You to Sarge and going to take dog and stand by main road for a bit of peace and quiet.
Corporal JP
Sgt JP = Power ha ha ha ha ha I can taste it already. Damn is an out of date yoghurt, damn you Anosmia.
Anosmia, had to look that one up, thought you had spelt Ambrosia wrong, then realised they don't make yogurts.
I think its sounds like a cross between Amnesia and Ambrosia a condition where you cannot remember when you last ate your pot of custard. Apparently leads to weight gain and yellowing of the skin.
I think it sounds better than "cannot smell" imagine telling your mates " I discovered I was blessed with having Anosmia"
Whose Anosmia ? do you mean some young Adonis type that ocasionally services your um, er! car...
No ! I can now use public toilets. No sense of smell.
Sgt TH drivelling on, having a duvet day.
Forgetting to have custard will be one of the few negatives i'll have and also a very dry pudding. I found that my mates say to me "We wish we had Anosmia" and I swear to god that that person in those pictures with that Adonis fella is my twin brother who was born on a different day 2 years earlier and not me even though yes I do have an identical scar there. A freak of nature (not me) event without a doubt. hang on phone is ringing.
Γεια σας, θα σας δούμε αργότερα Adonis
That wasn't anyone called Anosmia and see you later as need to use public toilet as mine is broke.
Corporal JP with the non twin twin brother don't forget.
Hello All, I'm JP's non twin twin brother and it is me in those pictures not JP ok not JP but me his non twin twin brother called erm JQ. So remember it is me JP sorry JQ not JP in those pics. Have a nice day.
Oh! Jules 77 is back soon, best clean up this thread. Trenches freshened up, uniforms pressed , empty cans of lager, wine bottles, crisp packets in the wheelie bin. Quick JP, youv'e still got your fatigues and underpants drying on the radiator in the NAFFI bar.
ATTENTION! Escape from Labotomy ! sorry false alarm , it was a jeep belonging to the T.A ,
STAND AT EASE!
STAND EASY, Thank you troops. DISMISSED!
Sgt TH
Understood Sarge and clean up my act and wonder if 'lll get asked if i have underlying issues.
JP ,
Have you got underlying issues ?
TH
Sorry my spelling, meant underlaying issues. It's like newspaper.
JP
That's ok then, makes sense now.
Morning squaddies
Good to see you are all in fine fettle. I was over on the Diabetes front yesterday, and got a telling off from the unsympathetic colonel for falling asleep in the middle of a messsge. I did explain it was a standard tactic over in the P front, but he started muttering about indiscipline and slack moral fibre. Well, that got me going. Nothing about me is slack, my man, I said. I'm as stiff as a board, I said and prodded him with my stick. And promptly fell over.
Sometimes you just can't win. Maybe I should have asked if we could just shake on it.
Anyway, I stalked over here and went to bed, and waking, find myself in the more tolerant arms of the hasn't-got-a-name-yet squad, so if there's anybody with underling issues that need removing, form an orderly line. I don't use anaesthetic, mind
Cpt Mike
Cpt Mike,
Good Morning, welcome back to the squad with no name, pleased you mucking in with the tròops. Would you mind putting a call out for LCpl Twinks she has not reported for duty and last seen at Art classes,( a recruitment poster )not AWOL I might add, but required on parade tomorrow.
If the diabetes colonel is suspected of being an enemy we are in contact with our friends (listen very carefully, I will only say this once) in PD France, who have a sniper unit.
They only ask once a target has been identified, and a "venue" has been approved, the target is alone and not standing next to anyone, the TTFT (Tactical Tremors Firearms Team) will then using a tranquilizer pellet, dress the colonel in a clowns outfit and leave him on the parade ground.
Sgt TH
Hello Sgt TH and Capt Mike and and any all onlookers. Brief report as in no mans land, sorry Normans land and he'll kick off if he sees me.
This room should be called Carry On IT with all this innuendo and clowns and hope you don't mind me saying Capt your massage report carries underlying messages or is it just me with more.
Sgt why does the enemy get all the fun costumes. Dress them in lingerie, i have some really nice sets to lend out......s""t sorry have to go.
Corporal JP
No matter what i type i'll reinforce what your thinking but with my hand on heart i can honestly say that i have absolutely under no circumstance never ever watched a Carry On film since the 80's
JP
Good Afternoon Fellow fighters,
Dispatch 124B, Amendment 14.
Have returned from R and R a day early and find a considerable amount of brief notes, trench communication, banter and brief missives to catch up with. All good for Morale. Have posted this dispatch before catching up fully.
Corporal JP and Sergeant TeeHee - As our MO alluded to, please be careful of PTS (Post Twice) syndrome. It’s highly infectious. It's highly infectious.
Our communication’s are for the purpose of informing and assisting with the long fight we all have against a strong and determined enemy, who will use any tactic to crush us. We fight back through humour, stoicism and willpower and we are adept at spreading these essential mental goals to other troops. We are also charged with giving our views and empirical evidence on battle weapons, such as drugs, that I refer to as chemical weapons, prescribed or unprescribed. Plus advice on diet exercise, hobbies, mind tests ( crosswords, sudoku, etc) sport, walking or cycling if possible, etc.
From my experience one of the great enhancers of fighting spirit both individually and en-masse is creative writing - letters, poems stories, novels, whatever else one enjoys. Even if you are self critical, It is what has kept me from breaking up and I include in that, these briefings.
