Stressed and confused


#1

I am seriously stressed and having panic attacks. Interspaced with crying.. I have young onset Parkinson’s. I have had it for around 20 years My consultant is arranging for me to see a psychologist but that takes time

My partner and I thought best friend of over 6 years is an entertainer. Recently out of the blue came a job offer for a season in Cyprus. He left almost two weeks ago. I couldn’t go with him firstly because I had a consultants appointment and also I could not arrange my medication and so on so quickly.Basically I had too much to do to sort out before I could go and live abroad for 3 to 5 months To me it was a decision I couldn't make so quickly although after so many years in the business he is used to it.

Also, he could not afford my air fare and there is the main problem.

Last month I found a lot of his bank statements stuffed behind a wardrobe. I was suspicious because he had just been paid cash as it was Good Friday and he could not have banked it,yet he asked me to lend him £5.When I found the statements i looked at them and he is using an online gaming app and has spent thousands of pounds, and I do mean thousands on gambling.All the savings have gone plus all his earnings had gone to this gaming company too. Plus there was a credit from a so called ex of his. I asked him about it and he told me that she asked for money because her daughter is on drugs and she is paying him back. I tracked her down and asked her and she said he gave her the money to help her out her daughternis not on drugs, and who was I anyway! He has let this woman believe he was single all these years. Today I found out by accident (computer history) that he had received money from western express transfer which strangely enough was the town where she lives. Now I don’t know anybody except her who lives in the Scottish Highlands except her ! He denies it of course. This woman believes she is in a relationship with him and he let her believe that I do know however that he has not seen her in over six years as she was moaning that whenever she asks to see him there is always an excuse.even so, it's still cheating in my eyes

He could not afford his fare to get to Cyprus and asked me for £200,I said no, but relented and gave him £100. He moaned about it not being enough! So I guess he borrowed from somebody else.

Over the past couple of months I could not understand why my usually abundant fridge and larder were empty and I was going hungry. One of his responsibilities is food.He also looked ill and haggard.

He is now away and keeps asking me to join him, then two days ago he asked me to send him a document from the computer I don't know what gave me the idea but I checked the history. Carefully

What a shock! He has applied for dozens of payday loans and credit cards and has huge debts now. I know this, it's there in black and white.worse, he has tried to use me as guarantor on some loans, the applications only reaching as far as "thank you, the money will be paid into your guarantors account" He did not proceed. Luckily I knew what to do and got gold of my credit files and have applied for notices of correction to be put on, removed his name from joint bills and contacted everybody who he tried to use me in order to gain money. Of course it takes time for these to take effect.The house is mine by the way, as is the car.

When I first told him about his debts and ask what explication he could offer he became abusive, calling me evil and mad etc etc. So I eventually told him I had seen the history and he shut up,

Now then what to do? everybody says


#2

Sorry, posted  before finished

 

 everyone says leave him, but he has been my constant companion fofor 6 years, we did eerything together, he is my care too. It's nnot just black and white. 


#3

 

I think "everyone's" given your pretty good advice, I think i would seek some legal too that or the Police. I'll let other's offer their  thoughts.


#4

Thank you. I know,you are right . I jut can't believe the deception after all these years. 

I feel numb to be honest.


#5

Hi Owlet,

What a sad, sad story and such a terrible experience for you. No wonder you're stressed and confused. This man had been lying to you and deceiving you for the past 6yrs. If you stay with him he will carry on using you and you will find it impossible to trust him again. Easy for me to say, I know. I realise it's totally different when you're involved with someone and still have feelings for them. 

You say that this man is your carer, but I think he has been using your vulnerability, to get away with all he has done for so long. He shows no respect for you. You deserve better.

That's my view of your situation, anyway. If it was me, I would take the opportunity of sorting out a new life for myself, while he's away. You don't want all this stress when you have Parkinson's to deal with as well. You will end up being ill. Be strong and talk things over with someone you can trust and cares about you. All the very best.   Twinks x


#6

Thank you. You talk sense. And yes I cold never trust him again.

 


#7

Your 'carer' has left to for 3-5months  to work abroad. Therein lies  your answer, IMO.I just hope that you have the support that you need while you reorganise your life to  exclude your 'partner.'

