Understanding my Dad's behavior


#1

I am quite new to PD forum so apologies if this is the wrong place to post.

My Dad was diagnosed with PD about 12 years ago (he is 66 now), up until recently his PD has been manageable. He has been on Ropinerole and Madapar I think if my memory serves me correctly. His behaviour had started to be a bit weird to say the least. My sister was heavily pregnant and spent a lot of time with my parents. She had noticed that he was becoming increasingly secretive - slamming shut his Ipad when someone walked into the room, offering to make a cup of tea and then disappearing for an hour upsatirs etc.

I discovered a random post on Facebook that Dad had posted to a random lady (no friends in common with myself or any family members) saying that if he could give anyone a hug, he would hug her. I discussed this with my sister and it was agreed that I would ask Dad what was going on. He simply said that it was a woman who had a "thing" for him that he had met whilst playing games on the internet and it was nothing to worry about. Being a Daddy's girl I took his word and relayed back to my sister who wasn't quite so convinced.

To cut a very long and convoluted story short, it came to light that my Dad WAS having an affair with this woman and it had been going on for quite some time. When he was telling my Mum and us that he was going to the football, he was booking a hotel in Hull to see this woman. This had been going on for a good 6 months before we discovered hotel bookings, reams of emails (he had tried to hide his deceit but I am very good on a PC). He denied it all of course, depsite the overpowering amount of evidence, my Mum took him back to try again. Again, the lies and deceit grew by the day, he even bought a mobile phone that he kept in the car to contact this woman behind our backs. The lies were unbelievable to be honest.

Eventually after listening to his lies 7 times my Mum finally threw him out and he now lives in Hull with this woman,. I have tried to rekindle our relationship. The first and last time was last Xmas (2016), things seemed to be going really well for a while then he had a row with the woman in Hull and she had threatened to change the locks at the end of the week. I housed my dad, made my spare room comfortable for him, offered him dinners and packed lunches, did his washing - i was so glad to have my Dad back - BUT you guessed it, the deceit started the same day. He was telling me one thing ie he wasn't going back to her, and when my back was turned he was messaging her again. After two days he moved back to Hull and I told him not to contact me again. That was April 2017.

We heard again from him in June when he decided that he was going to move back to our home town and rent a property, but he hadn't split from the woman he was going to have her visit - I couldn't believe what my Mum was relaying to me and my sister. My Dad was too much of a coward to talk to us directly he spoke to my Mum, who incidentally has since told him to leave her out of his dramas. Of course the news crippled me with fear that I would bump into him or see him with her and it caused me to have a bit of a breakdown. I haven't seen or heard hide nor hair of him since this news in June and I can only asssume he stayed up in Hull. My town isn't overly big and we all know a lot of people.

I suppose the reason for the message is that I just don't understand how my Dad has gone from my absolute hero to a completely different person overnight it seems. It is still my Dad that I physically see but the way he behaves and his personality is noone I wish to associate with. All the things my Dad used to instil in me as a child, he is behaving quite the contrary. I just don't understand it.

Was it the meds that made him behave so erratically or is this just my Dad? He was taken off the drugs that potentially could have caused the behaviour, according to his consultant it wasn't the meds at all - so why take him off them? We spoke to a PD nurse who blamed the drugs 100%.

Will I ever get my Dad back or do I just accept that he is gone and rely on my memories?

Sorry to chew your ears but I have so many unanswered questions and I am finding it so hard

 

Thanks for listening and any help will be greatly received


#2

See my reply to Juju.....the drugs are to blame.

Try to contact your Dad's neuro or Parkinson's nurse and beg for help.

Patients in the grip of this drug-induced hypersexuality will lie and deceive and refuse to accept that there is a huge problem.

They are addicted to the ' buzz' of the behaviour and getting away with it.

Drug companies know all this but as long as they are making their millions they will not stop pushing their poisonous wares.

i feel for your family...more ruined lives....

 

 

 

 


#3

Thanks Golden Girl - it has been a nightmare. My Dad was taken off the drugs, despite the PD Consultant categorically saying it was NOT the drugs. None of us talk to him anymore as his lies and deceit are too painful to endure anymore. My mental health has really suffered lately and I can't put myself through it anymore.

 


#4

Really disappointed with the lack of activity on here - was told that it was a good site to talk on - apparently not :(


#5

 

 

Hi PinkFlamingo - sorry your disappointed with the lack of response on this sight, but folk seem to respond to posts if they have enough input of their own experience to Ropinirole to reply to you, please be patient which I know is easier said then done.

