Fear - symptoms of PD - should I say something? Dilemma


#1

Dear all

I'm hoping for some advice. I have started dating a man I like a lot. However, even in the short time I have known him, it has struck me that he is displaying multiple symptoms of PD. It was the sleep disturbance that got me thinking. It was very alarming. Having looked it up it fits in with the description of 'REM sleep disturbance behaviour'. There are lots of other things, all on the symptoms lists I have looked at, including stiffness. I have this really strange, overbearing feeling that I am right about my instinct.

He has not mentioned PD, although he does talk about his various ailments. Is it possible that he has never thought of PD? Or is he giving me clues and waiting for me to say something? I just can't tell.

I am very wary of coming out with my concerns. It feels wrong for me to be in this role should this indeed be undiagnosed PD, but at the same time I feel guilty for not saying anything, in case it is PD and a diagnosis would help. I gather people who have PD are not always aware of symptoms.

So really my question is this - for those who have had a diagnosis. If you had started dating someone and they came out with these concerns, how would you feel? What would you expect?

Or is it possible he is aware but has not mentioned it initially to give the relationship a chance? He seems happy to have met me.

How can I work out which it is? Is there anything low key I can say?

Thank you for your time.


#2

 

Hi

Perhaps the key is communication and acceptance?.

Before i was self aware of being ill myself and setting out on the Journey of diagnosis, I  was and am in a relationship with a lady herself who is ill, on the first date she made it clear she was ill, i didn't ask the details, she simply asked would i accept her and her illness and that at time her illness at times would be bigger than her and myself.

Over time i have become her carer as well as her partner, and then as the years have passed i have become ill as well, i have always had a tremor, she could see this,my shakey claw she'd call it, everyone could, but i always dismissed it, and then i began too slow down, in work, out of it, and slowed down in ability too care for her, i was knackered physically and mentally.

I knew nothing at all about PD,like many people as far as i was concerned it was a old peoples illness and MJ Fox had it. 

 


#3

Thanks so much for your response Sea Angler.

I previously had a long relationship with someone who has a serious mental health condition - in the end I found I could not cope. I had no support whatsoever and was struggling to keep my job and sanity. This person would not accept that he had a condition and how this affected those around him.

I am living with the consequences of not being strong enough to continue that relationship, I am still his friend and try to offer support.

I don't know if I can take more pressure, and I do not want to cause more pain.

I have been living alone and it has taken me a while to heal. I had accepted that this solitude would be my life, I was at peace with it. Then this has happened and I am devastated - so much feeling but I have no strength left and not enough positivity I fear.

I hope you will not judge me too harshly. I feel a huge burden of responsibility.

Thank you.







 


#4

You say he talks about his various ailments - has he had them checked? If not, you could suggest he does. This avoids confronting (and possibly frightening him) about your fears and puts the responsibility for his diagnosis - whatever it is - into the hands of his GP.


#5

Dear Tabbycat

That's very good advice. I have to say even something which may seem as obvious as that I am not able to see, so I'm hugely grateful.

This takes some of the responsibility off me. The idea being the bringer of not only great joy but, potentially, great sorrow too is almost unbearable.

Thanks again.

 

 


#6

Hello

I followed Tabbycat's advice. It's not on his mind at all, so I don't know if he will get it checked out.

More than anything I hope I am wrong.

Thanks

 

 


#7

Well, whatever the cause of his symptoms, he needs to get them checked.

If it were me, I'd get fed up of someone going on about various ailments without actually doing anything about it! Isn't dating supposed to be fun? wink


#8

Hi Tabbycat

You are right, it works the other way too of course, I am very conscious of that. 

Last night was very rough - three terrorising awakenings. I'm a feeling sort of person, which does not help.

Thank you for your advice. I hope I haven't been insensitive in my other posts.

 

 

 


#9

To Gaia and anyone else in same position.

If you suspect PD tell him straight and get him to docs and find out.

Endless worrying will make you ill.

He clearly has some problem whatever it is and it needs attention now.

PD is not a death sentence but living with it without treatment is extremely debilitating.

All the PWPs on here have been through similar so your not alone.

Find out, get him treated and then you can both get your lives back; yes life will be different but more chance of it being for the better with right medication.

If he has got PD but wont say he may need advice on how to manage it so you are in right place.

You both need to talk.

regards

L


#10

Dear Leyther

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate it.

I was wondering if there was any argument for not knowing about it - as in: while you don't know you can get on with life without the burden of diagnosis? 

Also if I mention PD to him, will that put him in a spin?

Finally - I am not sure I can cope with the responsibility. This makes it harder to be the potential bringer of difficult news. 

I was pretty clear about my concerns though - and the sleep issue is very disruptive, so much so I've had to sleep all evening after work to catch up.

Many thanks for your time.


#11

Hi Gaia

Without medication he will decline steadily, that's assuming its PD, it may be something else.

If you're going to get a neurological illness then PD is the one you would choose.

Brace yourself and find out. It sounds like the bad news is already here,                                                                                                                                                                                                                               Once you know what you are up against you can get advice and plan for the future.

Regards Leyther

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         


#12

Thank you


#13

Hello, it's me again - he now says there's nothing to worry about.

I haven't mentioned PD. I am considering the option of withdrawing quietly at this stage.

He may welcome that option too.

 

 

 

 


#14

Well, I think you've done all you can. Either he knows what's wrong and doesn't want to discuss it, or he's in denial and hoping it will go away. Or, there might be nothing wrong with him at all!

I'm sure you care about him but he's an adult and you're not responsible for his health and wellbeing.


#15

 

Or it's a man thing,

I had been never one too take a pill or visit the doctors in fact they wrote too me too see if i was still living here and i only live 100 yards from the surgery, but in the end i went because i could stick it no longer a breaking point. he might not associate the demons in the sleep with illness i had them way before being aware i was ill, they were very graphic every time i closed my eyes they were there but i put them away in my mind for other lesser ones.

Perhaps withdrawing quietly too let him come too his own decision on it, best way, but support him when he does if it doesn't get in the way of your relationship.

 


#16

Hi.,

I'm very sorry to hear of the troubles you are both having.

If you could put together all the information you could get on dealing with PD and what help there is to access, perhaps the responsibility of being looked after will fall on someone else's shoulders, leaving you free to enjoy your time together.

It's a bit idealistic and perhaps unrealistic, but I only mean it with the best of intentions and hope you both find peace in your lives.

With best wishes

Casie

 


#17

Thank you all for your comments.

I wish I had more faith in the health service - not providers, who are amazing, but the system.

In my previous relationship I felt completely isolated and in the end I could not hack it.

I'm someone who worries and frets - and cares. Terrible combination!

 

 

 


#18

You sound like your birth sign is Pisces!


#19

Dear Casie, what makes you say that?!

 

 


#20

Hi Gaia

It's not meant to be a bad comment.  I'm a Piscerian and I'm typical of the star sign in as much as I'm always trying to please all of the people all of the time.  You can't do this, it's impossible but I keep on trying!

I'm a terrible worrier and lack the confidence in putting my views through to others.  When I had my first child, I kept on asking the nurses about this, that and the other.  In the end, the nurse told me to relax and stop worrying and everything would work out fine.

I hate it if I feel I've hurt someone's feelings so I hope I haven't hurt yours

all the best

Casie