Why are some husbands so weak


#1

Why are some husbands so weak, When I was dx 3.5 year's ago I knew my marriage to Colin was doomed it had to be, there was not a cat in hells chance that when I got bad with this me and a few of my closest friends all agreed on.

And although I understand Colin does not like to see me suffering I will say I expected more from him.

I managed to cope with my deep concern for his medical condition (Ulcerative Colitis) this the medical staff that work within this field all say UC is not caused by diet, this is probably correct but it most definitely is effected by diet.

Last weekend we clashed again and this keeps on happening he goes to meet a mate from work telling me he will be home between 7.30 and 8 and guess what he was still boozing at 10 pm. I got so fed up waiting for him so I put my face on some glad rags and went to a biker bar where I knew i would be looked after if I had any issues whatsoever. 

He calls me at 10.15 to see where I am and gets annoyed with me as I am on my way out. Quite frankly tough what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I drink very little with all the tablets I am on so it is not as if I am going to be leg less Colin however frequently is. Up till now I have tolerated this for 17.5 years I can no longer do that. No matter what I say to Colin it falls on deaf ears. And now his attitude is going to cost him me. Our marriage is over and according to him it had nothing to do with the PD it really does PD changes us and we can never go back. That's it 16 years of marriage down the pan because he is a weak man whom I am starting to resent, there has been digs and comments from him since before dx and he seems to think he knows more about having this than I do. 

WHAT A COMPLETE LOAD OF RUBBISH. I can no longer deal with his attitude and the persistence Bull S*** I get from him. he cannot even manage to tell me I look nice when dressed up to go out, and as for a love life forget it.

It is precisely because of the PD I must end this now because if I do get bad with it I will not be capable of ending it then. Now I at least have half a chance to find someone who loves me as I am now and whom will be their for me 100% 

i have to deal with all this step by step DBS is number 1 get though that with the help of my sisters Pam and Tracey step 2 get re-housed ( ball already rolling with Lincoln Council ) and then step 3 file for divorce the grounds of which are mental cruelty. So I have yet again proven myself to be right because he is doing nothing to stop me he is not fighting for me or standing shoulder to shoulder with me.

He even said to me just after I was dx and I was reading a book about PD and I was crying " what now?? you got the dx you wanted"  I  pointed out very strongly I got the dx that is there.

I suppose that should really have told me then but I really did not listen.

So to answer my question why are they weak it is just because they are.

BB xx


#2

Hi. BB

So  Sorry to hear what you are going through. 

I hope everything works out for you and you get the support you need.You have been through the worst part by admitting what you feel.Could not have been easy.

Take care my friend.We all deserve to be happy life is too short.

Xx


#3

Thanks Glasgow Girl,

I really appreciate your support. xx

 

BB


#4

Hi BB

So sorry to read your post.

PD is almost harder on our partners than it is on us, as they feel so helpless and can't always cope with it.  But, they have a choice - just wish we did !

Do hope you find some way through this and have good friends for support.

Keep posting, we will listen, even if we can't be with you.

Best wishes

s


#5

Thankyou Supa

Knowing your here means a lot to me.

BB xx


#6

Hi BB

         This weakness isnt restricted to men, when i started with my spinal probs my ex soon found the door. When the going gets tuf etc.

Hope you pull through your dilemma, they say time is a great healer.


john

             


#7

Sorry BB

Hard times. Mine too wont accept problems exist. It's as if they think all the time they avoid admitting it then it can't really be happening. If I let it upset me he says I am hysterical, which is guaranteed to send me so. 

It must be awful for you to be at the stage you can't cope with that anymore. Thinking of you


#8

 

My Girlfriend Clare was ill when i met her, it already restricted her life, I accepted that as i saw her not the illness, then I became ill she accepted that too, because we just had eachother, that's all we ever wanted and we had nrly 7 yrs together, but then she died, that left a big hole ,what we had can never be replaced.

So I have seen both sides.


#9

Sea Angler,

So much pain!

But that acceptance is what we want. Not lectures and avoidance tactics, but a big hug and  a we will get through this together because we still have love assurance.


