As I sit here with my dog and a cold coke listening to Pink Floyd playing comfortably numb and my brother’s funeral draws ever closer. I’m thinking what is the point as I’m not religious due to an argument with a priest when I lost a son well not lost I know what happened I seem to be overthinking things again.
Spent most of the day asleep as I feel so tired .
Yes I can put on my happy face or utter a joke in fact I’m sure I have more faces than the town clock.
On the bright side I received a letter this week telling me I have a sum of money which I can have now from a pension plan I had 20 years ago but I’ve decided to leave it where it is as the percentage loss for early access is too much anyway there will be enough to make me nice and crispy in an oven with a bit left for Suzanne
But it does make me wonder is that the real point money?
Never honestly been interested in having lots of cash myself and that’s the truth .
Oh well must be getting depressed again still the pills will sort that eh ?
Tommy
I have trouble negotiating this forum.
I often mean to check back on someone/something then can’t find it again.
I was thinking today about all the people who said that I was wrong in the head.
Teachers, parents, friends, family,employers … the list is endless.
I was always the crazy one and I took a lot of knocks both physically and mentally.
I just walked on through them.
This is just another knock that I am going to get through one way or another.
Maybe they were all right and I’ve always been a bit mad.
Hi Hubby I suddenly feel the compulsion to write.
Day after day they take some brain away.
Then turn my face around to the far side of town.
Where the thin men stalk the streets all the sane stay underground
Day after day they tell me I can go
They tell me I can blow .
To the far side of town where it’s pointless to be high coz it’s such a long way down.
Here I stand foot in hand talking to my wall I’m not quite right at all am I?
Don’t set me free I’m as happy as can be .
Just my librium and me and my EST makes three .
But I’d rather stay here with all the madmen .
Than perish with the sad men roaming free.
Yes I’d rather stay here with all the madmen for I’m quite content their all as sane as me.
David Bowie from the man who sold the world … TOMMY 
Hi Hubby,
I just thought I’d intersect to let you know that we have a “Forum icons” thread which is really useful for understanding the icons that are on the forum. This includes the bookmark icon which allows you to bookmark posts on the forum which enables you to go back to them at any point.
Hope this helps.
Best wishes,
Reah
Hi Tommy will be thinking of you and Suzanne òn friday.x x x
Barbara
Hey. Tommy.
If your head explodes with dark forebodings too.
You know where to find me!
H.
Hi again just seen your quote of Bowie (legend) can, t believe it I was listening to that at time you posted SPOOKY or what
Spooky indeed I listen to Bowie at least once a and have a good collection
I knew we had something in common as well as PD . Peter
So the question remains how much is down that sofa? HA Ha regards to Mam Thomas SILLY BOY BLUE
Emptied sofa on new tablet sorry
Oh well I’ll get by LOL
Did you notice I edited the post on the emotions thread and put another Bowie title in there a little more obscure.
On a much more serious note what I get from you and Mam is worth far more than any material goods also from Barbara and Kieth it’s known as friendship and is invaluable.
Although I did try to get a deal yesterday from Kieth not to sell his number but he very quickly scuppered my fiendish plan HA HA
Well nobody’s perfect eh? and I’m useless blackmailer oh well.
I truly value your freindship as i do baba and keith wish we all lived close enough to meet at least we,re there for each other
To my Blackmailer
(who isn’t any good at it )
I believe what we have goes well beyond FRIENDSHIP
It hurts me knowing I can not take away the pain you are feeling and at times I may not have said the right thing and may not have said what I should have ( Irish I know)
If I have done either I apologise.
Grieve is a private and personal thing and I’m glad that you shared it with me even though I can do nothing about it . Except to say YOUR MY FRIEND and I will stand by you
Yesterday you apologised for unloading on me
I’m your friend and I’m here for you everyday
You are respected here by everyone but we including myself can not always find the right words
As you know . I HATE PITY . SYMPATHY and SORRIES
and all the other meaningless words that go with them
So even though I don’t say them out loud doesn’t mean I don’t care
When we first met you made me feel so welcome in your home . Then I was a complete stranger
Trust in yourself Tommy. You have a good heart . If I only ever had 1 friend IN THIS WORLD in my heart of hearts I would want that friend to be YOU
So take care Bruv
We will chat soon
My RESPECTS TO YOU
Thank you my friend sorry I tend to have a meltdown now and again and I’m certain it will happen again so therefore that’s why I never promise to be a good boy from now on.
But I think your right my blackmailing days are over maybe that’s because I tried it on the wrong person first however lesson learned HA HA Thomas
afternoon Bruv
I wouldn’t expect you to keep a promise you know you cant keep
but do me 1 favour
DONT BLOODY SAY SORRY
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG
I know that when its my turn I know YOU will be there for me to
younger Bruv
IS SOZ ok I used that text speak to Barbara but I don’t think she was impressed can’t say I blame her though it just doesn’t befit an Eton educated gentleman like myself I much prefer the Queen’s English it is by far more compatible with a patron of my esteemed class. It lowers the whole tone of one’s conversation don’t you think my dearest chum.?
Hi all
I won’t be on for a few days so please forgive me if I don’t reply I promise I’m not in one of my esteemed moods or being rude.
Today they are taking my brother out of the fridge and letting us say goodbye.
It’s not something I’m very keen on at this moment but I suppose I’ll have to MAN UP(what an awfull phrase to use these days. eh?)
However this is not my first experience of this as over the years
I have watched my mother breath her last and it was very damaging to me personally .
But I did go to the funeral parlour and over the years I found it to be a comfort to a young 26 year old man as the undertaker had done a fantastic job making her look her best
Therefore leaving a much improved image in my mind.
So basically I’m hoping for the same kind of experience today
And then tomorrow I’ll have his funeral to attend although I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be a pall bearer this time due to the shaking leg and useless left hand
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your wonderful support as I have very few friends and the ones I do have are mainly in Glasgow
and I’m now in Oxford so your support truly has made a massive difference
I’ve also got a family fued going on at the same time so I guess I’ll just have to double my efforts to be a good boy but only Suzanne and you lot seem to understand what PD does to mental health in relatively normal situations let alone how it makes times of crisis increase the problem
Thanks Again Thomas.
Just look after your own needs mam and me will be with you in spirit
Pete
As what Pete has says.
The same goes for me Thomas. X x x
I did what I said I was going to do today
Went to the funeral parlour to see my brother I am well aware he’s not really there just what once carried him around the planet.
But however I am grateful I went because as I’d hoped the undertaker had done a tremendous job .
And I left with a much better image in my damaged mind than I did as I left the hospital on the 22 nd June .
So although it was head achingly heart breaking I can only hope that is the image that prevails … Love Thomas