Unreasonable behaviour

My husband, who as advanced Parkinson, is a lot more irritable and unreasonable. Is this common?

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Hi Alyson
I don’t know the solution, here I hope you can take care of yourself

Best wishes

Hi Alyson,
Sorry I’ve not messaged sooner, I’ve been chasing my tail for a few days! lol
My husband is now16 years in ( he was diagnosed at 41) and I too have noticed that at times he seems more irritable, its almost like he’s on a short fuse- ( I think I used the word arsey before lol)

I personally have put this down to him being frustrated and I usually find that if I leave him to it he comes though and out the other side.

I would say though, as I’m sure you are already aware, Parkinson’s and depression tend to come as a package deal -could your husband be depressed and this is how its manifesting?
Its hard to say if this is common as PD affects everyone differently and I don’t mean just the physical aspects but the mental too.
My husband spent years in denial and I still don’t think he’s ever quite accepted it and this does make him very depressed at times. Equally I’ve met people who almost let it hit them like a train, get up and brush themselves off and go " okay, cant do that, but I can do this" and I think it depends how your husband is feeling at this moment in time.

Part of having Parkinson’s must be that constant frustration and I’m not surprised at times that frustration boils over- but if it is giving you cause for concern I would recommend speaking to your Parkinson’s nurse or your husbands neurologist just to get some advice, support and maybe put your mind at ease a bit?
Good Luck, I do hope you get level again soon
Very Best Wishes,

Hi @Alyson,
Speaking as someone who’s has mr parky and my decline has been fairly rapid in the last 2 years, I can honestly say the answer is Yes, to your question about irratability and unreasonable behaviour.

In no way am I trying to make an excuse for myself, however , the last nine months up to October life was not good and a bear with a sore head does not come close. I won’t go into all the detail but it’s enough to say mr parky affected an existing medical condition which has meant that I am now 85% of my time in a wheelchair and I was medically retired from a job I loved on grounds of medical ineffciency This with what seems to me to be the constant battle to obtain medical support and benefits like, PIP, Blue Badge and ESA for NI credits only.

In total I have had so far endless forms and 6 separate government medical / work capability assessments for my early ill health retirement and the benefits I havd applied for. There is still 1 outstanding for ESA, I have just completdcthe paperwork and posted it yesterday (Sunday). All this along with the depression that can happening with mr parky manifested itself with me going down the rabbitt hole, my mental health declined and I got into a very dark place. It triggered some long buried PTSD from my time in the armed forces (Oct 1979 to March 2003) which was the kick I really required to do something about it. Though in honest reflection, my wife had suggested several times that perhaps I should reach out and ask for some proffesional support and or help. Of course at the time that advice I chose to ignore and it also drove me deeper in to my hole.

Fortunately PUK gave me some fantastic support with the work issues, PIP & Blue Badge which helped me beyond words. However, the biggest change was when in absolute desperation, and to this day I do not know what triggered it I picked up the phone and had a total melt down, when the phone was answered and I was asked why I was calling. The person triggered somethimg and I just dumped all my problems on them.

I had contact the local Wellbeing services and they took me on and provided me with some counselling and support, which started 2 days later, I must have sounded desperate. 10 weeks on and I am part way out of the rabbit hole with their support and the support of my loving family. I know I have a long way to go and we still have some dark days ahead of us, to get me in a better place.

I honestly do not know if this help you in the immeadiate term or at all, however I would say without the tremendous support and understanding from my whole family and especially my wife I really don’t know where I would be now. I can’t imagine how hard and difficult I made it for them, without realising I was. We have along way to go but at least we can now recognise the signs of it happening.

I hope you and husband can weather the storm with or without proffesional support as it is a horrible dark place to be in for all concerned. But their is help out there for both of you if and when the time is right.

Thank you, Beth - very helpful and reassuring