Trouble how do i put this right

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1

 

 AS YOU CAN  SEE THIS IS GOING  TO BE A ODD TALE OF WOE, ITS A SAD  TALE WHICH DESCRIBES ONE OF THE MANY AND VARIED WAYS THAT BLACKHEART CAN WRECK  LIVES, I HAVE ALREADY TOLD OF THE RETURN OF FEELINGS OF JEALOUSY AND HOW ITS CREATING A DEAD ZONE IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DEAR WIFE, WELL THINGS HAVE WORSENED, NOW I HAVE BEEN ADMONISHED A FEW TIMES FOR AIRING PERSONAL PROBLEMS ON OUR  FORUM,BUT THIS IS A WARNING MY FRIENDS, PLEASE TAKE HEED.!

         This sad description of just one of the many ways that this evil diease can cause so much heartache and you must be alert and not fall into the same trap as old FED, and before I  go on this was entirely of my own making ,I am under no pressure, and certainly not "cuckolded" in fact my problem was brought about by caring too much, by being too generous ,too kind, too undersanding,, too happy to accomodate and aheightened and wishfull but foolish stupid belief that by being all of the above I would eliminate the possibility that my lovely wife,who I KNOW is becoming resentful of me and my  predicament ( BLACKHEART),and so it was oh  , about last july, although we had talked of our sexual differences and  needs many times, but any worries I had were brushed  aside with a smile and words of kindness and encouragement, so I wasnt worried,,then I picked  uup subtle changes in her attitude towards me, she would flinch if I tried to give her a hug,and  turn away if I tried to  kiss her, I decided to pre'empt any  prroblems which could be brewing and explained my fears, which were that I  sensed a need in her , I love my wife more than the whole  planet so I told her that if she was in desperate need  of, well,,, satisfaction,, sounds like a STONES FOR ROLLING MK2 ,,,sorry sorry I just cant resist silly, even with this serious subject, then I would have no objection if  she were to contact ,1  of    3 of our male ftiends al  of whom I could trust ( mistake ) we have known the guys in question for about 30yrs or I have, my wife abour 20yrs and so to cut to the chase as I dont want to lose this post I will break and go to part 2

 

         Hello and goodmorning,sadfrownangrycryingenlightened

2

 

     My appologies for the delay, I have given much thought 2 part 2, but it is so upsetting, I feel betayed  yet also feel  I am the betrayor, so as it was my own stupid fault that we find  ourselves on the brink I GAVE MY WIFE A GREEN LIGHT, and she took advantage of my open minded attitude and , well there is no other way to put this she had a affair with my friend, then my friends, yes my long  tie buddies took advantage of both of us, now my wife has admitted that and explained the adventures (her words) as very exciting and great fun, thrilling very erotic and sexy, but one of these so called friends sent me that mail, but not only that, he has posted the pictures on the net I wish I could say Im shocked, hurt , dissapointed, betrayed even, but instead  I fell nothing, zero, zilch, the   sad dangerous BAD BAD place  my wife and I have found ourselves was entirely of our own making, my long time friends have dissapeared and no longer visit or drop by,( guilt) so what was initialy the idea of my  wife going out line dancing and having fun, or taking a  well earned break from old  FED  has turned and bit me on the a//sssss,  we have talked about this over many  many hours  days weeks, and, my lovely wife  who  through my stuupid stupid stupid laid back attitude now is filled with regret and  guilt, she has appologised which I have accepted, as I said despite the childish feelings of jealousy returning, I FEEL NOTHING AT ALL  about this in fact my Lady has suggested  a overnight stay  in our favourite hotel, well I just could not that offfer down. COULD I.

                         IT COULD HAVE TURNED OUT SO VERY DIFFERENT     FED      

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   As you will have gatherd things are a bit strained, and as its not the first  indescretion,I  am not managing too well,OCB is looming large, I CANNOT STOP purchasing Die cast 1/50 scale Excavators and other heavy plant my defences are crumbling and parky is making many direct hits,and I am saddened and ashamed that my generosity is being seen as stupidity.

                                                           FED

4

Fed, your posts give me pain.  You shouldn't be suffering such burdens -- this disease is more than enough for anyone to deal with.  Is it possible for you to remove the whole idea of blame from your perspective?  That is , I know, akin to leaping into the future and looking back at this series of events as history.  If you can manage to think along those lines, you and your wife may feel easier about the situation until it truly is in the distant past and can inflict no further suffering. 