As Goldengirl said your fathers behaviour is definately down to the Ropinirole drug, It is one of the Dopamine Agonist that are prescribed under different names. These can have no side effects with some people and be perfectly suited to them, but these drugs do not suit everyone, hence your fathers erratic behaviour. I'm truly sorry your family has been torn apart and hope that all will turn out well over time

Take care - Sheila x


#6

Hi Jodie,

I'm really sorry to hear your story. I have direct experience of dopamine agonists and the effects they can have on some people. For a while I was on quite a high dose and I was utterly unaware of the devastating effects these drugs can have. Behaviour and attitude changes crept up on me and for a while I was quite out of control. When I reduced and then stopped taking the dopamine agonist drug my thinking changed so starkly I was amazed. My experience wasn't quite as extreme as your Dad's but I recognise all the traits in your story. Feeling compelled to do something even though you 'know' you don't want to do is very scary.

If you can get him off dopamine agonists (with the support of your PD Nurse) you may well find you get your old Dad back. Parkinson's is a complex condition. It can be very hard on the PWP and everyone around them.

I hope you can take some comfort from the fact that there are people here who have been through what you are now facing and have survived.

Good Luck

Elegant Fowl


#7

It certainly sounds like it could be a dopamine agonist side effect, particularly if his behaviour changed after the dosage was increased.

I have found these drugs to be highly effective at controlling my PD symptoms but I have had significant reactions to increased dosages. Fortunately the side effects tend to reverse when the dosage is decreased again to a sustainable level. I was warned by my neurologist about potential side effects and continue to keep a close eye out for them.

If I understand your post correctly his medication has now been changed so fingers crossed you will get you old dad back....

JF


#8

Hi all

Myself and my sister no longer speak to him and yes he changed meds but is still on agonists - I don't think he knows the difference between reality and lies anymore. His meds were changed 18 months ago and unfortunately he is still not the man we all remember.

He is still with the woman he cheated on my Mum with, and I think she is the best bet atm as he will be alone without her. Everyone he knows with the exception of one friend locally to me and one of his brothers.

I don't think I will ever get my Dad back - too much damage has been done now. I start grief counselling on Monday to try and get over this complete devastation.

Personally I blame his consultant - I think he was bribed by the medical company to prescribe the drugs that he did - there was no questioning about my Dad's OCD or even if he had any. I think he was totally negligent but the last time I spoke to my Father, he thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. My Dad is easily brain washed now. He is a poor excuse of the man he used to be and I can only blame PD and his meds and his consultant for wreaking utter devastation on my family

 

 


#9

 

 

Sorry to hear that PinkFlamingo, yet another casualty of this damn disease and the drugs prescribed.

However I wish you all the very best in the future and hope that you find happiness in all that you do - Sheila


#10

Hi Pink

I know a few friends who went bonkers on the agonists and with little help from physicians.

They lost their marriage and both ended up in nursing facilities,With my own problems with care here  you have to vigilant with this disease and most importantly your mental health.

I do know the meds can make you hyper impulsive so you have to be able to control  ourselves.I have found the less meds gives me a clearer mind and better control.

We are where are thoughts lead us.We can always learn to change our thoughts Avoid any negative thinking or worry and dwell on empathy ,love and devotion.These are the things which give us peace,

 

 

 


#11

I am having grief therapy now as I doubt that me and my Dad will ever talk again - I feel like I have lost him and I can't keep allowing him to trounce all over my feelings. He is very selfish and until he reaches a different stage of his PD or realises what he has done, I can't foresee it ever changing.

Yes, maybe his thoughts wanted to leave his wife, my Mum, but his children? Really? What sort of a devoted dad suddenly decides that? I can't get my head around it and it stresses me out


#12

Hi Pink, 

This sounds like it has been devastating for you and your family, I'm so sorry to hear all of this. Parkinson's really can have such a wide impact on loved ones. 

How is your therapy going? Keep us updated on your progress and know that we're here to listen when you need to talk. 

Take care, 

Kat


#13

He might do allot better off agonists from personal experience thing that is so important is to stay busy and avoid isolation,the more social contact the better.

Dr.Low always said.men like to be in a group.

If your father is upsetting try looking through his eyes.So many family choose to ignore their loved one,modern times ugh.Another saying ,Men suffer mostly from the age they live in.lol

Christmas is coming ,we love music.

john

 

 


#14

Hi Kat

 

The therapy is going really well, thanks for asking! I feel like have made peace with my demons and am embarking on an email relationship with my Dad.....time will tell how that will work out


#15

Hi John

I have tried to understand my Dad many times, but when I am being told by his consultant and himself that his behaviour is NOT his medication - what is one supposed to think? Not sure my father thought about anyone else's feelings when he embarked on his affair with another woman. Or, when he called me some horrific names and said some unthinkable things to me. I have tried to be understanding and supportive and have had EVERY single time thrown back in my face which is devastating every single time. How often do I put myself in harms way? Or back to square one on MY road to recovery?


#16

The problem here is the consultant - I can see where he’s coming from. It looks to him like normal behaviour, because it is if you live in a TV soap. It is only close relatives who can see the complete change of character caused by the medication. Only until he is completely off dopamine agonists and on dopamine replacement will old dad return. The only way this can happen is the family ganging up on the consultant to change the medication if you can convince him that it it is a complete change of character.

What happens after that is of course an unknown, but at least you will know it’s real.