Hello junimo
It is an interesting a question that you have posed and in principle, I agree with what TheLippyOne has written in their reply to your post. Although my circumstances are not yours and your question does not directly apply to me I can, nevertheless offer a few pointers which may help you see your situation from a different perspective.
Before going on to to my reply proper, I would ask you to remember that my comments are based on assumptions that I have made about your father as you don’t tell us very much about him; they may not be accurate but I hope you are able to take something from my post.
First it seems likely your father is newly diagnosed with Parkinson’s or perhaps hasn’t had it long and his symptoms are mild. In most people the progression of the condition is slow and there is time to adjust and plan for changes et
If my first point is correct, I don’t think you necessarily need to change your plans to move out of the family home and establish the independent life you see for yourself. I don’t think at this point you need to change any of your plans but you may feel, for example, that you prefer to have your own place fairly close to where your father lives for your own piece of mind.
What you don’t know at this stage is something all of us with Parkinson’s have to face, and that is neither you nor he knows how he will be affected by his Parkinson’s or how fast his deterioration might be. It is perfectly possible however that even with some changes in his condition, he can still live an independent life and not need a carer for some considerable time.
I think it is important that you don’t assume you know what help your father needs or when he needs it. He may have his own ideas and he may well not want you to ‘give up your life, plans etc., to care for him.
In your post you write as if it is a given you will be your father’s carer and that you are already planning this. This is fine if that’s what you want but you need to know you don’t have to take on this role or, if you do, you don’t have to do it for ever and a day if it gets too hard. There is a general assumption made that a family member will take on the carer role and this often is the case. There is no law however that says this and some people just aren’t cut out to be carers. Very many carers too underestimate what is involved when they take it on. At the beginning it can be quite easy, symptoms are mild, not much help is needed and there aren’t many major changes. As time goes on and the load becomes heavier as the condition progresses, it can become a thankless, relentless, exhausting role that lasts many years - and become a very lonely place too. If you do take this role on, do so with your eyes open - it is not an easy role to take on.
I have written all my points as if your father is new or relatively new to Parkinson’s but even if it is the case that he is further along and beginning to need some level of care, my points will or can apply. It is not wholly your decision to make, your father may have other ideas and these should be taken into account, do you really want or indeed are you cut out to be a carer. Finally you are entitled to a life too, think carefully before giving up or changing your hopes, dreams and plans.
Maybe that is the right thing for you to do but think about it very carefully, might you be a better carer by recognising you need something for you?; that is not selfish, it is the reality. Being honest with yourself and your father is key to give you the best chance of making the right decisions for both of you.
I wish you luck. Let us know how you are getting on sometime.
Tot
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