I cried today because something made me happy. That sounds strange doesn't it? Let me explain, three years ago I was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and probably I had it less obviously for a few years earlier than that. Any diseasediagnosis is unwelcome and Parkinsons is no different, as you will know u get the famous shake , fatigue, lack of coordination, a sort of physical tension in the body and you get pretty anxious.
One effect of all this that has hit me where it hurts is an inability to play the guitar like I used to. Okay I wasn't that great but it's been my constant companion virtually since I left home something approaching 40 years. When I was stressed out by life and workit was always there like a friend, when I was high on life it was always there like a celebration, when I got bored it was there to drive that boredom away.
So when the perfidious Parkinsons interfered with my ability to play endless 12 bars it was a sorry loss , not to music but to me. Nonetheless I persevered and can do a creditable impression of being in the groove and sometimes actually get in the groove , I still play in a band and I've worked on other skills like harmonica playing and singing to compensate. It has helped me a lot that the guys I play with have been understanding and I count my blessings, some of the gigs we have done post PD have been as good if not better than before. But it's been very difficult to keep my hand in, the problem being the strain of playing means I just don't get into it like I used to. You play but you don’t feel it the same, at least not often . It’s hard to explain .
Recently I tried a new drug on top of the Madopar/levodopathat I have taken for the last three years, namely Ropinerolea dopamine agonist. The interesting thing is it seems to be helping and I feel more energetic, less physically tense and importantly to me helps with the guitar playing. Whilst it's intermittent I have enjoyed several sessions on the guitar which were enjoyable and like I'd never been away, fingers dancing over the fretboard , a dream come true, downright bootylicious!
I was talking to someone about this and she said that it was like
I had lost and found an old friend. I realised she was right but
extended the comparison, it's like I've lost and found an old love.
It seems over the top to describe it as such but that's how it feels
and I found I had tears running down my cheeks.
I don't want to become separated again from my old love
things of course do change and it may well prove to be
a flash in the pan…
but I guess I just didn't realise how much I was missing it