I'm finding that increasingly my husband is having difficulty dealing with situations that arise. The day-to-day issues of keeping the household maintained seem to create a great deal of stress for him. He gets upset and his symptoms get worse. It could be something as simple as my mentioning that we need to get somebody to paint the trim on the house. I'm not asking him to do it, just running it by him that we could hire somebody. He gets very agitated. It's at the point where I feel everything is a touchy subject. I'm trying to do everything myself, rather than bother him with it. I feel resentful, because it seems like I have all the responsibility -- with nobody to even discuss matters with. I know the disease puts physical limitations on him, and I respect that. But he has checked out completely. He seems to want to stay in a protective bubble, where he doesn't have to think about anything unpleasant. I know that stress makes symptoms worse, but why is every mundane issue so stressful??? Has anyone else had experiences like this? Some days I feel abandoned.
I can relate to what you are saying. My husband was diagnosed with PD last year and he finds all sorts of 'small' issues really stressful. Like you, I try to protect him from as much stress as possible but in everyday life there are always things to get stressed about. I deal with all phone calls, paperwork, finance, kids, housework etc etc. He just CANT cope with these things. It's not that he is lazy, far from it, his mind just cant deal with stress like it used to. It's taken me a while, but accepting that it isnt his fault and that he is doing his best has made me feel more at peace with these circumstances. You need to find an outlet for all that you are having to deal with and for me, this forum has been a godsend. I can read other people's posts, have a better understanding of the effects of PD and realise that I'm not alone. Now, if there is something I feel I need to discuss with my husband, I am very careful to pick the right moment, when his mind is open to discussing things and he is not distracted. I have changed so much over the last year and in many ways, I think for the better. I no longer go at him like 'a bull in a china shop' with my latest worry, brainwave etc. I still talk things through with him, but always try and consider whether he has other things on his mind or is just plain exhausted. Keep using the forum. There are many people here ('carers' and those with PD) who will understand where you are coming from.
I myself, as the months and years creep by, am aware of events and situations that I would in the past have taken happily in my stride, but which now cause me great stress.
1. Anyone at all (apart from my wife) coming into our house for ANY reason.
2. The sound of the doorbell, knocker or phone.
3. Needing to speak to someone on the phone: more often than not if my wife tries to pass me the phone I refuse to take it, and go into a panic.
4. Needing to concentrate on more than one thing at once. Whilst I've been slowly writing this posting my wife has tried to talk to me at least 6 times about various things, and every time I've tried to switch concentration to her subject everything in my mind about THIS posting drains away completely. I then have to go right back to the beginning of this posting, re-read it all, then try to pick up the thread where I left off. It drives us both mad! And takes forever, of course.
Your post could have been written by my husband, except that he doesnt use the computer and the thought of learning is too stressful for him at the moment.
I have read all your posts and it is like looking in a mirror. From the care point of view, like you Carrot, I try to avoid things that stress Pat. We are quite open about it all and he knows it's sometimes illogical to get stressed. I painted the kitchen cupboard doors a few months ago and we had to take them off and lay them flat for a few days to let the paint dry without running. The change in environment upset him so much that he tried to put one back whilst still tacky and it got a large thumb print on it. He was able to laugh at himself about it. We try not to let something like that escalate in to a big issue.
The visitors, the phone, these are all difficulties for him. He doesn't like crowds or unfamiliar places, but it OK if I am with him.
Despite this, we enjoy life as much as possible in our retirement.
I think the inablily to deal with stress was one of my first symptoms. I thought it was burnt outness from teaching but as it hsasn,t improved I think it must be Pd. My partner is fantastic and just does most of the stressful every day things but as you say just silly things like the phone or visitors can send me off.
Hello Wife. My husband might have PD. I have noticed that he can't cope with stressfull things and I have to calm him down. I concentrate on the important things. We are both in our 60's and money is tight.He has cut down his hours which has helped his stress levels a lot and we find that we are coping.
A lot of things that were once important aren't anymore. I have to choose the right time to talk to him about things, if he is agitated it makes him worse.
This forum has been such a help to me, and when I tell my husband things that I have learned from it he listens and is beginning to trust it. Flo
I'm glad that more of us PD'ers are learning that STRESS is a big problem with our condition.
There are many ways to combat stress and a number of books written on the subject.
Try to relax and find some activity to take your mind off PD for a while. I go swimming. Exercise of some form is really important!
Try painting,writing, music, anything to help relax you. I go to pottery classes,as I find that creativity is helpful for me.
Keep a smile in your heart and stay POSITIVE, as much as you can!!
We never give up - We never give up!!
Love and good wishes to all!