#10

Thank you all,

I know I can get through this I am far to stubborn not to.

 

BB xx


#11

'For better or worse', and, after 40 years together, half of those with Parkinsons, yes it's worse times than we ever expected but we remember the better timessmileand hope for some more. Hope that you can too BB.


#12

We are trying Benji and hopefully once my DBS gets done and I recover it will make it easier for both of us.


#13

Wishing you all the best Betty. You seem a strong lady and the attitude to survive.

Husband got the PD and he is still in the resenting stage and raging stage and keeps telling me almost daily that I am better off without him. But he has always been a pessimist and after 30 years of marriage I know how to ignore him with his rubbish.

I am sure it is not just men who are weak, but here are also weak woman.

So get your glad rags out and go and find a treasure, they are rare but out there somewhere.

<<<<hugs>>>> to you and good luck for the 12th Oct. I am hopeful for you!


#14
Thank you swiss miss i appreciate your kindness and support xx BB.

#15

I am my wifes carer and after nearly 50 wonderful years we are going though a lot worse times then we ever expected but certainly remembering the good times really does help, we are both around about 80 but both of us are able to remember the past in detail, its what happen this morning that is the problem
 


#16

Hello Betty Blue I have just read your sad story of the disintegration of your relationship and I do  feel very sorry for  you both as I know when  you  say goodbye  it  will  devastate  him, I have been  through exactly the same horrible sequence of  failures and uncaring attitudes and it  hurts  deeply I am lucky though as my dear  wife  number2  is  so  kind  and understanding, it  seems  like  our  turbulent recent   history  has  made  the  bond  between  us  stronger and  we  put  the  past  behind  us  so  it  was  almost  like  starting  again  really,and I am  so relieved , and  as  for  men  being  weak I would  agree  up  to  a  point but  the  pain  and  loss I have endured  over  the  last  10  to  12yrs has been  immense and where  the capability to  deal  with the horrible  effects  of PD  comes  from  I  really  cant  say, I  just take  it  as  it  comes  day  after day,  its  a  real pig,  BB a inner  strength processes it and puts  things  in   order, I am  not lessening  your  predicament your  husband  and  his  behaviour wont  know  what  he  has  lost  till  you are  gone,  all  break   ups  cause  pain  and  I  wish  you  well  BB,  but  feel  sad

                                                   Kind Regards  FED


#17
Hello fed I really should have updated this post. My anger was talking when I wrote this. Since then we have both calmed down and really talked propley about where we both go from here. I feel Colin will always struggle with my diagnoses at the end of the day I know he loves me and I do love him this just keeps on rearing its ugly head every now and then. My temper gets the better of me and then we end up in a war zone. I feel it is caused by the distonia that comes with my PD. Each attack is taking a peice of me with her. We have agreed to make time to talk more and listen more as well. I have made a point of telling him to not tell me how to mange my condition espically as he doesn't have the foggiest idea how it feels their has always been one person whom tells me that and she is me. So now it is up to us all we can do is try. I have my DBS Decision on Wed to hear and if I have passed the assessments the sooner the better as far as i am concerned. Then once they start to rack my meds down the mood swings they caused me should start to ease off. Best wishes to you BB

#18

Holy shit!

I am sure that he will fight you through the divorce, sorry to say this. Once he knows that you are divorcing him he will no longer be your friend despite what your heart may tell you. 

I was divorced by my ex-wife within 2 years of my diagnosis, she threatened to pour petrol on me and set me on fire. Yes, really.

I wish you all the luck in the world. 

Paul

 


#19

Divorce at the moment is not going to happen as said we are giving it one more chance.

After 16 years of marriage owe it to both of us.

My first husband was a control freak & a moron.

Number 2 not much better.

Colin is number 3 do not want another surname, for some strange reason or other they all want to marry me and no I am not wealthy either.

BB


#20

So pleased to hear this BB. I'm sure he loves you, from what little you told me about him.......he just doesn't know how to cope. Keep talking and listening!

Much love,   Twinks. X