Iilace HERE I had put together a post I thought would be of interest a post of some substance carefully worded, I was just completing it WOOOSH GONE, AND SO AM I
FED
Destiny and fate can only come into play if you believe your life is pre planed and inevitable,
controlled by some one or some thing above and beyond your understanding .
Life tends not to work like that as things go from good to bad and back again in a random indiscriminate manner , Parkinson's is a good example of that in that no one really knows why one person gets it and others don't , or what really causes it .
sorry if this sounds like a rant Lol It's not ment to be I'm newly dx with pd Still a bit shocked .
I find the random nature of pd hardest to deal with, one day great the next awful without any rhyme or reason if I'm ill I'm ill not both in one day or hour to hour ,destiny would be more ordered and defined as most plans and predetermined events are.
I would rather believe my pd is a random event in a chaotic universe than predetermined one in an organised one , or we could all expecte an answer when we ask the eneviitable question why me ? Which we all do at some time but never get an answer to.
Anyway that's my take on life the univers and every thing for what it's worth. Lol 42
take care n live well. Cc
Thankyou for replying Cheshire
I was very frustrated the other morning when almost completing a post which actually was very similar to the words I have just read, the message I was trying to post, briefly was this,,,I should not be here, among the living that is, there were three occasions at work when I missed certain death by milliseconds, ,I will elaborate on this later as I have to visit a old friend whos destiny is no longer under his control.
Kindest Regards my friend Fed
Hi Fed
I was drawn here by the topic header you posted and would have enjoyed it I'm sure ,if you get time to redo it that would be great .
I to have had near missis in my life were I thought I should have exeted stage left but some how didn't .
When I was in my wild and wooly youth I was into the biker scene big time ( still am really as i still own a big bike but can't ride cos my sense of balance is shot ) was out with a few mates n we stopped to eat n stuff ,I was supposed to lead off but had to adjust my gloves and my mate went first instead I ended up 50 yards behind him into a bend a mile or so later n saw his girl friend flying through the air , I dumped my bike on the road slid into the curb with a grased leg n a sore arm, my mate had hit a lorry stoped in the road n both him n his girl friend were killed on impact .
my life was saved by a glove n seeing her body flying from the crash ,any belief in a supreme being went out the window that day ( we were all only teens then ) I cannot believe in any grand design when life is lost or saved in such a random way and now to end up with pd , which to me is almost the worst thing I could get seems as bizzar as life can get.
Still we all have to play the hand we are delt and make the most of the time we have .
Have lost the thred of what I'm saying so will end now before I go totaly ga ga LOL. To late me thinks
anyway take care n live well Cc
Hello Cheshire
Three times certain death was avoided ,once the skill I had developed in the 26yrs as a Machine Operator saved my life, you quickly learn survival techniques in the heavy plant world or you dont last long, the day in question I had to track the 30 ton machine very close and more importantly parallel to the river Tyne, this is normally a definite no no, but it was necessary to get to the area I was to excavate,I wont go into too much detail but half way to my destination when a 40ft section of river bank slipped away and it was taking the big Cat to its watery grave me included, on my left the Tyne and death for sure only the solid earth on my right could save me , I swung the boom to the right and gained a solid hold and by slewing the big machine to the right the tracks began to grip the earth and ever so gently fed power into the bucket and climbed away from what would have been a horrific death,my skill enabled me to use auto pilot mode to save my life as I was so terrified , the most incredible escape involved another machine, a brand new JCB I had taken delivery of only the previous day, I had been on a very muddy site and my pride and joy was very dirty so I took it to the wash bay where the high pressure washer was situated, I raised the front bucket high so I could access the engine side plates and began to blast off the dirt, it was one piece of stubborn muck that saved me that day, it would not budge so I leant forward to get a better shot at it, as I did so my spare bucket fell out of the front bucket from a height of about 14ft and grazed my elbow, I could not believe my eyes , a faulty valve block had allowed the front loader to slowly invert, completely unaware of what was taking place above me I set about removing the dirt, then the pain in my elbow , if I had not leaned forward at that very second it would have hit me directly on my head,and crushed my skull like a egg shell, realising how very very close the grim reaper had come to claim me for his legions of the dead, I went into shock, I still have nightmares about that incident, I will not go into the third brush with death as I dont wish to bore you all but I often sit and think especially when BLACKHEART is dominant maybe the instant death I would have incurred with the near miss of the very weighty 18inch spare bucket , maybe that was supposed to happen but was saved, saved for the long haul, the slow drip drip removal of my capacity as a human being so is this my destiny then , the long protracted slide to my doom ,perhaps I missed my opportunity for the easy way out maybe I WAS SAVED to in turn save some other soul in desperate need, why did I escape that day , am I being punished or am I being groomed for some great event yet to arrive , a good event something that will be very very special Hmmm?
