Today I cried for me


#21

Hi Hubby

THANKYOU
Sometimes i think alot like you
There are days when i feel like i could cry a river
I miss the things i can no longer do , even if thats only to be able to walk normally as before
There have been many dark days for me since this started and still a few ahead
I could win an Oscar for the way i play my part in the art of NORMALCY
and when its on my own that i feel the most down, but that’s ok because no one else sees
I now live with the cards that i have been dealt with GOOD or BAD
There is a piece of me missing , i also dont feel the same , i dont feel i have been replaced
only CHANGED
I am now working on the change, WHAT will i find ?? I REALLY DONT KNOW
We are all entitled to the feelings we have and go through
BUT i try my hardest not to let those ruin or delay things that are ahead of me
While im still here i will attempt to do all the things i want and if i fail so be it and even when i know i will fail, Its not the end its JUST A BUMP in the road
Dont let go and fight to keep what you still have
BE YOU , BE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE , B E C A U S E YOU ARE


#22

Hi Hubby

I am in silence in solidarity with you,
“Nobody can cry for me” but us alone,
for at the end of the day, we paddle our own canoe
no matter how hard it is, life has to move on - and
just as you have the answers to all the questions,
the questions have been changed - so better be ready-


#23

My mum has had Parkinsons for 15 years and I know this is how she feels too. Made me sad but I think you have summed up totally how it feels to have Parkinsons and that poem helps the wider world to understand a little of what it’s like. Thank you.


#24

Wow!
Great poem.
LOve it !


#25

Wow you got it in a nutshell


#26

You really got to the bottom of my heart,my husband has Parkinsons and I know exactly how you feel. Sending all my love xxx


#27

Thank you.
Big hugs.
Hubby.


#28

I will try and cry NO more
Parkinson’s has taken enough
I will save my tears for those who need them , where Parkinson’s wants them
It has taken enough of me . I am going to keep the rest


#29

beautiful and so true


#30

I read a short story once , it wasnt signed
Cant remember where i read it but it goes like this

A child was in hospital after having both his or her hands removed due to an accident

A Doctor asked how she feels ?
She replied its not how i feel
" Its what i can still hold "

Why is it the wisest words

When i was young people used to say
Children should be seen and not hurt

If children were listened to more often and heard
Maybe the world would be in the state it is now

Keith


#31

So that’s it?

So that’s it?
That’s my life
I’ve lost my job
What next my wife?

I used to be
So strong, so proud
Now every day
I cry out loud

There’s not much left
Of the old me
I’m sinking fast
It’s plain to see

I have no strength
No guts, no fight
I see just darkness
No more light

As I lie here
Wide awake
Waiting for
The day to break

I think about
The days gone by
I sometimes have
A little cry

Not too loud
So not to wake
My family
They need the break

A break from me
The family head
Now sobbing quiely
In my bed

So where has gone
That lionheart?
That mind so sharp?
That mouth so smart?

Will he return?
I doubt he will
And as I pop
Another pill

That sends me to
Uneasy sleep
The final tear
I dare to weep

Is for tomorrow
It’s on the way
Another testing
Trying day

So I’ll be brave
Or at least pretend
I’ll fight this illness
Till the end

The truth is
I am not so sure
That I can do this
Anymore

Maybe I’ll just
Stay in bed
Rest my body
Clear my head

I can’t do that
So I’ll rise
I’ll nod and listen
To the wise

Who always have
So much to say
Before they send me
On my way

Be a good boy
Take your pills
They are sure to
Cure your ills

So ill stumble
Maybe fall
Hit my head
Against a wall

Morning mirror
You’re no friend
I hate the images
You send.

As I stare blankly
Into space
I hardly recognise
My face

But If I look deep
Into my eyes
Past the man
I now despise

There’s still a tiny
Chink of light
Defiantly burning
Oh so bright

I’m not quite ready
Yet to quit
I’m not giving
In to it

So up I’ll get
And on I’ll go
Even when
I feel this low

It’s hard so hard
But understand
That with someone here
To hold my hand

I might just make it
Through the day
So help me please
To find a way

This parkinsons
This evil scourge
Has had me often
On the verge

Of quitting
Taking to my bed
It really messes
With my head

But I won’t take
The easy path
I’ll scream and cry
I’ll smile and laugh

Tomorrow yes
I’ll still be here
Standing tall.
Fighting fear

So that’s it
My day is done
Looks like I’ll see.
Another one.


#32

Oh Hubby I had a cry as I read this. Really just don’t know what else to say.
Babs x


#33

Hi@hubby Another little gem my friend. You must think at times the world is against you and your family H.My arms dont stretch across the seas to offer my hand but my thoughts and wishes do
I only know a very small part of many things you are battling with but I believe you are much stronger than you think you are mate, please keep on fighting.
You have my number and can ring anytime if you want to talk again
I also hope your daughter is ok after recent events
Best Wishes
Mal.


#34

It has been a rough 18 Months Malc.
When it comes down to it though I have two choices. Give up or make the best of things.
I had a bit of a meltdown two days ago.
I sometimes think that my close family forget that I have an illness and expect me to sort out their problems as well as my own.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Hubby


#35

What an extraordinary ability to put into words your so painful experience at both physical and mental levels, and revealing such a deep heart and mind…thank you for sharing in such a very personal way which shines a light into such dark corners that others can begin to have some understanding of what it is like. Hugely generous of you and a lesson to us all in sharing one’s vulnerability without being sentimental, mawkish , cliched etc.
Thank you
Pippa


#36

That is so true… I have been diagnosed with parkinson’s and lost my dad all in the last 3 months… This poem just describes things so well… Thanks for sharing


#37

Thanks for the encouragement. My confidence is at an all time low so I often don’t follow ideas through.
If my musings help just one person I am thrilled.
I am not a writer. It is just my story really.
Hubby


#38

When I started reading your poem my first thought was he has given in but it soon became apparent that you still have strength. all of us lumbered with this dreadful disease know how you feel. Whats the point of going on. I know first hand what this Pd is going to do to me long term. My father in law suffered for many many years. Well I am dammed if I am going to let it rule my life. I live for today, forget the future , it is too painful to contemplate. I cried when I was diagnosed 10 years ago. Well I am not going to cry anymore, I am going to get on, no moaning , just enjoy what I do have, a very caring family, my dog who my wife insisted I get when I finished work. I have met and spoken to many many people since I got him and made new friends. I treasure all the extra time I have had with my wife. My point is enjoy what you have . When you look in that mirror tomorrow morning put 2 fingers up to PD and enjoy your day.


#39

Too bloody right.
H.


#40

6.30 am and you’ve just restored my sanity. Gone hyper since saw specialist last week. Desperate to prove I’m normal not just a worry machine. This thing lives in me my body doesn’t do as I ask . I hate this me that falls thro doors or freezes in public. I’m knackered. Agree not after sympathy just acceptance.
It’s like I’m a balloon filled with tears waiting to explode then
I can get back to living for others too