I do ask for dispatches to be kept within certain boundaries please, it is your judgement on that, not mine. Only my view but care is also needed when using innuendo and nothing over the top please. Oh blast, there I go again with the use of a metaphor. Have been recently diagnosed with EMUS (Excessive Metaphor Use Syndrome). Is there any known cure?
LC Twinks (supply), your recent recommendations have been read by many. I personally have made an effort to experiment with some of them. A good comprehensive list, but I will still take to the more, shall we say, indulgent foods on occasion, especially when under sustained attack. Love dark chocolate by the way. The NAFFI (for all ranks) notice is effective as they sell a good range of stuff. Notices in the Messes are not effective as “what you see is what you get.”
On a personal note Parkinson has recently upped the onslaught using the duel switch-off/Dystonia weapon and the devil has upped the level, giving me severe pain and problems that effectively immobilise me for a while. Of course what the sneaky antagonist then does is hit me with the “drown the fighting spirit” weapon applied directly to the brain. He then adds a few little teasers such as excessive saliva (socially embarrassing) dyskinesia and narcoleptic headaches.
I’m not letting this evil enemy get the better of me and he’s not going to stop me. Have to accept some reduction in mobility however as, guess what, the swine has found ways of attacking my arthritis (the curse of the elderly) plus my two steel knees, where they join with bone, not sure how he does that? These he combines cohesively with switch offs and severe Dystonia. The bastard also has warped sense of humour combining a, shall we say sensitively, urgent problem in the bowel area with a switch-off is below the belt (excuse the pun).
Civilian missive - I’m finding the waiting time to see a neurologist or Parkinson’s specialist unacceptable. At our hospital there seems to be a ridiculous quasi-competitive system between two separate departments and a barrier between them. Only one of the departments allows you to use the Parkinson's nurse, and swap departments at your peril as the whole system then goes into free fall. So I have to wait until January 2018 for an appointment. Crazy! Can moderator advise?
Keep fighting,
Jules77 (Apologies again for use of expletives).
Addendum to dispatch.
Would like to see a few new troops contributing as well as the loyal soldiers we have. Any ideas?
Cc, Lin - 1) - Senior Poet Warrior. Trench 32.
2) - Moderator - Headquarters.
Sir,
Welcome back, may I say that we all got a bit carried away in your absence but had a fun time too.
It just goes to show how much we need and respect our commander, as we do need a tightener now and again.
Sorry you having an awful time, you may know this already but levopda deletes B6 but especially B12. Incidentally low B12 can cause neuropathic pain. I should have completed my referenced list of healthy eating, supplement advice in the form of a compilation of research papers etc.
I need to get this done for the troops and motivate myself to take my own advice.
I fully agree with your selection sir, they should add a steadying influence on the unit. I would like to add a request for Saturn who is possibly resistant to advice on healthy living but his positive attitude and odd ball humour would be excellent for morale. He has a history of being engaged in dangerous missions and a bit of a maverick.
Keep fighting Sir, as we need you.
Sgt TH
Sir,
With regard to hospital appointments recommend requesting an appointment in writing. Should your appointment not be forthcoming, recommend contacting complaints department at the hospital to discuss your issues.
If its the same as where I live you are then invited to a meeting to express your views, make suggestions to improve communication between departments, and resolve the matter.
In the first instance they conduct an "investigation" and write back to you with a conclusion . This should have an apology and hopefully a positive outcome with actions for staff to do. If still not resolved meeting takes place.
I strongly advise people complain as this contributes to ensuring pd folks get the help they need.
With respect Sgt TH
Good Afternoon again Fellow Fighters.
Dispatch 125A, amendment 3.
Having caught up with all missives sent during my R and R, and read TeeHee’s reply, I wonder if it would be worth setting up a “Battle Briefings - Chat from the Front Line” under the CARERS, FRIENDS AND FAMILY section, to use for ‘everyday chat, banter and titbits’, from the trenches and keep Battle Briefing strictly for weekly dispatches and replies, plus important information latest innovations, etc and replies, but retaining, the humour and stoicism that helps so much.
Change to standing orders would be -
All communications for Battle Briefing are to be:
a) Weekly dispatches.
b) important information etc, to report.
c) Replies to above.
All three to contain as much humour as wanted or needed.
For Chat, banter and repartee use the new “Battle Briefings Chat Room” under “Carers, friends and family” section.
What do you think? Would value your views.
TeeHee could you clarify your piece about B vitamins. Are you saying that I should take B12 to ease the narcoleptic headaches but the Madopar (levedopa plus Benserazide) destroys the B12.
Thank you for your advice on chasing up hospital appointment. I will follow that procedure and see what happens.
Keep fighting.
Jules77
Just to bring me down to earth -
I’m Sitting in certain place with my iPad resting on a copy of ‘War and Peace’ and the Times by my side (for swatting flies) and singing ‘Look for a Silver Lining’ in my best baritone voice. My senior officer is shouting at me. Can’t think why.
HOW STRANGE - could just do with a cigarette and I haven’t smoked for 48 years. Don’t worry it won’t happen.
Dear Island Mike, My sincerest apologies for reply to your post this morning. I misread a word and sadly at times (well quite a lot) my fingers are quicker than my very limited brain. I would never intentionally offend and again my apologies for it appeared that way.
JP
P.S. And I wonder why the circle gets smaller, Perhaps a demotion to trooper help control my fingers. Also 21 years for Colonel Jules and I have had the occasional craving.
Also 21 years for quitting,
In a while, maybe.