advice, is there a room away from the main area where if needed you can take time out? The room my daughter used to get ready was available all day, a sofa,bathroom and used by her and the bridesmaids to get ready. Perhaps some time for you,your wife with your son and new daughter in law to have photos taken first,in the event you do have to leave early so you have some keepsakes from the day. If there is time, is there something your wife could do with the carers, making a card? I hope you and your family enjoy the day,if there is video (if guests send you their clips you could make into a short clip and even add in earlier photos) of any parts of the celebration your wife may miss you could always mark another date to celebrate this with your son and daughter in law. Apologies any typing errors, again congratulations to you, Ana
What a heartfelt and thoughtful message. It’s clear how much care and love you’re putting into making the day special for your wife and your family.
It sounds like you’ve planned everything so carefully to make sure she’s as comfortable as possible, and that will make such a difference. The most important thing is that she feels included, calm, and cared for, and it’s wonderful that you’ve created space for her to take part in the way that works best for her on the day.
A few small things that might help:
Bring familiar comforts — perhaps a small blanket, cushion, or item from home that helps her feel settled if she gets tired or overwhelmed.
Have quiet breaks planned — if there’s a quiet space nearby where she can rest for a few minutes, it might make it easier for her to stay a little longer.
Keep things simple and flexible — you’ve already done this brilliantly with the seating and transport. Sometimes letting go of expectations helps both of you enjoy the moments that do go well.
Take photos early in the day — so you can capture some special moments before she gets tired.
And remember to take care of yourself too. It’s a big emotional day for you as well.
If you ever want to talk things through or need support with caring for your wife, you can always reach us on 0808 800 0303 or email [email protected]. We’re here for you.
