Benji's Breakfast Bar

Benji had a good idea on another thread of producing a Parkies recipe/cookbook, so I thought I would follow it up and start the ball shaking!!

Hawaiian Toast

Lightly toast 2 x slices of bread
place a square of pre-packed ham and a ring of pineapple on each slice.
Cover with grated cheese and replace under grill until cheese has melted.
Add a touch of Paprika while cheese is still guey


4 minutes and you're done
Even from the land of the deep fried mars bar this sounds a vile sandwich! My advice - wash it down with some 'Buckfast' if you must eat it - come back to me if you don't know what this is..... But not immediately because I think sleep is calling me!:fearful:
I can't help thinking you should have titled this :imp:Hell's Kitchen:imp:.
Sorry, but Benji's Breakfast Bar just sounds too nice for you - I guess I can't take you seriously at the moment.
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What a splendid idea Poker. We could all contribute a recipe and you could do a book thing on Lulu, just like the poetry one. Here's my starter, well it's not mine exactly and the bit about the box turtle is frankly a lie and I must admit to not actually trying the recipe but that shouldn't get in the way of raising a healthy profit.

Omelet in A Cup
INGREDIENTS: An egg, a Styrofoam cup, some pepperoni, some
cheese, salt, pepper, and whatever other things you think might
go with eggs.
• Break the egg into the Styrofoam cup. Slosh it around with a fork. Toss
in some of the other stuff.
• Microwave it for 30 seconds. If it explodes, you did’t stir it well
• Stir it some more.
• Don’t undercook. Just as with hamburger and e. Coli connection,
undercooked eggs can give you Salmonellosis, which I have personally
had (not from eggs, but from a large box turtle:flushed:) and it’s no picnic.
• If Environmental Guilt keeps you from enjoying your Omelet In A Cup,
use a ceramic cup, and then
• Enjoy washing the dishes, work up an appetite for the next recipe!
How to Cook a Coot

An old family recipe handed down for many generations. I chose not to use a modern recipe format in order to retain the flavour of the oral recitation, just as I received it.

Take one coot. Pluck and clean the bird. Put a brick in the cavity. Season well with salt, pepper, and garlic. Place in a large casserole dish. Add 3 cups water to dish. Bake, covered, 12 hours. Add 1 bottle white wine. Return to oven for a further 12 hours. Add 4 chopped onions and one more bottle of white wine. Bake another 12 hours. Continue adding 1 bottle of white wine every 12 hours until the brick is soft. Then discard the coot and eat the brick.


The Coot, or Mud Hen, is a one pound water bird that resembles a duck.
Oh you are a brick, dear Grey!
What a tremendous sense of humour you seem to have. Been practising long?

Dear Cutipie,
I missed the episode when you were suspendered. Can you enlighten me as I was out of town. You seem to know a lot about "den's of iniquity"!!

Rosa, welcome to the helpful and kind atmosphere of the PDS forum. We have always tried to be encouraging to newcomers.
The only "Buckfast" I know of is Buckfast Abbey near Dartmouth. Six monks took 30 years to build a replica of a 12th century Cistercian abbey. Nowadays they make wine and extract honey, both are pretty mundane.

Are you feeling out of sorts Slack Alice that you can't take a suggestion for some light-hearted recipes seriously?
Mr Ramsay's "Hells kitchen" gets results which is more than I can say for your contribution to a potentially worthwhile venture.
You might well consider tasting this delectable recipe: --
7.6 ounces olive oil
7.6 ounces lard
6.3 ounces coconut oil
2.5 ounces sunflower oil
1.3 ounces castor oil
3.6 ounces lye (sodium hydroxide)
8 ounces water
1.1 ounces lavender essential oil
Boil together and let solidify.

Yes, it's soap!

I can't see why some people have an amazing facility for ganging up together against one person. We all have Parkinson's disease to some greater or lesser degree. Surely life is too short to have this bickering that you lot seem to be enjoying.

I've said before, "If you haven't got anything good to say, don't say it."
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Who is ganging up?

Who is bickering?

Not I, I assure you. The initial post was taken by me to be humorous. I suspect the other respondents thought the same.

I resent your implications,

I will send you a private message via the PDS so that you can vent your anger against me in a more circumspect way avoiding the knock on detrimental effect to other Forum users reading your abusive words.

I will agree that my last post was sarcastic to the previous authors involved. If you actually read the introductory text,you must agree that there is nothing confrontational or outspoken except for an unusual recipe (a bit like peanut butter and jelly sandwich or should we only have smoked salmon and cucumber, with the skin peeled off of course?) LOL

I was replying to them directly. May I suggest that you allow them to speak for themselves, before hijacking with all guns blazing.

I repeat "If you haven't got anything good (or constructive) to say, DON'T SAY IT", please!!!!!

With regards for the good help you give to other members of the forum.

Had you considered Grey, that it was meant in truthful seriousness?
Therefore the ridicule and rudeness was unjustified.

I consider that if Poker's original post was meant in "truthful seriousness" then I have made an error of judgement. Simply that. To extrapolate that to "ganging up" and "bickering", then escalate to accusations of "ridicule" and "rudeness" is wholly unjustified.

At least you have been practising your humour (soap recipe). More of it please. Perhaps a few light hearted recipes, in addition to the practical, could add to the readability of the proposed book.


I came upon this thread by accident, but I read it with due trepidation.

"...... this sounds like a vile sandwich"
"...... should have titled this Hell's Kitchen"
"...... Benji's Breakfast Bar just sounds too nice for you"
"you'd certainly get a round of f***s instead of service with a smile"
"May your spirit roam for ever....."
"How to cook a coot..... Then discard the coot and eat the brick."

In all honesty grey how does that sound to you? Four to one.

If I got the wrong end of the stick then I apologise, but I think as things stand the pokermid needs an apology.

With regards, Cecily.
Anyway Grey,

I'll take your advice and polish up on some recipes, got some good ones with slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails, that's what little boys are made of!! LOL.:smile:

Regsrds, Cecily.

And you must be sugar and spice (with a few extras for good measure!).

We of course await Pokermid's side of this story but you can take it as read that if I got the wrong end of the stick, then apologies, Poker, for misreading your good intentions.

Best wishes,
dear cec,

how are you,haven't heard from you for a while? Well I do apologise if I've offended Poker but reading his post on Hell's kitchen I'm under the impression that he rather enjoyed his first customers of the days comments and re opened a new café 'Hells kitchen' in our honour to wet our voracious appetites - so I remain rather confused and feel mixed messages may have crossed our paths. Also I do know Poker hates being referred to as the third party and can speak for himself - so Poker I'm sorry if I offended you 'cause it was all meant in the best possible taste and on that note I'll wish you good night 'cause I'm off to bed.

I have read your post at 13:20 and am somewhat bewildered by your sarcastic tirade, although I do agree with the last line. Other than that I feel it best to make no further comment to you.

My suggestion re Hells Kitchen was said in jest which I assume you understood - I feel sure you would have let me know otherwise.
Dear all,

What a fool and I,
What a fool I be,
Trying to defend him,
Who has no need of me.

At first I was outraged,
At a misinterpretation,
Made a fool of myself,
Through misrepresentation.

"Five and twenty ponies
Trotting through the dark-
Brandy for the Parson,
'Baccy for the Clerk;
Laces for a Lady, letters for a spy,
Them that asks no questions isn't told a lie-
So watch the wall, my darling, while the Gentleman go by!"

I retire.