Battle briefing

About me Introductions and personal stories
81

Good Morning All,

I am overjoyed that our recent recruitment campaign has resulted in one application, that's one more than anticipated.

Welcome to this unit, trooper Mike.  Our overall command is Jules 77, it may be your medical training warrants an immediate promotion.

Would you share a little more about yourself? how long since PD diagnosis, and if you were assigned to fight on the front line  what would be your weapons of choice.  Additionally, if in a trench for an extended period, how would you make it look cosy .?

Once again welcome to this unit, your fellow troops await your next post.

Sgt TH

82

Well, thanks for that Sgt TeeHee. I think Jules 77 already knows me a little, but I'm incompletely diagnosed. Consultant Neuro reckons I've got PD but I'm awaiting DAT scan and Movement Disorder referral to confirm and initiate treatment. Mainly right sided tremor, leg and arm and hand, so rather an itchy trigger finger, I'm afraid. And anosmia, so I can't smell trouble. 

So, as I've got T1 Diabetes, chronic pancreatitis, a pre existing motor neuropathy and ulcerative colitis I'm not A1, more like D3, but very willing. I only parade in a wheelchair, but I've got a stack of fake medals to make me look the part. 

And I do paint in oils, if you want to make the trench look a cut above.big grin

 

83

Sgt.TH.......apologies for using the wrong term for advancing. Will try harder in future.......how about "full steam ahead"? No that's not appropriate either! "To infinity and beyond"....No?   I'll stick to " Tulta munille", which is an old Finish cry, which translated means, "fire at their balls"!

Good to have a medic amongst us too......welcome Mike. I'm just visualising you covered in oils, doing your paintings!!!!!!! 

Sgt.TH, I hope you get your hair colour sorted soon......bright orange will attract the enemy!! xx

 

84

Welcome Captain Mike,

Qualified doctors are always made officers. Mainly to protect them from rank and file expletives that may be aimed at them by hardened troops under heavy bombardment.

As you are already on the receiving side of the enemy, you how brutal the bastard can be. His dastardly use of other attacking forces is well known but his allying with five different and effective enemies, is bloody merciless.

As you I'm sure are aware the main purpose of dispatches is to keep up Morale and provide news from the front. Our hardened troops are an example to every person involved with the campaign.

Jules77

 

 

 

85

I have been doing research into how the troops can keep up morale and makes sure we are equipped to survive our battles. We must be aware of our Vagus Nerve at all times, as it is vital to both physical and mental wellbeing and travels around our body like a spy. Here are ways to keep it functioning well:

1. Go gluten free.

2. Drink probiotic, such as Kefir.

3. Drink coffee.

4. Eat broccoli, sprouts and cabbage.

5. Avoid alcohol, but if you fancy a tipple;   vodka, gin, rum and dry cider are best, (obviously not together!)

6. Eat black/red grapes, raspberries, dark chocolate.

7. Try and reduce stress, by positive thinking, Mindfulness, relaxation, singing, massage etc.

8. Eat foods high in Omega 3, (fatty acids).

9. Sleep and meditation.

10. Take Vitamin B complex.

11. Eat spinach, chard, almonds, avocado, pumpkin seeds, bananas, dark chocolate, (for Magnesium).

12. Add Turmeric to food.

13. Take R- Lipoic Acid.

14. Sunshine and Vitamin D.

15. Take Ginseng capsules.

16. Selenium ACE.

17. Avoid too much time near Electromagnetic fields, such as WiFi, laptops, iPhones.

Quite a long list to contend with! I realise the last one will make it difficult for communication between troops.....unless we have a long piece of string and 2 paper cups!!!

Signing off now.    Corporal T

86

I have to say, Corporal T,  that I think your dietary advice is just a touch flatulogenic to maintain company morale  , and given the number of naked lights and fags around the place there could be disastrous consequences.  Could we try chips with multi vitamins?

87

Captain Mike , you will be most useful as we have no one in tank command.  You have the appropriate battle experience and humour, the best weapon.

I used to dabble in watercolours but not very skilled, it is good  to know we have painter in our ranks.  In our camp we do not paint stones white but go for a more homely feel, we fight our battles but like a bit of comfort too.

I hope you don't mind but as we are a small unit we do not have an officers mess to eat in, just   a  big mess where we eat.  We call it a big mess as most of us have a tremor.

I sincerely hope you have essential tremor as opposed to PD, you have enough battles without that.  Once again welcome Captain , we  need fighters like you.

Sgt TH

 

 

P.S  so glad with you being an officer, I refrained from cracking a joke at your expense call it barrack room banter. It was something like with a beard I thought you were applying for the role of regimental mascot, but I see its not a goatee beard.  My apologies Captain, I will be more respectful in future.

88

LCpl Twinks,

The move from dark hair to blonde has been completed so no longer looking like a distress flare.

Thank you for your input, it is good to have officers Jules and Mike as troops named Twinks and Tee Hee does not sound that scary to the enemy.  LIttle does the enemy know we are lulling them into a false sense of security.  Our weapons are loaded and just as deadly, despite not being named Tyson or Mac the Knife.

Onward we go, as our strength is increasing.  

Sgt TH

89

Captain Mike, 

I have  to report my sincere and heartfelt apologies (again).  I received your full file whilst working late and am up to date with your battle and service history.

Those medals you have are not fake, nice try Captain but you are way too modest.  In comparison god knows what I grumble about.

Troops generally speaking like a good moan, sink a few glasses at the bar and often find themselves in a brawl to let off steam.  The stiff upper lip is apparent in your posts coupled with good humour and that is why you have achieved a higher rank, in addition to your medicaĺ training.