Destiny is there such a thing FED
Hell o Cheshire
I appologise my friend, my sincere condolences for the loss of your friends it must have been horrific and will live with you forever, knowing it may have been you will not ease your suffering in fact it will make you feel guilt knowing your demise may have saved them, but we are not supposed to know these things such is Destiny.
Kindest Regards Fed
Hi again Fed
Well many years have past since that day and out of six mates that regularly rode together I'm the only one now left, some went on two wheels n some from natural causes ( I went to all there services in full gear boots jeans leather jacket with cutoff denam on top ) I can't say thay were better or worse than me but in the darker times I do think them more lucky , thay all went quick n relatively cleanly ,maybe on some level I even envy them. But the one thing thay all had in common is thay lived life to the full and I would feel disrespectful not to carry on in the same way no matter what life throws at me cos while I remember them thay are still out there on the road somewhere
Wow that was a bit dark sorry.
Im a mechanic HGV plant car bike you name it I've fixed it modified it or built it including conceret n bitumen plants I'm old school all sorts of welding if I can't get a part I make it or modifie something to fit , trouble now is can't work no sense as pd makes it hard to think strait and my hands shake, have worked on all sizes of slews n wheel diggers so know what you talking about , thay all dangers in the wrong hands and even when stood still lol well I have rambled enough of now so take care
Live well Cc
hi
i did type out a long message on a near death experience, but i think i'd explain what i mean by saying lifes much like a game of 'snakes and ladders' i am in a way down the ladder being ill, but i don't know what the number(illness) on the dice is yet, or where it'll take me when the dice has stopped rolling and they'll be directions too choose once it has.
Hi sea angler
Yep life's a game of chance that you play blindfolded some times you come out ahead n sometimes not, we all loose in the end but you got to keep playing to the end or you will know you lost ! An that would be a bitch lol
As thay say were there's life there's hope n if I can't get back on two wheels I will get on three instead you got to aim for the stars or you'll only hit the ground.
live long n live well Cc
Hello Cheshire and Sea Angler
When I woke up at 7am I thought I was going to die, certain that my body was about to fail,but I managed to get down stairs and fit the duodapa pump and in 10 minutes I was normal and felt well, now I am going back and must use the boost option or I will shut down, its a constant high attrition all out war whoever blinks first will suffer , this is not part of my plan for life some how some where I became host to this evil disease and must live and die with it ,each day it takes another bite out of me but I will not allow it to dictate what I can and cannot do, like you Cheshire I lost good friends in horrific accidents, my long time buddy died as I was picking him up for work, the sense of loss never leaves me , it was his fate to go that way ,it is mine to go this road ,lets hope it leads out of harms way , I am determined it will.
Live long and prosper. Fed
Good evening young FED ...........I am sad that you are not feeling your chirpy self......i didn't realise that you have had so many escapes from death matey.......wow you've got more than my cat!!!!
you really should think seriously about writing a book, your life has been and still is so interesting and you have a great way with words.......anyway let me know once it is published cos i want to read it....ok?
My Mr Dolly is waiting now to see a Nuerologist can you believe it......this is a man who up to feb this year was dancing several times a week, strong, confident and fit. Then something caused him to become unsteady, clumsy and forgetful. very slow gait, (rings bells)!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have had to push and push for tests and referrals we need to know what has happened and what we are dealing with, TIA? vascular dementia? or surely not the dreaded Parky? i said to him "can't i have anything without you copying me" 
lol. so now i have become a carer (role reversal) that is life i guess.
