Thanks for your further post Keld.
Sorry to hear you lost your mother two years ago, but I'm glad she had a long life.
I'm not a "natural" carer in any sense of the word. At the moment my care duties are minimal, although we both hate that I have to put an overnight pad on him. If it get worse, as it inevitably will, neither of us like the idea of having carers in and out of our home, which is when we'll have to consider a care home.
The only thing that makes me feel less guilty about it is the words of one of the matrons in a home we visited, when she said "We won't/can't love him - that's your job. Ours is to care for him, which we will", adding that I should just think of it as him sleeping elsewhere, as I'd continue to see him daily.
It doesn't make it any easier for me (or him), of course, but I have to face up to my limitations. Surely it will be better for him to see me as a less stressed and slightly calmer person than someone who hates every minute of what they're having to do, completely stressed out.
It's going to be horrendous when the time comes, I know, but it's the lesser of the evils, I feel.
Thanks again for your support.