I personally like a good bleat so being with the troops suits me best, no stiff upper lip but am considering botox to embark on officer training.

Please do not let this socially inept Sgt dampen your spirits, keep posting Captain.

Sgt TH

90

Sgt TH-

I can't see anything that you have to apologise for. I'm well used to being mocked, for sure, but thanks anyway. So you only need to do four hours on spud peelingbig grin

You don't need Botox for promotion to officer class, but regular moisturiser wouldn't go amiss as a policy. I can recommend Aveeno. My doc thinks that's for Eczema, rather than vanity. Fool. 

Cpt Mike

91

Captain Mike, 

I can see you are going to be quite tough on the troops.  I am off to peel the spuds back in a few hours.  They will be for your chips and multi vits, I guess.

I will instruct LCpl Twinks to get the fat fryer out, but I think she was using this as a flame thrower in her last assault on Parky.

Shall you be requiring a military batman sir, as I will have to advertise the  posting on the forum?  Myself and LCpl Twinks are in the  Morale and Spa Days department.

Sgt TH

 

92

Sgt TH

Every superman needs his batman? Not me, thanks, I can do my own batting, whatever that is. The DWP has adjudicated.wink

Yes, the spuds are for chips. I hope they are Maris Piper, because I was hoping to set up a vodka still. All part of the ongoing health plans cool

Cpt Mike

93

Good Morning Troops,

Thank you LC Twinks for comprehensive list of ways to keep the enemy at bay. Your well researched advice is always welcomed.

This list will be added to the recommendations board, posted outside each NAFFI.

A s you are well aware the list is already long and Troops under constant fire have a wide set of choices.

I would only add to what our new MO, Captain Mike inferred. Sometimes after a big battle Troops prefer a bacon butty to a nut cutlet and good luck to them.

Am signing off for a few days to fight in a trench some 80 miles away (Norfolk Regiment). No going over the top, while I’m away (excuse the metaphor within the metaphor).

Jules77

94

Sir,

Have a good journey, have you heard the expression "while the cats away, the mice will play"  no need to worry Cpt Mike has it all under control.

Sgt TH

95

LCpl Twinks,

Please note from report above recommendations for a healthy diet are to be posted outside the NAFFI.  This is as we know is the canteen for enlisted men and women, excluding officers.

We can do no more than offer a choice of menu and have no control over the officers mess.  It was mentioned that we had a "Big Mess" where enlisted and officers may "mix" together but perhaps it is best that we have our NAFFI to put our feet up with a glass of Prosecco, chargrilled vegetables and sea food platters.

We will be recruiting Divine R into our ranks asap as Cocktail Specialist so we can party! party! party!  Hopefully JP will not be too far away  as your NAFFI needs you.

Sgt TH   

 

96

LCpl Twinks,

Please note from report above recommendations for a healthy diet are to be posted outside the NAFFI.  This is as we know is the canteen for enlisted men and women, excluding officers.

We can do no more than offer a choice of menu and have no control over the officers mess.  It was mentioned that we had a "Big Mess" where enlisted and officers may "mix" together but perhaps it is best that we have our own NAFFI to put our feet up with a glass of Prosecco, chargrilled vegetables and sea food platters.

We will be recruiting Divine R into our ranks asap as Cocktail Specialist so we can party! party! party!  Hopefully JP will not be too far away  as your NAFFI needs you.

Sgt TH   

 

97

Sgt TH

I must caution you for using up valuable space by posting messages twice. I trust your trigger finger is not as twitchy as your 'post' finger.

Anyway, I must tell you that I am teetotal. A non drinker. Zero booze. This is due partly to possessing a chronically decrepit Pancreas, which is easily damaged by alcohol. Also it's part of my licence conditions after an unfortunate incident in the nurses' quarters in my last posting. Wrong bed. It's an easy mistake to make. She was expecting the sergeant major.

Cpt Mike

98

Apologies Sergeant TeeHee,

Should have mentioned that LC Twinks' recommendations also posted in Seargeants Mess and Corporals Mess, as well as the Officers Mess.

i'm sure we don't need any protocol. We all dine and drink wherever we choose in this modern army. If we stuck to old system it would be not usual for Sergeants and above to go in the NAFFI.

iHaven't left the bunker yet. Hence this dispatch. Too much enemy fire using Dystonia plus switch-off combination weapon. Have called in civilian reinforcements (Granddaughter and daughter). Hoping to travel tomorrow.

All for one and one for all.

next dispatch Monday or Tuesday

A temporally wounded, Jules77

 

 

 

 

99

Yes, all for one , one for all, for sure.

My humour is a little off beat at times and envisaged all officers grades clambering to dine at the NAFFI With the enlisted troops. I thought I made it sound like the place to be with tasty morsels.  Perhaps I should have mentioned the non alcoholic cocktails.

Yes Cpt , my trigger finger is a bit of a risk to both sides, I tend to stick to grenades full of drugs exploding into the face of Parky. Twinks usually provides cover with machine gun fire, mostly firing multi vitamins and brussell sprouts.

Perhaps we are a bit maverick but we mean well and would not want a transfer to latrine duty. I am rather fond of this unit.

Sgt TH

 

100

Cpt Mike, 

Perhaps you should be reporting to me in view of your breach of licence conditions.   I used to be a Police Officer before becoming a qualified Probation Officer.  That's where I get my brand of humour from, it's a bit hard nosed at times and even though retired, cannot shake off the barbed banter.

Pleased to see you joining in.

 

Sgt TH