Unfortunate things happen, sometimes because of our efforts to make quite other things happen.  Is it necessary or even possible to assign blame?  I don't think so.  Human lives are filled with mistakes, misjudgments, and simply misfortunes.  We regret, but we have to cling to whatever we have and continue.  Don't look back too much.

I hope I don't sound patronizing or trite, because I really feel sadness for what you are going through.  I wish you peace of mind with all my heart.

J

5

Fed

PD is to blame if blame needs to be attributed to move forward. 'Fixing' is not relevant, understanding and consensus on what you want from each other in future, is.  

Your intentions I'm sure have struck a chord with many as it's natural to want the best for those you love even though you may be unable to provide it, be it emotionally, physically or financially. 

It won't help to dwell on the ' should I allow' 'should they have acted' 'did I need to know' issues, save to say these face all couples, but PD does lead you to more openly discussing things, not least because your inhibitions/defences are reduced by the meds, l-dopa as well as agonists.

You're reference to die cast diggers shows you are seeking the 'feel good about something you can control' sensation that we lack due to low dopamine levels.  I don't know whether the diggers are a real OCD for you or simply an example of what others would see as a clear sign of one.

STOP BUYING

It's up to you how you limit your activities/ability to spend but it shows immense faith in anyone you entrust with helping you.

All the best to you both.

K

 

 

 

 

6

crying

  Hello  Lady J and my friend Kendo,the saying goes, "there's no fool like a old fool" surely must apply to old FED,or FEDUP, you could say,my love for my Lady still burns bright, I thought I was correct in my estimation of my friends I had known them so long, MISTAKE, strangely this train crash, for thats how I feel, aching, my mind has derailed, how could I possibly think it could have turned out any other way,am I going insane, after a long discussion today it would seem in my eagerness to make sure our relationship stayed strong I was in danger of smashing it to a trillion fragments , now you may think I should retaliate, but those kind of feelings dont exist in FEDSworld, another old saying, "revenge is sweet", no it isnt, inflicting pain or discomfort on someone just because you can is simply not acceptable, any sort of tit for tat behaviour only prolongs the pain and inevitable return fire,so I have poured water on the flames before the growing conflageration consumed us both and we are aware of how very explosive things were becoming, and have set things to rights,there is warmth between us, thank god, for without myLady I would not wish, well I am not going to type the words,, tempting fate and  all that,,.

                             So once again I thank you  for  your support my friends, and perhaps my awful predicament may open the eyes of others,as you implied Kendo,and prevent additional agonies which parky would delight on inlflicting, as the b?????d always always attacks when the mind is distracted,and kicks when your down.

                                            Kindest  Regards          FED

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Hi FED

I feel for you for what you have been through, going through, and still hoping to resolve with a happy and loving ending. I believe in the vows we took when we married ' for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.' I know it's not easy with 'parkinsons' because it effects so much of your body and mind and changes your way of thinking, there is nothing we can do about it,as long as we stay strong and to fight and resist all we can that we are up against. We hope you come out the other side stronger for what you have been through. 

All the best to you both

Sheffy x

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I feel particular empathy for you because Parkinson's has wrecked an important part of my relationship with my wife, too. This evil disease has consequences for many of us that go far beyond the simple physical limitations it imposes. It is the real villain in sad scenarios such as this and our partners are just as much its victims as we. I hope that both you and your wife are able to overcome what has happened and lay the blame where it firmly belongs; with this vicious, unrelenting and spiteful illness, which deserves all our hate and contempt.

9

Hello my friends, I wish I could say all is well, but I cant, if you add 3 weeks of moderate to severe Dyskie I really feel battered, many of the problems mentioned have only partially resolved, and my wife has a very serious eye problem which will require surgery,she is very worried as am I , the main enemy now is depression I am taking steps to block the progress of this third evil as if Iallow it to beat me every thing will implode

                                 Best wishes to all     FED

10

Hello, fedex --

Many of us have been waiting to hear from you, wondering if you were going through a particularly difficult time.  Thank you for posting even while fighting that old demon depression.  All I can do is wish you strength and fortune in your fight.  Certainly, I shall be thinking of you and wishing you well, as I am sure many others of your friends here will.

May you succeed against PD once more, just as you always do!

