Hello David I am so sorry you are going through this awful period in your life . It may not seem it at the moment but there are people out there who really care who can help you . Maybe the best thing to do is ring the helpline at the top of the page ( on forum ) . I have only spoken to them once but they were so helpful . They will know who to put you in touch with to help you in your area .
Im sure things can get better for you . Sometimes it can feel like the end of the road when you hit rock bottom but there are many people who have been there and come through it .
Have you got GP PD nurse a friend that you can talk to ?
You're right think of your twins it sounds like they love you very much . Ring the helpline as soon as it opens . Thinking about you . You are not alone David . You have friends here .