We do keeeeeeeeeeep smiling and whatever it is we are in it together....keep rockin matey and keep your chins up 
thinking of ya!
luv Dolly x
Thank you Dolly you are a very kind lady, with more people like you around the world would be a much jollier,,is that a word,,place, you know I told you to go on you tube , the vic reeves bob mortimer pages, type in the stotts interview Damon Hill its so funny also the Geordie moon shot.
I hope you sleep well Doll, Fed
Hi, all --
I'm late reading through this thread. Barring suicide, our time and means of death are not of our own determination. I can't help saying that members of the forum like me (still in the early stages of PD) are benefiting greatly from the fact that you, fed and Cc, escaped death in the past. Your honest and unvarnished accounts of life with more advanced PD teach us a lot and help us prepare ourselves for our future with this miserable affliction.
I'm doing all I can to fight and to keep PD at bay. Yet I know that one day it will win. It is sort of a double consciousness: I know that without a cure, I will eventually be struck down; but at the same time I preserve my optimistic outlook and keep living as if there were no threat to my well-being. As the disease advances, I expect I shall become less sanguine and more aware of the toll PD is taking from my life.
Thanks for posting. You are both most enlightening for the rest of us. Best wishes -- J
T hank you J , I know from pevious trans atlantic chats you are a strong willed person who will fight to the last against the evil that we must face every day for the rest of our lives,and that takes courage strength tenacity ,all of these continue to power me up in the morning, with help from the Ddopa , but I am becoming tolerant of the dopamine gel and find the serious shut downs are increasing both in freqeuency andseverity this strikes sheer terror into my heart, I know it can hardly compare to the pure undiluted terror that a soldier feels when under fire or a police man looking down the barrel of a shot gun, and yet it is,just because its happening in my home surrounded by familiar things does not take away the exquisite intensity that can only be felt when in the grip of BLACKHEART,as I said earlier ,,,am I being schooled hardened, tempered if you like for some event, either in my near future or distant, we have no way of knowing and yet I have a uncanny ability to predict mostly unpleasant things, which occur no more than48 hrs later I just put this down to coincidence of course, and yet the accuracy of the predictions , well lets leave it there.
May you live a long and peacefull life my friend
Fed
Hi Dolly
Just reading through some threads and came across this one. I know its a while back now but how is your husband any results yet. If so I hope not too bad.
Keep rocking
wye
Hiya Wye....lovely to hear from you, how are you doing? have you had any news regarding your poorly eye? No Mr D hasn't even been to see the Neurologist yet though i rang them yesterday regarding my meds and they are chasing it up. he does have an appointment next Mon at the memory clinic. The A.Depressents have certainly lifted his mood and he is getting his old enthusiasm back and enjoying himself again, though his walking is still slow and at times laboured, he isn't quite as clumsy as he was , though he won't try dancing yet because his balance is still not good enough. There is a general improvement but i am still pushing for a scan to see what we are dealing with and the Neurologist has to send him for that!!!!
Meanwhile i am going for the eye op providing the Consultant can get the funding, he thinks he will as in his words "it is an exceptional case" .........i always knew that he he
Keep Rockin yourself matey......all the best to you ....Dolly x
I have been sitting here composing information relevant to all, I have worked on it for over one and a half hr when i pressed return the whole lot vapourised i have no need to say how demoralising this is I am so angry now Im off
fed
Aw come back young Fedand give it another go matey.....i know it has happened to me and it is amazing that i haven;t lobbed the laptop across the room. We are here waiting with bated breath for your composition.....so take a deep one and keep Rockin at the same time ......yeeeeeee haaaaa !!!!
(sorry having a funny 5 minutes) it will pass.!!
luv Dolly daydream 
I second Dolly's motion, Fed. Your thoughtful and thought-provoking posts are appreciated by many. Give it another try -- maybe tomorrow?
J
Hello Dolly and J I have been hit by the same problem again while attempting to post AMAZING, i HAD ONCE AGAIN TYPED a lengthy post with items of interest, then zip ,gone I will send this then investigate,
FED