Very best regards,

J

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hi fed. The fight is on and there can only be one winner and the best olds are for you to be the victor and hope you wife gets better soon.fight it together.
12

Hello Fed

it`s good to hear from you.  I`m sorry that life is so difficult for you and your wife just now and I hope that things will improve soon.  I wish your wife well in her operation and a speedy recovery and hope that your prompt steps will send the depression packing.

Do keep in touch, we were all worried about you.

Hattie

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Hi Fed

Hope things start getting better soon and your lady wife's op goes well,

We really need you to keep up the fight as we need your wit and wisdom on the forum to inspire and entertain we poor mortals, when I first came on here newly DX your sense of fun and good spirit made me realise it wasn't the end of the world, so thanks and keep your chin up and remember you have loads of friends here .

 Live well n fight hard.  Cc

14

 

   Hello my friends, I can only make this short as Dyskie is impossible for write,its lifted my spirits to read your kindness,it is good to know you are onside I may sleep better tonight as worn out by dyskie, will update fear not I will better the demons that are attempting to push me over,I have to strong as my Lady looks to me still when fear strikes.

                                    Kind wishes great friends          FED

15

 

We are all with you on this one Fed, take care and look after number one, you have to pull through this and keep fighting.......

Regards Sheila x

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Fed it is your ability to speak your mind and accept the consequences that can be both the cause and saviour of the events that you encounter. Life is a challenge for all and in our circumstances they come thick and fast. Every time I'm depressed my retort is no, I'm too pis**d off to be depressed. Keep up the battle and pass on our hopes for your wife's good health. We all have at least a bit of luck in our lives and then there's those who make the most of what we have. You deserve the former so you can get on with making the most of it as usual.
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    Hello Kendo old friend.

                       Wise words as always, you will be pleased to know I have dumped BLACKHEARTS pal Dee  Pression, I made the decision last week that he was leaving, thats  (Dee Pression),he put up his usual powerful retaliatory strikes  but in the end despite parky adding his feeeble attempts to try and disable me, I thought , given the number of hits I was taking I was doooomed !  but no, although seriously out numbered I DRAGGED UP RESOLVE from my depleted resources and somehow drove off the savage intruders, and now normality has returned for old FED, the human brain is a tough old bird and if utilised correctly  can rescue you from all but the worst situations,  such as a mile wide asteroid scoring a direct hit on your car when you are loading your shopping into the boot, unlikely I know but you never know, instant vapourisation is a good  method of making the journey to the next dimension, so my friend in the immortal words of Mr Termitehater,,,,,Aisle Be Back, or is he called ALBIE BLACK,,,, whatver Im pleased my name is not John Connor.

                     Thank you for responding and the very best of bestness 4U always.

                                                          FED      The Avatar is my daughter Sarah and her friend Joanna sarah is on the right

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      Thank you all, Sheila, Cheshire, Hatknitter big grinsee im happy, all your support is much appreciated. there are good people and a high percentage contribute hrer, or here if you prefer.

19

Hello, Fedex --

I'm so glad to see by your post that you are yourself again and undefeated by Deep Russian or any of Parky's other companions.  I also see that you have a beautiful daughter! 

Yesterday I was busy with various tasks and forgot my medications.  Only once before have I been so absent-minded.  I took the morning pills and then nothing until 7:00 pm, when I realised that my coordination wasn't quite what it should be.  Today I don't seem to be suffering any after-effects, so I guess all is well.  In a way, it was encouraging to see that I could still function several hours without noticing a lack of medication.  But I don't plan on trying it again!

I'm having a piece of pavement removed from my backyard this morning, and I can hear the jackhammer.  I had better cut this short and go outside to check .  Such an ominous sound . . .

My best wishes,

J

20

Hello  J

               Thankyou for replying, yes my friend I had a struggle for a while but if I make the decision that I will not allow depression to dictate my life then I will inevitably prevail, it works on the same principal of walking out of a lovely cosy home into a hurricane, once you have made the decision to go its no going back, there were a few things accumulated together and I buckled, but now Im fine, still a  bit wary and watchful  as things will slip back if I allow my mood to deteriorate,. You are having work done, and I also, in three weeks the work starts on a extension to the rear of our home,incorporating a new kitchen and shower room, utility room, its taken a while to find a suitable builder but after 8weeks we have found a goodun,, I will update on this. also thankyou for your comments on my  daughter Sarah, I am very lucky to have  two lovley children my daughter Jennifer is training to be a nurse at N T G H where I have spent many happy painfree days  NOT.

                                            Bye for now, FED