Upset & furious!

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1

Hi everyone,

I've just joined the community, I wanted to share as I think it's time to reach out to others who understand this condition.

I'm 26 and care for my Grandad, who's had Parkinson's for about 5 years. This year I moved in with him to care for him full time, as it's gotten very severe.

Today we went for a walk with the dog and on the way back we went to a shop so we could pick up some wine for a friend's party. I waited with the dog outside while he went in, but he was refused service for 'being drunk'. He tried to show the server his Parkinson's Alert card which states he's unsteady on his feet but the man wouldn't even look at it and said he 'wasn't interested in excuses'!!

My grandad came out and told me this, and of course I went in to confront the man, and to try and alleviate my poor grandad's embarrassment in front of the other shoppers, but i feel so helpless. I've never been so angry that an old man can be treated this way!!!!!

Thanks for listening

2

Hi there

 

sorry to hear about your Grandads bad experience , im 47 and also have Parkinsons i think what your describing has probably happened to a lot of people on this forum myself included  regardless of age  ,when i go shopping and my tremors are really severe i have seen and heard people tutting and staring at me  they automatically assume that we are drunk or high on drugs if i am having a bad day i will tell them not to assume i am drunk when i have a neurological condition, i was recently out  with someone at our local bingo hall the person i was with is aware of my condition  my hand was shaking uncontrollably and they were staring and all of a sudden they said to me that my hand was shaking  to which i replied ' really ? just a minute i will ask it to stop ' the hint of sarcasm seemed to work as they apologised .some days i ignore the stares and tuts but some days i cant

Society is to quick to judge i am afraid but that is due to ignorance and a lack of awareness about PD

 

 

3

I had a saying: the more I know about people, the more I love my dogs. 

One idiot in particular used to pass my garden. The dogs would bark. He said to me can you not get your dogs under control ... Moan whinge ... Nobody else's dogs bark ... Whine complain ... Everytime I pass etc, so on and so forth. 

I said the dogs weren't barking at him, they were trained to bark to let me know when an idiot is approaching.

The human capacity for ignorance is immeasurable. It's easy enough you'd think (which my guidance teacher used to call a dirty 5 letter word, turned out he was right).  Everyone knows

  • Do unto others as they would have done unto you, but do it first
  • something to do with walking a mile in another mans moccasins. 
  • Its a wise man who knows what he doesn't know
  • and I'm sure confusious had something to say along those lines
  • "man who drop watch in toilet, have sh'tty time"

Also they need to change the parkinsons awareness card to include "..so what's your excuse".

I also had the opposite reaction, when mrs angry from Glasgow, got out her 4x4 to enquire why I parked in a disabled space.

oh there are some roasters out there. Instead of a disease  or condition I have a superpower - a built in a-hole detector, it's a bit shaky, but it works. 

There is another few sayings

  • Good old confusious he say "before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves"

Now presumably he was going after 2 people, you maybe only need to dig the one. 

i know it seems harsh, personally I'd have let a tyre down, or egged his shop window. But that's me. Too nice for my own good. 

 

4

good advice Eck, though typically restrained.

 

5

Eck ,I've just woken the missus with my laughing...brilliant advice

6

While working with young adults who had Cerebral Palsy I had occasion to take a mini bus load of clients into Lancaster city center. I drove and a young lady called Marie was in the back to look after the passsengers. She was the height of six penneth of copper and one of the nicest people I have ever had occassion to meet, despite about a 30 year age gap. Age nor disability never entered this young ladies thinking. She may have been petite, but she was a giant in many ways.

We took our young adults shopping, some in wheelchairs and some of the more ambulant ones walking.

We were in a well known chemist shop buying some make up for one young lady. We reached the check out. The till opertaor spoke to Marie rather than the young lady buying the cosmetics. (Cerebral Palsy affects speach in some cases). Marie very politely and quietly asked the assistant to address her remarks to the customer and not her. The operator ignored this despite the young lady being able, with great effort, to make herself understood.

Marie exploded. I stood back in awe. She let the assistant know just how important it was for the young lady to be independant, then added, 'if you don't comply I shall advise my client to shop elsewhere and you can put this lot back'. She was not rude, but she was very emphatic.

The assistant went red and someone in the que shouted out 'well said lass'. I was so proud of her. It embodied everything Beaumont College, where we worked, stood for. 

So don't feel helpless, don't get mad, get even. Have some stock in trade phrases ready i.e. Have you no compassion......Don't you realise........How would you like it if.....etc.

I shake, I ache, I can't bend down or stand for long periods of time, I sweat profusely, I walk like I'm in a rock and roll contest some days. My friends don't care. I just hope someone like you or Marie is around if I end up in a similar circumstance to your Grandad.

Don't be rude, but definately be bold. Marie taught me that in the space of ten seconds. 

Ignorance is no excuse for rudeness. We used to be young fit strong young men, we didn't ask to be blighted in this way. Making a small allowance for our present condition will not kill anyone. 

Best regards to your Grandad and well done you for looking after him.