I came here to understand more and see if there is any advise for me and my partner.
My girlfriend is the only carer for her mother who has parkinsons. She was diagnosed approximately 25years . My girlfriend now doesnt work and is her only carer. She also cares for her father who had a stroke 18 months ago. His speech has been affected and is always tired. He used to do some of the caring but not so much now. People have mentioned a carer but Im not sure if that is something we need to pay or do we get help. They need care when they need it, there is no routine. How do we see what help we can get. Both parents are gradually getting worse but say they dont need help - they definitely do. and I can see my girlfriend in on the limit. She wants to help but they push her away and that makes it worse for my gf. She starts thinking she is not doing enough and mentally beats herself up. She is always on high alert , she even struggles to sleep as night in case phone rings. I try and help when i can but I also have 2 elderly parents that also need help at times.
I just dont how to help my girlfriend more or how to get her help. When i say help I mean support. We share our own household stuff depending on who gets in first.
Just feel like there must be more I can do
Hello Mike
What a difficult situation you both find yourselves in and I wish there was some easy answers. It is always very hard when the people directly affected, in this case your girlfriend’s parents, say they don’t need help because you can’t force them to accept help. I suspect but am guessing so it may not be accurate that one of the reasons they are saying they don’t want help or are not recognising they do is because your girlfriend will step in when needed so in their eyes everything is alright. Clearly it is not alright for your girlfriend. I suggest you or she rings the help desk to get some advice and information on resources available as a starting point.
She can apply to the local adult care services at your local council for a carer’s assessment in her own right to see how and what support she can be offered. They may be able to help her speak to her parents about the general situation and from that may encourage them to accept some help.
Does your girlfriend know how concerned you are becoming for her? if not perhaps it’s time for a bit of a heart to heart but gently and slowly so she doesn’t feel attacked when feeling fragile. From that the two of you may be able to start having conversations with the parents so they better understand the impact it is having on your girlfriend. Is she able to get a break and have a bit of time to herself _ maybe someone would come in for an hour or two so she could go out knowing they are OK- that depends on your domestic arrangements of course,
Instinct says you and your girlfriend need to present a united front whatever you decide to do, that she wouldn’t appreciate your trying to intervene on her behalf however well intentioned. However I know nothing of your relationship so you must be the judge of that.
Please try the help desk I Ă m sure they can offer more than I but perhaps what I have written will at least get you off the starting blocks. I wish I could do more.
Tot