 

 

 

 

 

 


#8

Yes I have told him al the reasons i don't want to see him again. He cant undestand it, thinks i am overreacting

I have sup port in my doctor son whom I see for the weekend every  2 to 3  weeks.

I am very busy wth a business  at home but I appreciate i  need to get out there  and make new friends  when I feel upt o it


#9

Hi Owlet


Wow! I have not been on the forum for a few days, reading your story has amazed me and filled me with an array of emotions. Yes it is very easy for those looking on to give advice but also those looking on can see much clearer because they do not have the emotional side of the relationship making the situation foggy. In my eyes if the trust has gone then there is nothing, you build friendship and love out of trust.


From what i have read you appear to be a smart woman. The timing of this discovery is quite fortunate in one respect, whilst this man is away you can get your life on track without the added emotional input from him. You sound like you know all of this anyway but must be difficult if you are on your own with your thoughts. There are good people out there so maybe put yourself into more social situations, meet others . My own belief is that things happen for a reason so take advantage of this change in direction and go  the opposite way to the cruel entertainer!  By leaving you for a couple of months whilst you have PD shows a lot.


Best wishes


Barnowl1


#10

You are all voicing my thoughts. .  I was amazed when he just left, expecting me to follow after. I told him many times I couldn't make the journey alone, but did he listen? 

He can't afford for me to come out anyway. He cant pay for my flight and I am no going to.

I know I sometimes  get a bit mudded, so I needed to sound other people ot,

 

Thank you.


#11

Hi Owlet,

I think you did the right thing and it was so brave of you. Ending any relationship is painful, but if you'd stayed together you could have been hurt much more than you're hurting now.

Loneliness is a terrible thing and I'm sorry that you're feeling so low just now. Do you have any family (apart from your son), or a close friend you can confide in? Like you said, you are doing all the right things, by getting out and about. I really hope you can find some new friends, who will make your life happier. Is there a Parkinson's group you could join, or does that not appeal? I'm sure that if you stick to all the other activities you've joined, then eventually you'll find people who will befriend you. Perhaps, you need more time to get over your ex and think differently. But hey, what do I know!

Keep talking on the forum and you'll find a lot of support here. You deserve to be happy again and one day you will be......it all takes time.

Al the very best and keep strong.

Twinks.


#12

Yes I know it takes time big grin

My father is in his 80s and lives down south. there is nobody else

I couldn't stay with this man , he has lied to me all these years and even tried to manipulate my consultant appointments making out I was going mad. Luckily it was spotted

Ionliness is a killer. I hate it. And i can be ill and there's nobody there.

still having counselling for what this. man did to me. How he kept up the pretence I dont know. He has done a lot more than I have mentioned here don't forget

 

thank you for rsoonding.

 


#13

Ps my Parkinson's group  is not for me.  Much older than me  ---- and dominoes and talks on bird calls does not appeal to me!


#14

Hi owlet......

                   try not to feel so down Im sure if you look hard enough you can find someone to spend quality time with. Someone with common interests who understands what youre going through. Please keep your chin up its not nice when youre down and feeling really low.

Take care

John


#15

Hi again,

I know this might not help, but my husband's brother did similar terrible things to his wife, so I do understand a little of what you're going through. He was very manipulative and could fool a lot of people with his charm. He had 6  lovely children, who he eventually abandoned when he went to live in New Zealand. He re-married and started the controlling all over again with his new wife. She was blissfully unaware that he had family in England, as he lied and cheated his way through life. He was killed in a car crash 8yrs. ago aged 58. It was only after his death that the two wives found out about each other. They became friends and the 6 children discovered they had a little brother in New Zealand.

People like him, convince themselves that they are always right and even when they do dreadful things, have no remorse. They are Psychopaths. My sister-in-law suffered as you are suffering now.....she was a midwife and a very caring person. It took a long time for her to trust men again and the children are scarred for life, from their father's behaviour. I'm pleased to say that she did find happiness eventually and is now married to a kind, honest man. So please don't give up.......

Whereabouts do you live?

Twinks.


#16

Yes I believe he is a psychopath too.

He moves on to his next victim with so much ease.the horrid thing is the way he sucks people in with his charm.this is the worse sort I think. He too has no remorse.

I know he has another GF. He had nowhere to live otherwise.

I am in NW . I am concerned that he is working with vulnerable people. I have to admit. 

Thank you for taking the trouble to respond.