Corporal JP reporting for forum marshalling Colonel Jules, on account of a flagrant disregard for decorum, good taste and decency and having filthy fingers which I will be washing shortly with soap and teach myself a lesson. I was thinking of cutting of my pinky like the Yakuza do for dishonour but with a sharp object in my hand who's how many fingers I may loose and fingerless gloves would just be normal ones to me.
Sir I taken it upon myself of passing sentence (I know I type sh**e), see I can't stop and have decided on a punishment of very serious posts for a undecided amount of time. They will be filled with relevant information on research, exercise, diet and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....clap clap clap well said Sir....oops sorry Sir had a Parky attack.
I will start this forthwith and become a credit to this regiment with very serious and inform..zzzzzzzzzzzz hang on while I just drink this Lucozade through my eye as works quicker I heard. Anyway back to the issue and all future posts will be of a serious nature and would like to repeat a quote of someone of amazing character, brought joy to millions and when we get down to the nitty gritty we are all very similar in so many respects. So before I shed a tear hear it is:
Be Good. E.T.
So next posting we be of a more conservative nature and hoping I can play my part in making peoples minds aware instead of scared.
You may think that turning into TH of Arabia is a fine romantic idea, but you won't be thinking that after all the camel fly bites and sand getting into your nooks and crannies and stuck to your face with factor 50.
Might I suggest returning to your duties here for the local fight in the rain. I wouldn't want to initiate desertion proceedings. I understand battle stress, so when you do return, I will arrange CBT.
Then tie you to a tree before a firing squad as an example to the others. Using paintball guns, of course. That paint stuff really stings on sunburn.
I was summoned by GCHQ for the role of Mata Hari for a middle eastern assignment. I submitted a photograph that was 25 years old and was accepted for the role.
A contract was authorised by box 500, and I was flown via Easy Jet to a destination I am unable to disclose, mainly because I cannot pronounce it with a sheep's eyeball stuck in my teeth.
On arrival to a dimly lit reception area the shrek, sorry Sheik was very disappointed. Lucky for me I had doubled up on the dopamine and my belly dance was second to none.
I am here to become the mistress of the dashing sheik and obtain valuable information with regard to pd medications.
Capt your offer to return by promising that I will be tied to a tree with paint fired at me, oddly enough does not make me want to fly back to base..
I have turkish delight, goats cheesecake and smarties, a fabulous tent with furry throws.
I've been rereading the regs, and I think we can get away with a simple AWOL charge. That means the punishment could be a simple reprimand, but ONLY if you bring back some Turkish Delight and Smarties to leave in the Officers Mess. Don't bother with the goats cheesecake. Customs sniffer dogs here will think you are trying to import a dead body.
You will, of course, be subject to a full decontamination and examination to exclude nasty foreign illnesses, including my favourite weight loss program Amoebic Dysentery.
Hello All, I know it's difficult with this condition but sleep is very important in our fight. This link is to a clip for advice and tips to get some sleep..
Do you mean I have to walk through a sheep dip to decontaminate. Just imagining you stood there shouting " decontaminate, decontaminate like a dalek whose forgotten his lines.
Sounding better but still harsh, you want smarties and my loyalty in return for a punitive sentence, cannot be awol am engaged in health advice seeking mission so when I return I may be as respectful as J.P but need factoids first.
A full report is being compiled as we speak. I have a camel who types, does my filing and is my transport liaison officer.
Should I return, would safe passage be granted for Eric Humpton, my camel who wishes to join the cavalry section of our unit. Eric has pd but early stages and will require reasonable adjustments to be made in his new role.
This message is in code False votes to overthrow winning duo matters not. You fight a battle within your head, your conflict is your own state of mind.
We as a unit really do not care, as we fight to help ourselves and others, not for glory.
Eric has been drinking Arak, mixed with his meds. He has the hump as caught sending messages via radio frequency reserved for vital information. Suspect possible double agent.
How is Everyone this Lovely morning. Please try to Manage some morning stretching Exercises but ensure you Seek Expert advise and Never Start anything I must insist Before consulting your pd nurse, doctor or Lastly Even your neurologist. Please Only Start The exercises If you have Not had a injury that may Get Any worse and Try not To push yourself too much As this Condition is Keen to make little things worse.
I seem to have lost something since my unfortunate missive on Monday.
Anxiety and severe tiredness and this awful Dystonia, have weakened my resolve and given the enemy a way in. Need all my strength to fight it and a long rest. Hope to contribute to Creative Corner now and then.
Years ago the actor Sir Michael Redgrave in a film, played a ventriloquist who after working with his dummy for years, took on its persona and became the dummy.
After returning to my humble abode on Monday I had been inflicted with the same psychosis albeit in a mild form. Fortunately Sergeant TeeHee spotted the problem.
After intensive therapy I am now back to normal and will not be issuing anymore mysterious and serious dispatches that confuse the troops.
There is a Bactrian Camel waiting outside to escort me to a Buddhist monastery, to
seek enlightenment. Will be away for some time. Just have to call for a packet of ciggies on the way.
Good luck you are a wonderful group of people and an example of how to fight the relentless enemy. Special thanks to Sergeant TeeHee, Corporal JP and L C Twinks.
Keep the troops in line Captain Mike, No that’s impossible and I’m glad it is.
Jules77
(Ex - Field Marshall and Lord of the Universe).
It has been an immense pleasure to serve in your regiment and it will always be unit Jules 77, in your honour.
I respect your decision to seek solace and regroup. The mere act of exchanging your uniform for a robe and a pair of sandals will not only feel more "orange" but a lot lighter both physically and spiritually.
I would like to add that at no time did any troop lose their respect for you. Your bravery in the fight is inspirational, not only as Field Marshall but as a man, a true gentleman.
I hope you will find the strength to visit us soon, this battle weary unit still remain as fond of you now as we were at the outset.
Sir, it's been a blast on your very witty thread. Exemplary example for fellow parkyd fighters to follow. Do not forget the occasional trip to creative corner as you a very clever writer.
How fortunate are we to have had something so good that it makes saying goodbye so difficult.
I wish you well on your journey with PD and hope you read these last posts that your troops have written about you. We all put on a brace face and try to add a bit of humour to our lives, (well, most of us, anyway), but sometimes we just need some space and time to ourselves. All the best.
