Good morning SusieSnowdrop
We all have to manage as best we can and you have difficulties of your own that I didn`t have. I`m fit and extremely healthy and OH was not very heavy, my children live nearby and were both willing to come in if necessary. I found that all sorts of people were willing to help if I asked. Anything from shopping to `please pop in for a chat, he`s very lonely today`. We have a local volunteer group who would sit for up to two hours, collect a prescription etc all for a donation to cover the cost.
The first point I would make is that you should register as a carer with your GP. Second, if you are ill or injured you can`t help your OH so get your GP to get an occupational therapist and the social services involved so you get professional advice on what suitable help and aids are available. Sleep whenever you can because tiredness makes everything depressing.
At different times we used a wheel chair, two hoists, a raised toilet seat, a bath lift, support rails in the bathroom, a slide sheet (to help us move him around in bed), a hospital bed with raise and lower facility for the head and foot. I saw a physiotherapist who explored what physical help I provided, how I carried it out and then advice on the best way to do it. We had the bathroom door re-hung to be a swing door but then had to dispense with it altogether because it prevented the use of the wheel chair. We have a ramp at the front door.
Eventually we allowed OH`s facial hair to become a stubble beard and I bought a stubble trimmer to maintain it for him after initial visits to the local barber. I got an electric tooth brush so I could clean his teeth for him. A podiatrist suggested a strong file so I could do his toe nails. I found OH enjoyed the gentle handling of his feet so sometimes I gave him the extra pleasure of massaging them with hand cream.
Years ago we had both done Power of Attorney so we knew that OH did not want a care home nor to die in hospital. Of course this was invaluable at the end but before then it enabled us to talk about accepting aids and help so that I could help him stay at home.
You are entitled to a carer`s assessment to see what help, respite you need and how it can be arranged. You can access this via your GP. Living in your situation means you are constantly adapting to your husband`s needs and health so don`t be afraid to go back to the GP etc if their help is no longer appropriate and they can suggest something else.
I hope this isn`t too much at once. Don`t feel guilty at what you can`t do just glad for what you can do. Nobody can do it all.