OUR 31st WEDDING ANIVERSARY

Living with Parkinson's Daily life
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                  Hello today is the beginning of our 31st year  together, I wont bore you with the details lets just say things are becoming strained again. We went to visit a friend this morning and while there, the most vicsous of parkies militia  , dyskinesia. began work reducing me to a very shaky unstable frightened  Fed its always a %100 worse when you are away  from the sanctuary of home so I made my excuses and we left , now I had suggested that we could visit the Italian restraunt in the village to celebrate our special day but when hammered by Dyskie like this the last thing I want is to eat in public, food will go anywhere but not in my mouth so I politely asked if we could leave it until 6 or 8pm I have usually stabllised by then,  well that went down like a lead balloon and I am now on  level 9  out  of 10 on the Feds Silent treatment scale, and all because I feel most unwell  I dont know what to do, I explained how I felt in fact its taking some effort to type this post, I offered to go later, not acceptable , I have noticed this attitude towards me is on the climb again and  it worries me greatly I do not want to make a fuss about it as I am scared she will leave, I love her and would give her the world if I could, her good friend is over on holliday from spain and I am sure she would like to go back with her to  have a break , i  have even suggested this, but I over heard the name of a spanish gentleman , he was most impressed with her when we visited back in2002, and is her friends neighbour  single attractive rich, maybe I AM PUTTING TWO AND TWO together and making 10 but it seems like more than a coincidence to me , am I right or wrong, I know I am scared.

                                                          FEDsad faceconfusedcry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Oh Fed im sorry :-( obviously I cant speak for your wife but me personally im terrible at being disappointed or 'let down', even if its nobodys fault, and especially if its a special day, and I know its always fair of me but I cant help it! She might not be upset with you but maybe just frustrated for both of you, maybe suggest again about going out tonight if your feeling ok and say you really do want a nice night with her and remind her how much you care. Its horrid when you cant help it and it upsets your loved one, try not to be too hard on yourself though. And I know those thoughts of 'he/she might find someone better' but im sure she still loves you and wants you x
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         Hello Suzy

                           I  have not exchanged a dozen words with my  Lady today I have been Dyske all day and still am, I have suggested we go out tommorow if i am ok  but heard no reply, this fearsome uncertainty undermines my strength I hope things improve soon I could not exist without her.

 

                                        Thankyou for your concern Suzy         I hope you are well

                                                                           Fed            

              

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Try and stay strong, I really hope she will talk with you properly soon. Maybe she finds it easier to not talk at all because shes afraid she will say something unfair, I would hope she will come round cos she must understand you obviously didnt want this to happen! All you can do is try and be open and hope she will be too! Hope your not so shaky tomorrow, it is scary. Take care x

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    Good morning Suzy

                     Dyskie still thre but not as bad as yesterday,still very little conversation between us, I dont know what I have done, she is normally so caring its almost as if she cant be bothered,  I can  manage every  aspect of Ddpa apart from re- instllaling, in the morning and thats because I am not in the land of the living so I  will just have to wait and see how things work out I will try and make progress today , I have suggested the little Italian restraunt, but no interest shown, I know it must be horrible  for my wife having me to look after every day  7days a week but we were doing ok, or so I thought.

                                           Thank you again Suzy for your cocern.

                                                              Fedconfused

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Hello Fed, hope your day is much better today. This PD can bring out the worst of us at times, my husband gets upset when he can't do what he wants to do and gets irritable. I must admit to not being very gracious at times, mostly things are fine but now and then there has to be a release valve. You might not have done anything wrong, we have found that sitting out in the garden in the evening we can talk about how we really feel about things. I have found out that comments I have made have been hurtful, sometimes I have misunderstood something or not listened properly. Good luck to you both. flo

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How are things Fed?

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         Hello Suzy

                          Not as I would like thigs to be,there seems to be adistinct lack of warmth, we have had our ups and downs especialy in the last two years and it feels  as if well for the want of a better few words, shes lost that loving feeling if she would only love me like she used to do, she never closes her eyes when I  kiss her lips and theres no tenderness like there was in her finger tips, shes trying hard not to show it , but Suzy Suzy  ,I    know it, Bring back that loving feeling oohoh that loving feeling bring back that  loving feeling cos its gone gone gone and I cant go on  ohoh no, sorry if that sounds cheesy or slushy or soft but the words of that song first recorded by the Righteous Brothers, portray my feelings fear and sadness , all these emotions are powerful and in short if this awful awful sense of loss,  well  bring back that loving feeling, thats all I want I feel like I am surplus to her requirements, I try not to curtail her freedom and  indeed have encouraged her to take a week in Spain with her friend, but overhearing the name Ramone, he constantly makes sure everyone knows his name, in full Ramone Federico Alfonso, he is indecently handsome owns lots of land in and around Vigo also has two SEAT Dealerships and is very predatory as far as women are concerned, when we visited our  friends in  2002, he shamelessly flirted with my wife and of course this  sort of behaviour is exiting for any lady, she did not respond but he rang her numerous times, eventually I WAS GLAD TO COME HOME. so I am worried she might ask to go back with  her friend, oh I am in a bad place.

