Hello I am really stuck with how to help my parents and reaching out to see if anyone knows of any help.
My mum was diagnosed with Parkinsons’s 3 years ago. Prior to this my dad has never kept very well mentally. He has been suicidal and is now in that place again. My mum recently went back to work full time but I think this is impacting on her as her symptoms seem to be getting worse, she is more tired and she seems to be cognitively deteriorating.
Alcohol has been a huge part of my parents life. My dad has drank every day of my life from what I remember. My mum has also been a big drinker but did not drink every day until about 15 years ago ( I think). I have no doubt that my dad has an alcohol problem and I think my mum has been borderline but I know she has been able to take it or leave it. However after learning about my mum’s deterioration, I asked my dad openly how much mum is drinking now - he said about 2-3 drinks Mon - Fri and then no more than 4 a day at weekends - I have caught him out a lot with dodging the truth relating to consumption volumes so it’s probably 5-6 at weekends and 4 during the week…maybe not but I have a lot of experience on this matter… My first thought is that if he is concerned, stop the alcohol (but of course he won’t because my mum has been his enabler for years). Since I was a teenager I have battled with trying to get my dad to get help for alcohol - I’ve had to deal with alcohol fuelled arguments since I was a child - I have spoken to professionals about my dad and they have told me there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him. They’ve always leaned on me to help them - like I am their parents -especially when it came to arguments between them. I am just now concerned about the impact alcohol can be having on her deterioration. I am now also pretty sure my mum wouldn’t be able to go a day without alcohol nowadays…
I don’t know if anyone can shed any light on the potential impact of alcohol on symptoms if they stopped or if a family member stopped? I feel I need more factual information.
Perhaps my mum is deteriorating anyways and changing the alcohol consumption won’t change that.
I’m also worried about my mum’s cognitive ability and the fact that both my parents are not being realistic about the future. They live in a 4 bedroom house at the moment with huge gardens but will not move. My mum has had falls but they seem to have improved. However, my dad has OCD extreme anxiety so spends hours trying to keep the house perfect and will not change. He will not go to his gp. Was prescribed medication but felt it made him worse. He is just killing himself slowly in my opinion. He works part time so is in the house a lot until it hits 2pm when he heads to the pub. Anyways, my worry is that if they don’t make a change with their living arrangements now, could it be worse if they left it when my mum is struggling to get around completely… Maybe I am trying to make too many changes too quick but I just want them to try make their lives more comfortable and easy.
If I didn’t have two babies 2 and 1, with our 3rd coming along as well as our own business, I would suggest I care for my mum but I just can’t. I do absolutely everything I can to help them when I can. I do all communications, paperwork. Have difficult conversations with my dad to try sort him out. I am taking a discussion with my mum at the weekend and then will speak to my brother. My dad would like me to do housework for them but quite frankly, I just wouldn’t do it so he can hit the pub at 2pm and im stressed out my head trying to run about and my house is never anywhere near tidy cause I can’t manage it…
I am not sure if this all makes sense but any help would be really appreciated. I am struggling to handle this and due my baby in December so need to try help them make changes now before im struggling in 3rd trimester.