When I read the original post it occurred to me that part of the problem might be that "mentioning" things which need doing is a reminder that he (WE) can't do things around the house like we used to. This in itself is such a pain. For example, my wife now takes it upon herself to cut the grass. The problem is that the mower is a bit temperamental about starting, yet she doesn't want me to help her because she fears I might fall over. So she is now thinking about getting a new mower.
Oh the frustration!
I have just noticed it is me and 60 odd guests here at the moment. All on my own!NO names I know.
Do you know that is the thing I dread the most in the whole wide world. Being left on my own. To cope.
I suppose I would have to and there are many people on here who are doing just that.
How do you do it?
What do you do?
How do you manage the isolation and loneliness?
How do you get to your pills and something to eat and drink, when you are in 'freezing after every step mode?'
How do you sort out those 'noises' in the garden or that creaking on the stairs, when you are trying to sleep?
How do you manage thunderstorms when the next bolt of lightning must surely hit your house?
How do you let the dog in the garden when you are too frightened to open the door? That is - if you can get to the door in the first place.
In another minute I could come up with dozens more of these silly questions. But to me, they are important AND they worry me.
My most annoying symptom is not wanting to venture outside. I get stressed when I have to. For someone who is used to just going any and everywhere, it really gets to me. Also, self confidence is at an all time low as well! I hate having PD!
i find i have been having anxiety attacks when ever i try to go any where, it's not something i am comfortable with, i may only be visiting family but oh my goodness i get into a state.
i get stressed over the slightest thing, stupid really but just can not help it. i was thinking of having hypnotherapy but not sure about that yet i must do some more thinking on that one.
well here goes lets hope for a stress free weekend
I have started hypnotherapy - all that has happened so far is that it has been established that apart from every day stresses I am mega- anxious about alsot of things from my past. Apparantly these have to be resolved. I think for me it is probably valuable.
i am still thinking about hypnosis, probably knowing me i will still be thinking about it next year.
thanks for your input, the trouble is the anxiety attacks are getting worse and i can't stand not be in control. i think i will have to get my head into gear and phone the hypnosis people.
will report back when i have done it.
The feedback has been very eye-opening for me. I have to admit, at times I found myself wondering if the difficulty in dealing with stress was an excuse to avoid all the unpleasant tasks. Thanks for your post, Carrot. I must try to be more understanding and realize that indeed this is a manifestation of the PD.
I must also find a way to cope with being overwhelmed with tasks I don't know anything about -- like cutting limbs off trees, having the house painted, getting snow off the roof, fixing eavestroughs, yardwork, etc. He prefers to look after the finances, so even my suggesting we hire somebody is often a source of stress. No-win situation
All the best to each of you.
I find this thread particularly interesting not least of all because I have PD, suffer with stress in some situations, but do not want to'lean' on my wife more than I need.
Let me explain my situation. I am 63 yrs old,my PD symptom being tremors down my right side including my hand and foot. 'Stressful situations' to me are talking to strangers, disagreeing with my wife and reading something in the newspaper that 'gets me'and exerting myself physically beyond normal situations.
I have no wish to have my wife do everything for me, so I mow our large area of grass using a motor mower, garden, wash and clean out our cars and so on.
Several weeks ago, with the help of my wife, we laid a laminate floor and renewed the skirton board in our dining room. I did the sawing and my mitres on the skirton board could have been better admittedly and the whole job took longer than it would have done without the tremor. Oh, and I painted the skirton board with my left hand (I am right handed), not great, but acceptable. To be honest, it was fun working together and achieving something useful.
I also run our two dogs twice a day.
Some people reading this post might say that my PD symptoms are nothing compared with theirs and they may be right. However,my wife (she does the household finances) is aware of my stressful times and will not push me too far when I say 'I've had enough' and I appreciate that.
On the other hand I could easily 'over egg' my stress and do less if I felt inclined and she would accept it; but why would I want to do that? I want a partner and also want to be one doing what I can to share in the chores and make her life easier. She will sometimes ask me to hang the washing on the line and I will do it (hoping my male neighbours are not watching!).
There may come a time when my symptoms worsen and she has to do more. I am hoping that if that time comes she will not resent her situation, because she realises that I did the most I was able to achieve, when I could.
Hi Adrian, good to hear from you again. Glad you can still do a bit - long may it last.
Thank you 'Chewy'
im going through so much at the momment,and its true wot they say stress makes ur pd hell of alot worse,i got more shaking going on,and carnt contentrate for 5 mins and sleep,wots that,lol.never mind i got u lot to keep me happy,so come on everyone lets party .xx
Yep, I'm always up at least every 2 hours throughout the night, so let's crack open the Tizers, watch England beat the Aussies in the 3rd Ashes test today, and party ...... YEE HAR !!!!!