                                                              Kindest Regards           FED 

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         Hello, please excuse the previous post, the song I mean,its just about covers all my feelings, its fear of the unknown, the sort of fear that almost wrenches your heart from  your chest, I am begining tohave the same feelings I  had when my first marriage disintergrated,only those of us who have gone through that can understand, I am trying but when someone falls out of love its creates very destructive feelings they are the exact opposite of when you fall in love, especially the first year or so, I am not expecting a return to those electrifying times thats not  possible, but parky is blighting the closeness  and yes occasionally the passion we used to feel, I do hope with all my heart that this unfortunate situation will pass,I  did make her laugh about ten minutes ago, perhaps thats the small spark, I  will try and try.

                                     Fed                         ps I have just noticed that spanish g/?ts middle name,ironic isnt it

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Oh Im sorry Fed its horrid not knowing what shes thinking or how shes feeling, I know I cant talk cos Im quite insecure and can get jealous but just cos this man has things you think women want doesnt mean your wife will, I reckon most women would find him sleazy from the sounds of it! Im sorry she wont talk to you properly about whats going on, its that not knowing thats the worst eh. She would probably feel better if she opened up to you but she might not wanna hurt your feelings if your health problems are affecting her. I really hope you can sort things out x

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    Hello  Suzy

             "  If you could read my mind love what a tale my thoughts could tell,"  things are not good but not as bad I mentioned I war in fear of losing her and she was a little suprised and angry and told me I was being silly, but is still at 7 on the silent treatment scale, I still dont know for sure why.

                                           Best wishes  Fedconfused

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Fed, talk  about things with your wife,don't reveal your whole life on here to relative strangers, even if  some of us feel like friends to you.  

Your wife must feel rather cast aside if she knows what you post on this forum, I know I would.

Who knows, it may help if you sit down and talk rather than share your views on the www.

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 in

             Hello benji

                 Thats exactly what we have been doing most of the day, I asked if she would like to visit a very special place in Northumberland, its a place we used to go to when we were courting, I did not expect her to agree, but  to my surprise my Lady agreed, and at 3.30 pm we were sitting on the hill overlooking Holystone near Rothbury we had picnics there many times, and went to see Halle-bop the twin tailed comet  which was very bright during the first half of 97,it was a memorable moment for us as it was both exciting and sexiting and probably pretty close to the last time we were passionate, if you get my meaning,it was the first and  last time at Holystone though Alnmouth was, well that was  another story, which I fear would certainly meet with your disapproval benji, so I will  skip that rather naughty tale, however  returning to your comments that I should talk to my lovely wife rather than everyone on the forum, I have been trying to do just that since Tuesday when the silent treatment began, now dont get me wrong here, but  the silent treatment is to my mind anyway is one of the fairer sexs most powerful means of making her Husband  Lover  Boyfriend  squirm and shudder ( what have I done, where have I done it and who with, the mind goes back 20yrs desperately seeking excuses to escape this mental torture)  I   benji could find none, so my  mind went into a flat spin, do you know the origin of that description my friend, I  will assume you do, but for those who have no knowledge of   Aerodynamics or Aircraft or indeed no  interest in even iota sized slices of Aviation knowledgeability  "is that a word"  a flat spin is usally the after effects of a stall and the stall is or can be the most feared of all the little tricks that any and all Aircraft can play upon the careless or unwary person flying these wonders of the Aeroengineering  industry, for if you are in a flat spin andit occurs at about 800- 1000ft in all but the lightest and most manoeuvrable of Aircraft then you will die,go to you tube and dial in ATLAS AIR 747 STALL in Afghanistan to see the effects, now  that I have bored you all to sleep well you can read this, every thing is ok as usual I put 2x2 and made 4000 I can be so stupid at times my lovely Lady,well, lets leave it at she wasnt well  and although it was pouring  after our long chat I was so happy I opened the car door and stood in the warm rain L thought I was bonkers, but you see when there is no one to hear your cry for  advice or help I will always turn to this Forum someone will understand.

                                            Kindest Regards                   FED

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big grin

                Good morning to all, this you may say is more than coincidence last night at about    at about 8.30 the phone reng   "or even rang "    and L  answered it, i had my hearing aid turned right up so i could not  miss what was being said, well suprise suprise,guess who not one but two  old boyfriends from way back in the early eighties, Paul and Bill, Bill told my wife that they were in the area buying racing pigeons " I kid you not" and would like to drop by and see her, her you notice, not us or you both, well you would think she had won the lottery the excitement in her voice could not be disguised and she told the two  guys  they would be wellcome,,bu##er, I was watcinng a documentary on tv and had settled for the night, but they were her friends and she is wellcome to bring any of her friends home, I have no objection at all, but two ex boyfriends, so I  tried to sound enthusiastic but after our minor crisis last week it was not ideal, however they turned up both dressed casually smart, the only time I have ever seen them was at beloveds workplace in Cramlington Northumberland where suits were the standard dress even my wife had a suit, when she  was wearing it I couldnt  keep my hands off, and she would scold me if I attempted any erotic behaviour, Im off track again sorry. So Paul and Bill turned up much to my disappointment, I quite liked Paul the younger of the two but I had no liking for Bill, he was and still is very disrespectful  and domineering, but so far all was well, I DID NOT LIKE THE FULL ON kisses on the mouth it was not gentlemanly behaviour but  as I  said Bill was no gentleman, however he quickly got down to the reason for the visit, these two engineers of undoubted skills and capability wanted my wife to work for  them, they were a bit inconvenienced when she took early retirement to look after me, and also the fact that  she   only had brief romances with them ,dont  forget they were top management  well paid, very well paid  well dressed  flash cars, but she was effectively PA to both of them, she was very unstreetwise when they were romantically ivolved and Bill took advantage of that,I WONT GO  THERE AS IT ANGERS ME, but that all occured 35 yrs ago beloved was 28 yrs old but she freely admits she was not experinced when seeing Bill, Paul on the other hand  was kind and gentle with her so you can see why I like him and not the other fat git,sorry sorry, even writing about him makes me angry and as I was about to say, both of them were handsome, though I THINK I had the edge there,they were  much better paid ect ect, yet she chose me , a 30yrs old with two Daughters, a single parent, though I had massive help from my family, I a man who fought and won custody of my lovely daughters I often used to think I was dreaming I  could not believe she chose me over all the guys who used to chat her up and  flirt with her.  So here we are my wife is now 65  still a very attractive curvy lady and two xxxs want her to return to work for them  now  after the week I have had I  was, well back to sq 1 really, I have given my complete blessing, so we will see what happens, she has to let them know, by next  week,

                                       so what do you think    answers please  FED

 by next

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Glad things seem to be going better and that you had a nice moment Fed, I wouldnt worry about those two guys, that was aaaaaages ago that you wife dated them! If she does want to take the job it would just be because she feels it would be good for her, not cos shes interested in either of them! Who will look after you though if she takes the job, or is it part time?

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Fed, with all respect I think you are  reading just too much into any small thing   and being negative, which we can all be at times, due to P.

Concentrate on  trying to be positive, rather than negative, it does help.

Both my OH and I still meet our ex's in a social situation from time to  time. We know where we both want to be, with each other, that's  it.

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   ALL OK , IF she does help them out it will be from home, so no worries

                                       FED

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big grinHello

          Well benji you wont mind if I inform anyone who happens to stumble upon this post that my Lady is going to take the offer of a tiny amount of work, its only 2 or 4 days and the work is in a field of engineering she specialised in , I say accepted but it may not happen at all as they   "bill and paul"  are setting out on a new project and will need someone full time , I thought  I would bring this to a happy conclusion but also would  like to point out that I brought my wifes attention to my posts, and the only thing that troubled her was me mentioning Holystone and Alnmouth, I thought she would have pounced on anything but those precious moments , a suprising choice,, oh she doesnt like me being soft and slushy, so no more soft or slushy for old Fed so thank you benji you have put me back on track, now when I am being tortured night after night by dreams many of them involve losing my most precious person to other guys or in accidents or plane crashes, there will be a medical terminology for this horrible side effect of Ddopa ,  I will realise thats the night terrors bending my mind thats making me feel  so lacking in self esteem and confidence, onward and upward from now on,

                                                        FEDwink

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Great news Fed, Im glad you have talked to your wife more, thats great =) hope your feeling more positive now x

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Hiya young Fed cool.....i am sorry to hear that you have been feeling C**** recently but you can't help that , it is the nature of the BEAST Parky, as we know so well ay? Also it can make you feel very insecure at times and loss of confidence. I can understand that you certainly could not or would not want to sit and eat in public when the old Dyskie takes over. I can also understand your Wife feeling a bit disappointed as it was a special day for you both, but in the scheme of things does it really matter. I am sure she was looking forward to it and maybe she is having a bit of a sulk (us gals are good at that)!  

I remember those feelings of insecurity when we used to dance regularly, Mr D was a great mover and the Ladies were impressed (especially one) i didnt always go if like you i was not feeling too good, and there was one woman who took great enjoyment in ringing me later and telling me that this woman had looked so good dancing with my Man and how happy they looked together. It really P****** me off, and i felt miserable and insecure. He reassured me many times, and in the end when i went back i had it out with this Woman and upset her! I was jealous and insecure and not feeling my best which all contributed to the feelings i was having, it also annoyed and upset my other half, as he could not understand why on earth i felt that way. 

I hope you get things sorted soon Fed....but do talk and explain how you feel and do what i do (blame it on the Parky)!!!!!!!! try and keep smiling matey.....big grinand look forward to a lovely evening together when you are feeling better. 

Luv Dolly x